Boarding school was just a thought, once we established that she was not pregnant, to get her away from her peers, some of whom I suspect are becoming sexually active with boys. It would also take care of the school refusal, since no one would know her in a new location and she could start over.
But more immediately, she needs to be supervised 24/7. She refused to go to school this morning, and I had to call the school and speak to her guidance counselor. She missed alot of school last year due to her asthma, and undoubtedly, she feigned illness a lot, and I fell for it.
Guidance counselor offered to send a school resource officer (member of the city police department that work exclusively in the school building) to our home to speak to her and hopefully, esccort her to school. I also called her dad at work and he offered to come to the house. She ran away while the cop was enroute, then came back after the guy went looking for her. I was so angry(the cop had a bit of an attitude) that I grabbed her by the arm to propel her into the house; when she pulled away I grabbed her hair. She reacted like I'd tasered her, and I was instantly sorry, but I didn't know how else to get her indoors. She grabbed a knife to keep me away from her and hid in the downstairs powder room. She came out when her dad and the policeman came back, and left with both to go to school and work things out with her guidance counselor. I apologized to her for pulling her hair -- both of us are sobbing by now -- and she said I didn't hurt her. The cop was waving me off, as if to prevent me from getting her emotional again when they were trying to calm her down.
She is spending the day in school with her guidance counselor. Her father called me a little while ago and said she was starting to admit that someof the rumors about her having sex were true. Don't know where this will lead, but it's clear that I have to dry my eyes and become Warrior-Tough Love Mom. No computer, no friends, no phone, no nothing until she comes clean about what she's done and with whom, and agrees to meet with a gynecologist. Next, since she's lost my trust, she has to earn it back and it won't be easy. She has to be on a very short leash.
I was ready about an hour ago to turn her over to her dad and say "you take over." It's what he wants, vindication that he's the better parent, as a way of soothing his ego because I left him. But despite his insistance that he can keep an eye on her, pretty much everyone helping us would laugh in his face. He couldnt' keep our 15 yeear old son from running away and smoking pot.
I need to post my tough love rules in every room of the house. My tendency to knee-jerk repeat my past reactive behavior has failed miserably. Following through is so hard for me, especially when my kids are miserable and sad, and somewhere I've got to come up with a backbone by 2 p.m.
Ladies, please send me an infusion of spinal support via thought transference!
Thanks.
