Hopeful97
Active Member
Hi all,
I haven't posted for quite a while. In September it will be 1 year since our youngest son was made to leave. As some of you know a restraining order, one of the hardest things I have ever had to do (hearing the baliff say "Hopeful versus d c" was excruciating. I couldn't do it for 1 year which apparently is the norm where I live so I asked the judge if I could do it for 6 months.
Anyway, there has been a lot of chaos, for lack of a better term, off aND on since then. There has been weeks with no contact, then more contact just very sporadic. I generally don't say much when we see d c or talk to d c I did at first but anything I say seems to be wrong or sets him off. D c has done a lot of horrible stuff, won't get into it now, but yes before he was made to leave and still after he was made to leave. The difference now is that most of the horrible stuff is not concerning us just him and his sometimes scary, deplorable decisions. There really is no chaos when he is not around. A year ago I could've never imagined myself being able to talk about this, much less saying things the way I am saying them and not crying.......I think I have come a long way....not patting myself on the back but reminding myself not to go back and that the part of my journey that concerns d c doesn't have to be my chaos but his.
I have not spoken to my d c for a while. My sister had been letting come to her house now and then to eat, shower, nap, sleep, wash clothes, but never to live there. We would everyone in a while take him food and eventually let him come by not come in. He would be invited to family functions sometimes would come sometimes not. Anyway you get the jist do it. Around the 4th we had decided to invite d c over for dinner one evening, it went better than expected. He then came by to shower one day and get food and hang out for a few minutes a couple days later. While he was in the house 3 times for very short while he was never alone except the bathroom. We had taken anything of value that could be easily taken into other interior rooms. We still have pad locks on all interior rooms except the bathroom, back room leading outside; kitchen/living room open area, and d c s old bedroom and everything was locked tight. I had to go somewhere and hubby was with d c. Hubby had to go to bathroom and shortly d c left. D c had told us, my older son and my sister that he was unable to find a place to go.....again me, hubby and sis told him where he could go for help. I for what seems like the thousandth time told him about a place where we live he can go til he is 21 (will be 19 in September) and he will have place to sleep, shower and eat. They would help him get a GED and/or job training, then they help you get a job and once that is going well they help you find an apartment and will help you learn about paying bills. If you have more problems they have the resources to point you in the right direction and help. D c doesn't want to do that. It has been explained to him it is not like the residential living he had to go to for a while when he was much younger and living at home. That he would be expected to keep his room clean and would be assigned chores and there is a curfew. They don't tell you when to go to bed etc., doors are locked for safety of all. Me, hubby, older son, sis think that he just doesn't want to follow anyone's rules except his and yes that includes rules that are laws.
D c broke into sisters home. We know it was him because he had to leave because they were leaving. It was raining and they asked him if he wanted a ride anywhere he said no which never happens. If nothing else he would want a ride to a different area. Police report was filed, police already looking for him (who knows what for.......not that I don't care, it just hurts to much to know, try to find out or hear his lies.....I figure if I need to know, even if I don't, I will most likely find out anyway . After all this we discovered the keys missing to our truck. We replayed everything and figured out that they were laying on the cabinet in dining room when he was here as I told you. So we knew he would be coming back.
Meanwhile, sis sent message to d c telling him we know it was him (otherwise sister's house would have been tossed and nothing was touched except money, pocket knife and deactivated cell phone). The message basically after we helped you as much as we could you betray us and do this. Told him that she still loved him very much, cared what happens to him and always would. Told him he was always in her prayers and he would always be our family, but asked him not to contact her, his uncle, or any of their 5 children unless it was an apology. To date no word sadly not surprising.
After we discovered keys missing, I went to police and talked to them. Unfortunately, as soon as I said d c s name the officer knew him which would normally would not surprise me because I think most officers around here know him. This was a new officer and he already knew who I was talking about. Huge clue that police are looking for him for a lot more than he told us.
So we then figured d c would try to do something so we stayed up late made the house look like we were sleeping. Oh yeah, get this, earlier that night hubby on back deck sees car coming down street with lights off slowly stops d c gets out and stays out of line of vision. D c s girlfriend or whatever still lights out pulls up to stop sign just past our house and sees older son getting out of his car.....she puts it in reverse stops where hubby thought d c was and d c gets in they go whizzing by. My hubby was like is he really that bold, dumb or however you want to say it......I'm like yes.
So older son goes home. House looks like hubby and I are in bed. We wait a while, hubby goes out looks in truck, sure enough d c sleeping. He doesn't see hubby, he comes in we call police. Police come get d c out search him, his backpack and truck. Put him in police car and come to our door. We turn lights on get our keys back, are asked do we want to press charges, we say no we just do not want him to come back. D c has tried calling we have not answered he does not leave message. He tries to contact me via messenger I don't respond and delete messenger. He leaves messages via facebook, I don't read or respond. When you check messages on Facebook you can read the first few words without opening the message......beginning of last message to me says he is going to block me. No biggie. He is trying to get a response of some kind.
He did come by 2 days after police were here, I stayed inside, hubby went out.....I watched to make sure it didn't get violent. Hubby not worried about that, given d c s sometimes uncontrolled rage, anger, untreated mental illnesses and I am sure addiction or addictions you never know.......maybe it's because I was home with him all the time and hubby was working therefore I saw and experienced a lot more of the rage, etc firsthand. And, as seems true in a lot of cases, the rage, anger, blame always seems to mostly fall to the mom (why is that?). Hubby asked d c about breaking into sis house of course he did not do it...D c thinks police were looking for him that's how he got caught in our truck he told hubby he knows we didn't call because we were asleep.......better that way for all concerned. D c talked to hubby long time hubby told d c it would be best if he didn't come around until after he talked with his aunt.....and left it open ended.....good thing unfortunately hard learned (don't give times, datws, limits, etc...leave everything open ended so d c can't come back and blame there will be no excuse etc.....it will all be on him, he may not think so).
Still haven't talked to d c, he came walking down the street this evening, older son had stopped by for a second d c walks to his truck asks for a ride older son says can't on my way to a job. Hubby standing on front porch, I go outside d c is gone......I asked hubby did he say anything hubby says no just nodded at me......older son says same after their short conversation d c nods head and was away. Older son let's us know d c is up the street with about 6 others.
At first I was very angry at these 2 most recent thefts but now am just deeply, deeply saddened and hurt.....once again my heart breaks. I feel guilty for not responding to d c s messages, here's why. There have been several times when d c gets really out of sorts sometimes suicidal. Some of it is due to untreated mental illnesses (he has gotten psychiatric help when he still lived at home so he know it works and he knows it makes him better and helps him tremendously).....so he has said mom sometimes I just need to talk......... I have mental illnesses and have since my late teens so I know what that type of darkness is like......I told my d c that when he needed to talk and he had no one and was like this I would always talk to him. So at this point I am rwally
I haven't posted for quite a while. In September it will be 1 year since our youngest son was made to leave. As some of you know a restraining order, one of the hardest things I have ever had to do (hearing the baliff say "Hopeful versus d c" was excruciating. I couldn't do it for 1 year which apparently is the norm where I live so I asked the judge if I could do it for 6 months.
Anyway, there has been a lot of chaos, for lack of a better term, off aND on since then. There has been weeks with no contact, then more contact just very sporadic. I generally don't say much when we see d c or talk to d c I did at first but anything I say seems to be wrong or sets him off. D c has done a lot of horrible stuff, won't get into it now, but yes before he was made to leave and still after he was made to leave. The difference now is that most of the horrible stuff is not concerning us just him and his sometimes scary, deplorable decisions. There really is no chaos when he is not around. A year ago I could've never imagined myself being able to talk about this, much less saying things the way I am saying them and not crying.......I think I have come a long way....not patting myself on the back but reminding myself not to go back and that the part of my journey that concerns d c doesn't have to be my chaos but his.
I have not spoken to my d c for a while. My sister had been letting come to her house now and then to eat, shower, nap, sleep, wash clothes, but never to live there. We would everyone in a while take him food and eventually let him come by not come in. He would be invited to family functions sometimes would come sometimes not. Anyway you get the jist do it. Around the 4th we had decided to invite d c over for dinner one evening, it went better than expected. He then came by to shower one day and get food and hang out for a few minutes a couple days later. While he was in the house 3 times for very short while he was never alone except the bathroom. We had taken anything of value that could be easily taken into other interior rooms. We still have pad locks on all interior rooms except the bathroom, back room leading outside; kitchen/living room open area, and d c s old bedroom and everything was locked tight. I had to go somewhere and hubby was with d c. Hubby had to go to bathroom and shortly d c left. D c had told us, my older son and my sister that he was unable to find a place to go.....again me, hubby and sis told him where he could go for help. I for what seems like the thousandth time told him about a place where we live he can go til he is 21 (will be 19 in September) and he will have place to sleep, shower and eat. They would help him get a GED and/or job training, then they help you get a job and once that is going well they help you find an apartment and will help you learn about paying bills. If you have more problems they have the resources to point you in the right direction and help. D c doesn't want to do that. It has been explained to him it is not like the residential living he had to go to for a while when he was much younger and living at home. That he would be expected to keep his room clean and would be assigned chores and there is a curfew. They don't tell you when to go to bed etc., doors are locked for safety of all. Me, hubby, older son, sis think that he just doesn't want to follow anyone's rules except his and yes that includes rules that are laws.
D c broke into sisters home. We know it was him because he had to leave because they were leaving. It was raining and they asked him if he wanted a ride anywhere he said no which never happens. If nothing else he would want a ride to a different area. Police report was filed, police already looking for him (who knows what for.......not that I don't care, it just hurts to much to know, try to find out or hear his lies.....I figure if I need to know, even if I don't, I will most likely find out anyway . After all this we discovered the keys missing to our truck. We replayed everything and figured out that they were laying on the cabinet in dining room when he was here as I told you. So we knew he would be coming back.
Meanwhile, sis sent message to d c telling him we know it was him (otherwise sister's house would have been tossed and nothing was touched except money, pocket knife and deactivated cell phone). The message basically after we helped you as much as we could you betray us and do this. Told him that she still loved him very much, cared what happens to him and always would. Told him he was always in her prayers and he would always be our family, but asked him not to contact her, his uncle, or any of their 5 children unless it was an apology. To date no word sadly not surprising.
After we discovered keys missing, I went to police and talked to them. Unfortunately, as soon as I said d c s name the officer knew him which would normally would not surprise me because I think most officers around here know him. This was a new officer and he already knew who I was talking about. Huge clue that police are looking for him for a lot more than he told us.
So we then figured d c would try to do something so we stayed up late made the house look like we were sleeping. Oh yeah, get this, earlier that night hubby on back deck sees car coming down street with lights off slowly stops d c gets out and stays out of line of vision. D c s girlfriend or whatever still lights out pulls up to stop sign just past our house and sees older son getting out of his car.....she puts it in reverse stops where hubby thought d c was and d c gets in they go whizzing by. My hubby was like is he really that bold, dumb or however you want to say it......I'm like yes.
So older son goes home. House looks like hubby and I are in bed. We wait a while, hubby goes out looks in truck, sure enough d c sleeping. He doesn't see hubby, he comes in we call police. Police come get d c out search him, his backpack and truck. Put him in police car and come to our door. We turn lights on get our keys back, are asked do we want to press charges, we say no we just do not want him to come back. D c has tried calling we have not answered he does not leave message. He tries to contact me via messenger I don't respond and delete messenger. He leaves messages via facebook, I don't read or respond. When you check messages on Facebook you can read the first few words without opening the message......beginning of last message to me says he is going to block me. No biggie. He is trying to get a response of some kind.
He did come by 2 days after police were here, I stayed inside, hubby went out.....I watched to make sure it didn't get violent. Hubby not worried about that, given d c s sometimes uncontrolled rage, anger, untreated mental illnesses and I am sure addiction or addictions you never know.......maybe it's because I was home with him all the time and hubby was working therefore I saw and experienced a lot more of the rage, etc firsthand. And, as seems true in a lot of cases, the rage, anger, blame always seems to mostly fall to the mom (why is that?). Hubby asked d c about breaking into sis house of course he did not do it...D c thinks police were looking for him that's how he got caught in our truck he told hubby he knows we didn't call because we were asleep.......better that way for all concerned. D c talked to hubby long time hubby told d c it would be best if he didn't come around until after he talked with his aunt.....and left it open ended.....good thing unfortunately hard learned (don't give times, datws, limits, etc...leave everything open ended so d c can't come back and blame there will be no excuse etc.....it will all be on him, he may not think so).
Still haven't talked to d c, he came walking down the street this evening, older son had stopped by for a second d c walks to his truck asks for a ride older son says can't on my way to a job. Hubby standing on front porch, I go outside d c is gone......I asked hubby did he say anything hubby says no just nodded at me......older son says same after their short conversation d c nods head and was away. Older son let's us know d c is up the street with about 6 others.
At first I was very angry at these 2 most recent thefts but now am just deeply, deeply saddened and hurt.....once again my heart breaks. I feel guilty for not responding to d c s messages, here's why. There have been several times when d c gets really out of sorts sometimes suicidal. Some of it is due to untreated mental illnesses (he has gotten psychiatric help when he still lived at home so he know it works and he knows it makes him better and helps him tremendously).....so he has said mom sometimes I just need to talk......... I have mental illnesses and have since my late teens so I know what that type of darkness is like......I told my d c that when he needed to talk and he had no one and was like this I would always talk to him. So at this point I am rwally
