HeadlightsMom
Well-Known Member
Hello everyone --
I haven't been on this forum in quite a while, but was just thinking of you all and wanted to drop a line....catch up with you all and catch you up with us all.
Sadly, our son has gone back into his addiction (meth/heroin) and criminal activity surrounding it. Not sure what more to say about that. He's been MIA for 2+ months. Very minimal contact (only rare brief bits on Facebook private mssgs -- no calls, no visit, no other fill-in-the-blank). Yes, this does sadden us. I did tell him I missed his smile and he did reply back that he missed mine, too.
Yes, it was very tough at first (you know....ripping off the scar hurts at first, then it heals over "somewhat".....enough to flex the skin and life around it again). But, after a couple of rough weeks, we did resurface and resume where we were before. Same boundaries in place. Same song, new verse.
I firmly believe there is a positive to be found in every situation. May not a BIG one and maybe not a FAST one. But there is a positive in here. During our son's clean period (4-5 months), we saw new and unexpectedly clear growth. A good time! We know it can exist. If/when it comes again, we know what to build on and what is possible. And now, during this repeated relapse, there is a strange benefit in it......the fact that it's a REPEAT (a THREE-PEAT, actually, for our son), we know we the parents have the coping skills to handle it. In fact, just as our son goes into his "use" autopilot, we parents go into our "boundaries" autopilot. We know which ones work best for all -- we've been here before. We know this place. It may not be our favorite place, but we do know how to navigate it and even rise above it.
I believe with all my heart that, even amid the crazy times, this universe is ultimately a benevolent positive one. So.......I'll see more of what I look for. After my meltdown (I did have one!), I choose, again, to see the positives first and foremost. They're really there......even when I have to dig for them. So, I dug hard for a couple of weeks. A HARD couple of weeks. But I was reminded how much good there is in our lives in love, family, friendships, adventures, learning, laughing. They're all still there.
Lastly, told myself that while our son was clean, I would savor every minute of it knowing it may not last. It did not. But I DID savor it. And I still do. May sound hokey, but I feel this continually refreshing in bold new ways this sentiment...
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Nothing like living a sentiment to embed it deep into one's bones. I know you all can relate.
Will our son return to us clean one day for a length of time? Perhaps. Hope so.
Will our son never return to us clean for any length of time? Perhaps. Hope not.
But either way, I am grateful for the genuine moments (even if fleeting....actually, ESPECIALLY if fleeting) we have shared.
Thanks for listening.
I hope you're all well!
PS -- Hey, new site format since I've been here. Very nice! To whomever did it....nice job!
I haven't been on this forum in quite a while, but was just thinking of you all and wanted to drop a line....catch up with you all and catch you up with us all.
Sadly, our son has gone back into his addiction (meth/heroin) and criminal activity surrounding it. Not sure what more to say about that. He's been MIA for 2+ months. Very minimal contact (only rare brief bits on Facebook private mssgs -- no calls, no visit, no other fill-in-the-blank). Yes, this does sadden us. I did tell him I missed his smile and he did reply back that he missed mine, too.
Yes, it was very tough at first (you know....ripping off the scar hurts at first, then it heals over "somewhat".....enough to flex the skin and life around it again). But, after a couple of rough weeks, we did resurface and resume where we were before. Same boundaries in place. Same song, new verse.
I firmly believe there is a positive to be found in every situation. May not a BIG one and maybe not a FAST one. But there is a positive in here. During our son's clean period (4-5 months), we saw new and unexpectedly clear growth. A good time! We know it can exist. If/when it comes again, we know what to build on and what is possible. And now, during this repeated relapse, there is a strange benefit in it......the fact that it's a REPEAT (a THREE-PEAT, actually, for our son), we know we the parents have the coping skills to handle it. In fact, just as our son goes into his "use" autopilot, we parents go into our "boundaries" autopilot. We know which ones work best for all -- we've been here before. We know this place. It may not be our favorite place, but we do know how to navigate it and even rise above it.
I believe with all my heart that, even amid the crazy times, this universe is ultimately a benevolent positive one. So.......I'll see more of what I look for. After my meltdown (I did have one!), I choose, again, to see the positives first and foremost. They're really there......even when I have to dig for them. So, I dug hard for a couple of weeks. A HARD couple of weeks. But I was reminded how much good there is in our lives in love, family, friendships, adventures, learning, laughing. They're all still there.
Lastly, told myself that while our son was clean, I would savor every minute of it knowing it may not last. It did not. But I DID savor it. And I still do. May sound hokey, but I feel this continually refreshing in bold new ways this sentiment...
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Nothing like living a sentiment to embed it deep into one's bones. I know you all can relate.
Will our son return to us clean one day for a length of time? Perhaps. Hope so.
Will our son never return to us clean for any length of time? Perhaps. Hope not.
But either way, I am grateful for the genuine moments (even if fleeting....actually, ESPECIALLY if fleeting) we have shared.
Thanks for listening.
I hope you're all well!PS -- Hey, new site format since I've been here. Very nice! To whomever did it....nice job!
