Restraining order- the best thing in the long run

[1905]

2 years ago I first found this site. My difficult child was violent, he refused to work, was kicked out from the Marines(before he even got to bootcamp) and was a thief. His entire 18 years could be described the same way. Once I obtained that R.O, he had no choice but to work, his job skills were limited so he worked horrible jobs and lived in a rooming house. This is the only thing that "worked". About a month ago husband (bless his little heart) got difficult child a job working as a union carpenter. husband is a foreman and difficult child's boss. (husband says I owe him forever, how would I like to take difficult child to work with me?-uh..no thank you) Anyway difficult child takes a bus to work, as he "gave" his car away and is always there on time and actually works while he's there. Normally he's a slacker with an attitude problem. I can't believe it, I am reaaly proud of him. Had husband brought difficult child in right out if HS, he would have ruined it for himself. He has benefits and can have a nice life for himself. That RO, however hard and sad it was to get- was the main factor in him changing his life around. His decisions are none that I would have made, but it's his life and I have no say really. husband is learning as well. Last week difficult child ran out of money after the weekend and husband lent difficult child 100 dollars. I told him difficult child needs to learn to buget his own money, and he won't if "daddy" take care of it. So, husband seems to agree- which is a step up for husband. Also difficult child's bff moved in with him recently after getting kicked out of the Marines, and difficult child through him out for not paying his share of bills. This bff was his bff for years. (Plus the kid ran up 4 grand worth of credit card debt-then his father took the cards and piad them off, but the kid just got new ones and did it again.)I hope that if anyone needs to do this as a last resort, good can come of it.-Alyssa

 

[Suz]

Alyssa, what a great update :bravo: . Good for you for doing what you had to do and staying strong. Your son is definitely benefiting from the hard line and having to do for himself.

Suz

 

[KFld]

Thanks for the update. I think it's very important for everyone to post updates like this so others can see what worked for them and their difficult child's.

I know many times many of us second guess the choices we make and we fear that it will only make things worse. It's nice to hear the success stories that will give members the hope and support to know that tough love does work.

 

[Hound dog]

Wonderful update Alyssa! :bravo: :smile:

It's good to see difficult child doing so well.

Hugs

 

[ScentofCedar]

And an important update, too.

I remember back when we were learning that "helping isn't helping". It almost killed both of us to do nothing, to not send money, to not run and rescue and save.

Turning away and doing nothing was the hardest thing we could have done.

But that was what helped our son more than anything else we might have done. (Not that we are pointed anywhere NEAR true North, yet!)

Your post helped me remember how much strength it takes to turn away ~ and how important it is to do just that.

Barbara

 

[Star*]

ABSOLUTELY! This post is a fantastic reminder of what can happen when we stop being doormats and start being parents.

CONGRATULATIONS!

 

[Steely]

Thank you for this post........it gives me strength, to know, that what may seem horrible at the time, can be a great bridge builder towards future success.

I wish all the best for your son and you.