Thank you everyone for responding. I don't think my daughter prefers living on street, and thus far, she's been lucky to land some place. But, I do know she prefers not to work, not to attend therapy, and not to make different choices.
My #1 is the same, but will be on the street (in a park, etc.) from time to time, because she chooses to be around people who live like that. They are her family now.
I also know every time she claims to want to do right or/and is - is always false and just a way to secure what she wants or needs. Never genuine. Like a play written and orchestrated by her to gain the most for herself. Going so far as to pretend to go to a job for weeks at a time. Amazing how far and eager she is to do things when she wants it or doesn't want to do something.
Who knows what motivates them?
Drugs, addiction.
The behavior is all so foreign to what we raised them to be.
You are astute, Seeking Peace in realizing this.
This will help keep you from being manipulated.
Our adult d c's have an amazing ability to transform themselves to our memories of them as children, to tug at our mother heartstrings to get us to give in to them.
Stay strong.
I also know what she says about me. How she uses smear campaigns on me even when we are doing everything possible to help her. That truly angers me.
Ahhh, the smear campaign, "I am like this because my mother is......"
Yup, very familiar with it. In fact, the last words I heard from my #3 were screamed in my face, the stuff she was probably saying to her friends, came out in a fit of rage, at the top of her lungs. In front of her children, my Grands, whom I had been caring for. Ouch.
She actually did me a favor, for that devastating, agonizing, insidious, hurtful moment in time that seemed to stretch on endlessly as if in slow mo, plays over and over in my head and strengthens my resolve to stop the insanity. NO MORE ENABLING.
I don't know if it's Halloween, but Edgar Allen Poe comes to mind and a Raven pops in my head saying "NEVERMORE!"
More at myself for continuing to help her while she does that. Do I think so little of myself? She thinks solely because she's my child that I am obligated to help her...time to raise her is done! The time to carry the full responsibility for her is passed.
Yes. Good for you Seeking Peace. You are worthy of much more, and so is she. Do not allow her to mistreat you, and through your own example of self respect and self value, she may learn to love herself better as well.
Give her her wings and let her fly.
She's 20 years old. Certainly old enough to understand and know how her actions hurt people. She truly doesn't care.
20 is young, there is time for her. At 20, I had my first child, and had to be responsible. For others, maturity takes longer, the brain is not ready. If the brain is on drugs, it is worse.
I really am starting to believe she's incapable of feeling...more like plays the part that she feels people expect from her....and always for her own benefit. And reality is there's zero respect and zero trust. Not a relationship by no means. I think I'd trust a stranger more.
Seeking Peace, you are doing well, your eyes are wide open. That is good and it is also painful. Keep posting and sharing, it helps to let it out and this is soft, safe place to do it. Whatever is going on with your daughter is happening now. Now does not mean there will not be change.
But, we do have to stay in the now, to have effective responses to
unacceptable behaviors.
My heart grieves for what will never be.
Seeking Peace, there are many posts here, where parents are seeing change.
There is always hope.
Sometimes, in order to do the hard thing, and detach, we give up on the hope, in order to stay strong and see the reality of the present circumstances.
I rely on my faith to focus. If I find myself grieving over my two, or dwelling on things, I say a prayer. It is tremendously helpful.
It has been two months since I have seen or heard from my two. I do not know what my response will be when I see or hear from them, but I am working on it.
I hope for you, that you find peace. For yourself, and for your 13 year old. There is much promise for the future.
Stay strong, do something for the both of you!
You are not alone
(((HUGS)))