so sad, need hugs

[Estherfromjerusalem]

Janet, I am at a loss for words, I feel your pain so strongly.

I keep starting to write different things, and then deleting them. Whatever I write seems so stupid.

I wish you the strength to get through this dreadful time. You know that you are a very strong person. You have coped with such difficult times that Ant has put you through, you will cope with this too.

I'm sending you my love and support.

Hugs,

Love, Esther

 

[Sunlight]

I do not feel strong. sometimes I think the past makes us worn out and weak when the next battle comes. esp one so personal and heartbreaking. my eyes cannot stop weeping today.

I do not think ant acted out because of boyfriend. Ant would tell me right out if boyfriend did anything wrong so ant could make trouble.

boyfriend used the very word CHAOS. his girls did what they were supposed to, and moved to another state and take care of themselves and do not need him for anything. my kids seem immature to boyfriend. they are behind in leaving home. ant left at 13 and is only back now. he does not want a family and said so. he wants just himself and a woman who live together and work and come home each day to no one else there.

more importantly if he loved me he would tolerate them to be with me. he said they are baggage and they are. I am grateful for him, but it only made me need someone even more, knowing how nice it is to be with someone on a daily basis. I am a needy person that way anyway. I am not a loner. I come from a big family and rarely was alone. having someone to talk with, and share time is so important to me. I can support myself and boyfriend did not pitch in a dime, but I needed him 100% in the companionship dept.

I want a mate...for life..one that will stay til I die. I hope if God has one in the wings it is not too long til he is here. I hope boyfriend is sad and lonely too and wants to be with us once more.

 

[wakeupcall]

It sounds like boyfriend doesn't want the package anymore. I'm so sorry you are hurting. There's no way that he won't hurt some, but if he ever wants to come back, THINK first. Each day will be a tiny bit easier. Be strong.

 

[WhymeMom?]

<span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>I have no words to take away the pain...I do think he at least had the decency to address this directly. He told you his reasons and didn't do the passive aggressive thing, but maybe the past thing with the woman he was trying to counsel was one of those instances. It is good to take time and look at your relationship. You both need to agree on what you want and don't want from each other and it doesn't sound like you're there yet. Don't want to sound cliche, but you found him, so there are others out there you could find too...

Try not to freak out about "being with someone"....I know you have that in your head, but you can do many things on your own too! Thinking of you and wishing you a little peace to hear the sound of your own voice.....</span>

 

[1905]

I'm so sorry for your pain. (((((HUGS))))). I wish I could say something that would ease your pain, that doesn't sound like a cliche- This too, will pass; Time heals all wounds; etc.. you have such a big heart and I'm sorry for this. -Alyssa

 

[DammitJanet]

Janet...I hope I dont make you mad but your boyfriend is making me mad!

He said this:"boyfriend used the very word CHAOS. his girls did what they were supposed to, and moved to another state and take care of themselves and do not need him for anything. my kids seem immature to boyfriend. they are behind in leaving home. ant left at 13 and is only back now. he does not want a family and said so. he wants just himself and a woman who live together and work and come home each day to no one else there."

Hello?

What if the chaos was caused not by Ant being in trouble but because he became ill or injured in an accident and you had to take care of him? Or god forbid, your mother had to come live with you? What then?

This is what family is about! You take the good with the bad and you devote your life to each other and you LOVE each other through the good times and the bad and it strengthens you and that love. You dont walk out when the times get tough and its not all wine and roses anymore.

Ok...off my soapbox.

 

[Suz]

Janet, I am very sorry for your broken heart. He is a good man and was part of your life for a long time. It is a huge loss. :sad:

Suz

 

[Ephchap]

Janet,

There's not much else to say that hasn't been said. I'm so sorry this is happening.

Sending many hugs,
Deb

 

[DazedandConfused]

(((gentle hugs)))

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm so sorry for your sadness. I'm sending gentle hugs and prayers your way. Please take care of you.

 

[judi]

Janet - I'm sorry you are hurting.

 

[JJJ]

I'm so sorry you are in pain. Prayers.

 

[donna723]

Janet, I am so sorry that you are in such pain.

I'm afraid that I have to agree with "the other Janet" on part of it though. That IS what "family" is all about! You help when you're needed and you take care of each other. What if the situation were reversed and it was one of HIS children that needed help? Would he feel differently about it then? If his family hasn't needed his help so far, that's more luck than anything else.

I know you're hurting right now and that your heart is broken. But it sounds like you and this man had very different ideas of what "family" should be. Do you just turn your back on your children once they're grown, associate with them only if they are pleasant, make no demands on your time, and you can keep them at arms-length? If he views family as no more than "baggage", then the two of you were very, very far apart on that issue. Sounds to me like what he wanted was just someone to come home to at night to keep him company, someone completely unencumbered, someone with no ties, no commitments - maybe a department store dummy! You deserve much, much better than this! Sending lots of gentle (hugs).

 

[jannie]

Janet-
I am sorry that you are going through all of this. Sending hugs-

 

[Kathy813]

Sending a big hug for your hurting heart.

{{{{hug}}}}

~Kathy

 

[saving grace]

Janet Oh my friend I am so very very sorry for the pain you are going through right now.

I have to say though that I am smelling the same fish "the other Janet" smells. It doesnt add up??? Why now? Kaleb, Ant Nick they have all been here for the past three years, jails, relapses, court, alot of drama and he has never waivered. The relationship and man you described in an earlier post does not sound like the same man, that man doesnt use words like "baggage" and "chaos".

2 weeks ago when he was trying to convince you to give him a chance when he was called out on the emails and the other women was the perfect oppurtunity to leave, yet he didnt, he told you he loved you and wanted to be with you.

Something is up?? Maybe it is just time he needs. Maybe there is something more with this women, maybe she wont go away.

He has no right to blame Ant and Kaleb, and you dont mean it when you say you will have a relationship with him and he will never have to see Ant or Kaleb.... You cant mean that.

Its not clear to us now but it will work out, somehow it will, I think that Ant should seriously start looking for another job. This does not seem like a good thing for them to be together.

Also, what would he do if one of his "perfect" children came crawling home to him in a crisis?? what comes around goes around.

Thinking and crying for you

Grace

 

[Stella Johnson]

I'm so sorry. I know how much it hurts. I went through it a few years ago with someone I dated for a couple of years.

Cry your eyes out for a few days and let it all out. Then you can move on to the really "mad" stage. It helps to get over him.

I have to say, I smell a rat as well. Something just isn't right. (maybe this will help with the mad stage) :hypnosis:

Try to keep yourself busy. Don't sit around the house. It will only make it worse for you.

:flower: ((hugs))

Steph

 

[Suz]

Why does there have to be a "bad guy" here? I don't get it.

boyfriend was good to Janet and ant and Kaleb for a very long time. We all know this and she is the first to say so. He went above and beyond what many of our own spouses have contributed (certainly more than my ex did) in regards to emotional support for Janet and her family.

He now wants a different life and was honest enough to tell her that he doesn't love her in the same way anymore- I don't see why that makes him a "rat" or "smells funny" or whatever. It is unfortunate and sad and it hurts that what he wants is not what Janet wants, but that doesn't make him a bad person.

I know your intentions are good and your statements are made out of loyalty and love for Janet. I certainly hope that there isn't anything underhanded going on but I think you do their relationship and the enormity of Janet's loss a disservice when you criticize something that only the two of them really know.

Suz

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

I'm so sorry!!! I truly believe that all things happen for a reason even if we don't understand the reason at the time... From what you wrote, it sounds like you'll be better off without boyfriend in the long run... He can't give you what you need and deserve.

It always seems like when it rains it pours... Kaleb's mother needs to return from Texas and take care of her son!!! Please remember, as much as you love Kaleb, you are his grandmother and shouldn't have to shoulder so much of the responsibility for his care...

Please take good care of yourself. It's never easy getting over a long-term relationship... Please know, you aren't alone - we're here for you... Praying for strength and peace for you... Sending lots of cyber hugs... :flower: WFEN

 

[tiredmommy]

{{{Janet}}}
I'm sorry you are in such pain. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but the pain will fade. Try to focus on the fact that he loved you & respected you enough to tell you the truth. At least he isn't just stringing you along. Plus, I think you deserve to have someone in your life that is utterly and totally in love with you. It doesn't sound like that's the situation here.
Don't forget we're here for you...