Seek's Journey: Some Experiences, Insights, Lessons, Tools, Other :)

[pigless in VA]

What I need to work on is being okay with him dying. I need to do a lot of work around this, because as a grandma who helped raise him, my "job" was to try to keep him well and alive - now I have to let go of that as my "job," even though I am helping him by paying for rehab. I have to get stronger in my conviction that every human being is a sovereign being on their own path - and that we all die - and that he makes choices for himself, and while I hope he thrives and lives - it is not up to me. That is where my work is

I think it is extremely hard to watch someone you love self-destruct. We want so much for them to see their own value, but there are some people who are so broken that they simply cannot see a sober path forward. My late husband was like that. I wanted to save him but I couldn't.

That was the key to me making peace with my son. I had to acknowledge that he makes the choices in his life, not me. He may choose poorly (oh, my, yes!) but it is his life journey. I have little to no influence over him.

 

[RN0441]

I think the bottom line for all of us that love someone that is addicted is that we have to give our self time, maybe even daily, to think about them and grieve for them and their struggle but we have to also live our own life and not make our entire being about trying to fix them.

We cannot fix them. Also usually us trying to help is enabling. Enabling is disabling.

With our son we keep pushing it back on him. He is almost 22. He is young but he is an adult and he's had every opportunity in life. So much more than so many others. So much more than I had certainly.

We know that by us doing for him it will only weaken him and we want to strengthen him. We stand in the background and support him but we are not saving him, fixing him or enabling him any longer.

 

[seek]

People view words differently. I do not enable.

Enabling is engaging in behaviors that keep the alcoholic/addict in a position to keep using without natural consequences (like paying their rent when they are active in their addiction, giving them money when they are active in their addiction, covering for them, etc.)

When someone you love wants to get sober, it is not enabling to assist them in doing so, and supporting them in sobriety. I don't judge others for their personal choices around their alcoholics/addicts, and I am incredulous that others feel free to judge me.

 

[seek]

Not a good day. I had a mini-melt down. I was in a bad space, emotionally - worried, angry, you name it - I realize I have no control over my grandson - I was triggered by about ten things I heard about in five minutes - was unable to stop myself from reacting (just mainly irritated).

When someone is new in recovery, everything is 100% about them - there is no room for you or your feelings . . . I know this yet, I could not control the feelings I was emitting, basically.

I know from experience it's best to have a plan, and we had no plan - he sent me a message and I responded, and did not want to respond - that is my fear - and also hopefulness. It was a very unpleasant experience for both of us. I felt terrible that I was not better able to handle the situation.

Right now I am drinking tea and trying to let it go.

I apologized for "my part," and will process what triggered me with my therapist.

Did not see this one coming.

So many feelings to process.

 

[Littleboylost]

My son detoxed at my house about 5 years ago. Heroin. There was no other place to go that I knew of. I read online about it and gathered what I needed. This time he detoxed in jail, but I'm pretty certain he's using again. He's on the streets a thousand miles away. My heart is breaking. Right now I have no contact with him.

Mc my heart goes out to you. The one thing I say about my D.C. Contacting me is at least I know he is safe. When communication is lost it is very hard on everyone. Hang in there.

 

[seek]

My philosophy in life is that "we are all one," however my humanness cannot perceive what I view as that "truth," so I suffer.

There aren't really any "things" or activities that are more important to me or interest me more than my grandson's well-being. This is unfortunate, as I have no power over his well-being - but in absence of it - there is nothing that captures my attention/love/interest . . .

It feels like a "human" problem to me: Because I am human, I am attached to this person and naturally want them to be well and thrive. There is nothing anyone can say or argue that changes this reality for me.

If my kids/grandkid/other family are well, THEN I can be okay and distract myself with other activities - but the other activities will never, ever be more important than the people I love, so I am basically screwed.

Having a bad day!

 

[BusynMember]

I suggest reading Wayne Dyer books and listening to his youtube videos.

"I CANT" is our ego talking, not our higher self. Anyone can learn to live in our higher selves. We are human, but our higher consciousness is still there if we look for it. Mefiation helps me with this snd lots of positive reading.

At the risk of being told I am judging again, I hope you see that only we create our feelings and realities and that we can all change unless we choose not to. Living for others IS a lost cause. They write their stories. We write only our own. It is sad to me to think you are convinced you are stuck snd unable to change. So I am trying to encourage you to examine that way of thinking. There must be activities you enjoy...people you like or can like.

Or are you depressed and having trouble enjoying anything? I was there once, thankfully not that mindset for a long time. Feeling hopeless is a sign of depression. Therapy can help this. It is treatable.

If you dont expand your world, yes, you are screwed. But I dont believe you cant do it. I believe we can all make our lives better and change.

"We are spirits having a human experience." The spirit in us is still there. We just need to find it and finding it reinvented my life. My life is now in MY control...last week was a horrible week..,death of father, husband heart attack scare...same week. I was able to remember that my dad is still alive in spirit and near me, and to give my husband's test resuults to the universe...his results came back good. I wont let my ego destroy me anyone.

I wish you well. Truly. Dr. Wayne Dyer. He rocks! Doreen Virtue is great about our angels. She is on Youtube. So much info out there to remind us of the loving spirits we all are...eternally. Dont give up learning about this please.

 

[seek]

Yes. I listen to lots of inspirational vids on YouTube. Wayne Dyer & Doreen Virtue are good - have lots of tools.

Everyone has a different experiences.

I am "interested" (as a distraction, mainly) in many things, but my heart is with my grandson. Nothing will ever change that. It's just the way it is. And there are no other people in my life I have a heart connection with - most of the time, I can deny this and try to cope, but today is not good.

I have lots of tools, which I am using and also just grieving.

 

[seek]

I listened to some videos on "other people" on YouTube and that helped a little bit. I also had someone listen to my worries and my process, which was validating. I went shopping for art, and the clerk asked me if I was Pisces - I said Pisces rising, that I had been crying all day, and I am worried about a Pisces. She said she sensed it (she is Pisces too). She asked if she could give me a hug and she did.

So the moral of the story is that I got some relief - I feel like I've been hit by a truck (that PTSD feeling), and I haven't eaten all day, but I intend to have a nice dinner and try to relax this evening and watch TV and try not to obsess or worry.

(I also shared my recommendation with my grandson that he reconsider something - and sent him love), so I feel like I did all I can do at this point.

 

[seek]

Good news today. My grandson seems to have listened to me and messaged me that he was not going to do something that I was worried about (and I just stated my concerns to him and let it go). I am proud of him and am feeling hopeful.

I had been releasing all kinds of pain - cried for two days - feeling more positive today and am starting a new journaling practice.

It is so nice to receive good news.

 

[seek]

Sometimes it's hard to know what is going on.

Monday was the eclipse. My spiritual beliefs involve the effects of astrology and I believe human beings are evolving rapidly and the current world is collapsing to make way for the New Earth (ascension).

So the fact that I was extremely emotional and tired this week, I attributed to the eclipse and other planetary influences and my spiritual evolution.

A lot of my fear centers around my grandson, because I have a strong heart connection with him. I view our relationship also on a spiritual level (believe in reincarnation and assume we had some kind of contract coming in).

In my every day life, I am open to just seeing what "wants" to happen - so in Law of Attraction terms: Checking in with myself and then taking the path of least resistance and also noticing if I am choosing out of love or fear.

I have noticed my heart opening, and I have also noticed my grandson's heart opening . . . throughout some really hairy times, there has been a lot of "Grace." - lots of loving moments, interesting insights, etc.

I cried for two-plus days. I was in a lot of fear - I don't know if I was just releasing old imprints or if it was solely stuff from this lifetime. I feel like it was probably some of each.

I am trying not to only focus on problems - and that is one reason why I am not a fan of Alanon (though I think it's fantastic for those it helps). From an LOA perspective, focusing on the problem only creates more problems . . . and I want to try to uplevel whenever I am able to . . . and I am not always able to do that - this last week kicked my butt in that respect.

I feel that my life right now is simply BEING me and paying attention to what is happening in my world.

I got two really cool books that I am using as a spiritual practice.

I am trying to break some bad habits - entrenched ways of living.

I am also not hanging out with people that I am not on the same wavelength with - so am not attending a family get-together this weekend. I don't feel bad about it. In the past I have because FAMILY has been the big yearning in my life. I guess I am coming to terms with "what is."

I am grateful for so many things in my life and am glad my grandson is alive and well. I pray he will continue to thrive and if there are detours, that I will be able to cope with Grace.

The biggest lesson that I believe but want to KNOW in my heart is that we are all on our own individual spiritual paths - and his soul might have chosen a certain path for him that I cannot understand in this plane of existence.