Self Care

ksm

Well-Known Member
It's so hard...it's like it's ingrained on our minds that everyone's needs/wants/chaos comes before our wants and needs.

For me, it's small things, and some things we can't even do to the covid19. Like lunch with a friend. Getting a hair cut. But, I still can reach out to a friend by phone or text, read a good book, plant some showering annuals in pots on my porch, and purge my closet and drawers of things I no longer want. I can make room for better things in my life.
 
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Overwhelmed1

Well-Known Member
I guess for me it's always been do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Problem being others don't feel the same. I can't change that about myself and I don't want to.
I do have to do better at being ok with disappointments in my own life. The fact that my love does not get reciprocated back to me.
It's all well and good that I can learn to love myself, I want others to love me too and you just can't make that happen.
Doing for myself that which makes me feel good doesn't replace what I am missing from others.
Am I sounding negative? Not meaning to, trying to be honest with myself.
It's those important people in my life that let me down in this area.
Trying to figure it out so I can learn to let it go.

Peace and Love
 

Deni D

Well-Known Member
I guess for me it's always been do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Whew, something I had as a baseline for most of my life. But with me it's been with that hook that I should be able to expect others to do the same towards me. I'm working hard to get through and find some balance from the yin to the yang of this. Now it feels like I've gone way to the other side at times, thinking that protecting myself from others is best.

I think though, actual self care is different. I think self care is eating right, exercising, meditating and such, even when we don't feel like it but knowing we will feel better later for having done it. And being grounded enough to blow off bs that comes to us from others knowing their bs is about them and not us. Some sort of internal compass that guides us through truth instead of letting the winds of others emotions and opinions control us.

I'm still working on it. How to have the oh so important connection with others but not let them dictate my worth.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I am not used to being alone and not working. Our son is now taking over the business.

Guess what? Retirement has been fun! We boat, we walk, we garden. For me I try different hair and make up. I spend time with my grands. I like to write poetry. I have time for me.

I am being very good to me. And I am learning to relax too.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Since we moved to the Gulf Coast and out of cold and dark Chicago we walk almost every day. I started working out until the gym closed also.

We had our yard landscaped and it's coming in beautifully. Enjoy all the beautiful plants and flowers here. We have happy hours on our back covered porch (more now that we're working from home).

Enjoying the beauty here. Meeting new and interesting people all the time. Enjoying financial freedom.

Taking care of us and our marriage. Enjoying having so much more knowledge than ever before and feeling so good in my own skin!
 

JayPee

Sending good vibes...
Learning to not need others "approval" to feel content with myself. Treating myself with the kindness and respect I would give others.
 

JMom

Well-Known Member
I guess for me it's always been do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Problem being others don't feel the same. I can't change that about myself and I don't want to.
I do have to do better at being ok with disappointments in my own life. The fact that my love does not get reciprocated back to me.
It's all well and good that I can learn to love myself, I want others to love me too and you just can't make that happen.
Doing for myself that which makes me feel good doesn't replace what I am missing from others.
Am I sounding negative? Not meaning to, trying to be honest with myself.
It's those important people in my life that let me down in this area.
Trying to figure it out so I can learn to let it go.

Peace and Love
It sounds cliche but the more you love yourself-the more others love you. I've struggled with self esteem my whole life. When I started taking up for myself, I think people respected me more. Once I learned to be ok with myself, I realized it wasn't my business what everyone else thought of me. People generally tend to find a new target when we rise above it. Other people you learn to love will not replace the ones whose love you are lacking. It does leave room for some good stuff when you put it down for a while.
 

JMom

Well-Known Member
Whew, something I had as a baseline for most of my life. But with me it's been with that hook that I should be able to expect others to do the same towards me. I'm working hard to get through and find some balance from the yin to the yang of this. Now it feels like I've gone way to the other side at times, thinking that protecting myself from others is best.

I think though, actual self care is different. I think self care is eating right, exercising, meditating and such, even when we don't feel like it but knowing we will feel better later for having done it. And being grounded enough to blow off bs that comes to us from others knowing their bs is about them and not us. Some sort of internal compass that guides us through truth instead of letting the winds of others emotions and opinions control us.

I'm still working on it. How to have the oh so important connection with others but not let them dictate my worth.
Very nicely stated!
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
To comment on the above statement, I also grew up with very low self esteem. I believe it was because my mother was an alcoholic and my father would beat her, police would come yadda yadda.

I used to think it was because of me. I also thought I was horribly ugly. I could barely stand to look at myself in a mirror. I was painfully shy too.

I also thought that everyone lived like I did and when I realized that they did NOT I was very confused.

I always knew that when "I grew up" I would not live like "that". Whatever "that" was.

I was set on making a happy life for myself when I was in my teen years. In my mid 20's my first husband walked out on me and my ten month old son. My parents had been dead for many years by then. Crushing.

I then met my current husband a few years later and life was finally good again. Then OUR son went off the rails at the age of 15.

Life has a funny way of kicking your ass doesn't it?
 

JMom

Well-Known Member
To comment on the above statement, I also grew up with very low self esteem. I believe it was because my mother was an alcoholic and my father would beat her, police would come yadda yadda.

I used to think it was because of me. I also thought I was horribly ugly. I could barely stand to look at myself in a mirror. I was painfully shy too.

I also thought that everyone lived like I did and when I realized that they did NOT I was very confused.

I always knew that when "I grew up" I would not live like "that". Whatever "that" was.

I was set on making a happy life for myself when I was in my teen years. In my mid 20's my first husband walked out on me and my ten month old son. My parents had been dead for many years by then. Crushing.

I then met my current husband a few years later and life was finally good again. Then OUR son went off the rails at the age of 15.

Life has a funny way of kicking your ass doesn't it?
YES IT DOES!! lol mom-same! mirror-same! are we sisters?
lol
 

Nomad

Well-Known Member
I think of self care mostly as attending to our needs. Nobody else is going to do this for us. And especially if we suffer from additional pressures (and all of us here do) self care becomes critical. Many women tend to put their personal needs last. Then they have extra burdens ..,even folks taking advantage of them...and what do you know...poof...their own needs are not addressed.

I suspect for many women going to the hair or nail salon might go into the category of self care. (Although it could be argued that is just regular care) . But it is relaxing “me” time.
I too love having lunch or coffee out with a friend.
I love reading or listening to a good book. watching a good movie. Treating myself to little things that at first glance might seem trivial...but I know I would love it..so I’ll “go for it” and splurge here and there.

and I love what someone else mentioned...taking the time to take care of ourselves physically and mentally. Awareness of what we are eating. Is it mostly healthy? Getting in some exercise etc. Nit being critical...but loving and caring for ourselves.
 
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