There is a lot of backstory to this so I will try to include everything without writing a novel, but the tl;dr is my 16 (17 in April) is ruining his life, our family, and making life hell. My son is 16, almost 17. His mother and I are no longer together and from about the age of 2 until he was 15 he primarily lived with his mother and I had normal visitation (1-2 days a week + weekends, later to weekends only due to distance). There has never been a time that I have no been involved in his life or seen him regularly. Maybe a valid quote maybe not, but "Private Schools, Daycare, , Medical Bills, I Pay That". During the time with his mother, he did not have much stability. Moving, boyfriends, couple of marriages just didn't end up well. Starting around 6th grade, his grades started to drop. From nearly all A's to practically failing. On the flip side, I've been with the same person since he was 2 and we've moved once. This isn't saying I'm better than her, just trying to put the whole situation into perspective. He was also diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in 2013. This all hit the wall last year when his mother married again for the 2nd time. He does not like the person she married and he started hanging out with the wrong kids at school. He's been busted with pot multiple times and things at his mothers got to the point that he spent about 2 weeks in juvenile detention because of being unruly. How he ended up in detention was he had been having the sheriff called to his mothers house because fights between them were escalating more and more. He was starting to punch walls, doors, cabinets (broke his hand as a result) and she was rightfully feeling scared. He was placed on probation and then had another incident the day after which resulted in his PO putting him into detention. It was at this time his mother and I agreed that a change was needed and he moved in with my wife and I. We put him into Online/Home schooling to try and minimize the "new school, new kids", plus with the way his grades and school work were going a change of pace was needed. I also work from home so it would be easy to monitor his school work during the day. This has not gone well at all as his grades are still in the same place and it's to the point now that he goes weeks without turning in any school work. I don't understand exactly how the school allows him to turn in late assignments but they do. The plus side is we can see everything due and missed the down side is they don't seem to enforce any hard due date. The physical altercations here are less (though we've had a few, specifically one this morning). By physical I do not mean punches thrown, but getting to faces, etc. I The drug use has not stopped. He got a job in August and today (which caused the fight) decided he wasn't going and was going to no call/no show. We are in counseling and he is on Vyvanse for what might be attention issues. Since he's been living here, he really does not have much contact with his mother. We agreed that as part of this change, it was a "one parent, one rule" in that I have final say over what goes and what doesn't. This was to stop him from playing her vs me just to get what he wants. However she has not been supportive and continuously tries talk him into moving back with her or coming back and generally makes him feel bad for "abandoning" her. Sometimes he starts the "move back" conversation but that generally happens when he doesn't like whatever is going on here. He has been grounded since a couple weeks into the school year due to not turning in assignments. The only thing he has had is his phone when he goes to work (to call us to be picked up) and a Roku to watch TV. He's a big gamer so he's had no easy child or video game access, though we recently relaxed that a bit over the Thanksgiving/Christmas break. Today due to the fight, he has no Roku. I'll be the first to admit my way of handling things this morning was wrong, but it's all a build up of stress and everything else. There has basically been no change in his behavior between his mothers house to here and because he doesn't follow any rules he pretty much just gets away with doing whatever he wants. While we do everything we can to enforce the rules in place, without watching him 24/7 he finds someway to get away with it. We usually eventually end up catching him but there is no regard to any rules we put into place. Because of this, it's causing a great deal of stress between my wife and I. It's to the point that we do not want him in the house... or I should say he's not welcome if he can't make an effort to follow the rules and do what is expected of him. The bar is also very low for his expectations in that he just needs to attend school (which includes doing the work) and keep his room clean. We don't ask much else of him because he just doesn't do it and since punishment has no effect we've just given up. We're in Ohio (if anyone has any specific experience) but we are lost. What else can we do? What else can we try? Where do we turn now? Sure I suppose I could take the "easy road" and just send him back to his mothers, but that doesn't solve anything just removes me from the situation. But with that said, we are strongly considering just letting him drop out of school and either kicking him out or doing whatever to emancipate him. This likely became more difficult considering he likely does not have a job any longer as of today. I know that isn't right either, but it's likely the only way he will learn anything. The stress of dealing with him is quickly (or likely has already surpassed) being tolerable and at this point any change is strictly on him which he just isn't onboard for doing.