so sad, need hugs

[Stressed2theHilt]

Janet I'm sorry for your pain and anguish.

Sounds like the boyfriend had a lot of good and bad qualities. It is real easy to focus on the bad when your hurting.

Weep until you can't weep anymore.

Think about all the good he brought to your life. Think about how far you've come since your eX.

Janet, you are a strong woman and you'll get thru this. You always say that "God has a plan". Well he does and today that plan doesn't include the boyfriend. Probably not tomorrow either. Doesn't mean the same next week or next month.

Don't sit around and wallow in misery or feel sorry for yourself. Take some time to focus on you instead of your King. Take some time to treat yourself like the Queen should be treated.

With a broken heart, you at least know you are still alive, not dying on the inside.

A wise person once told me that you have to love and have your heart broken many times before you really know what it means to love. I looked at him like he was nuts...until I broke it off with him nearly 3 years later. Broke my heart but it was the thing to do. No villians (except me for ending it. :wink: ) Been with the current Beau for nearly two years and couldn't be happier. I know I couldn't feel the way I do now without having loved before.

I'm tired, probably not making sense.

 

[TYLERFAN]

Janet:

I am sorry for your pain.
I remember dating a guy for over a year a few years ago. He was very nice to me, generous and kind to my child. He also had a difficult child. I caught him e-mailing other younger girls not once, but 3 times. It cut to the core of my soul....this betrayal. It hurt sooooo bad, that I have dreams that represent that hurt to this day, even though we are long over ( I broke it up), the feelings of that hurt still remain. It's like an injury that leaves a scar. After alot of soul-searching and crying over this betrayal, I recovered. It took awhile. What was evident was that I overlooked alot of what he made very transparent. That he at 40, wanted a 22 year old girl. He got one and she made his life miserable (lost his job because of her, etc). What goes around comes around.
I know you have invested alot of feelings into boyfriend. He has told in different ways that he has not done the same. By seeing another woman behind your back, he has broken a sacred trust. Aren't you glad you didn't marry him?
I am sorry Janet. I remember driving home one night sobbing that noone would ever love me. At 45, I am marrying the absolute love of my soul. I never thought I would ever be this happy. Let boyfriend go and take time to grieve. There will be someone for you Janet, someone who can live up to what you truly deserve.
God Has A Plan. :angel:

Blessings,
Melissa

 

[Sunlight]

he called again last night. we talked about an hour.

he said it is not about the woman he met for coffee. he said he may not want to settle down with anyone. he said he needs time. he said he hopes this seperation is not permanent for us. he thanked me for all the good I brought out of him, and he expressed remorse for the things he did in the past. he said he feels guilty when he looks at my face because he is not as good to me as I am to him.

he said any other woman would have slapped his face and walked out long ago if they had been lied to and betrayed like he did to me. he also said he appreciated that I forgave him and gave him more chances. he said his house is too quiet, he misses our coffee and chats together. he tossed and turned all night.

I asked him why is he calling me? was it because he wanted to turn this into a phone friendship, was he feeling guilty, did he need to know I was ok so it would make him feel better? he said he wanted to check and see how I was. he asked me if I do not want him to call anymore. I told him I do not know.

My mind is blank and I cannot think right. on one hand I want to hear his voice and make him know I am here and I care. on the other hand, I want to not let him hear my voice and make him wonder if I care at all anymore. I do not believe in games or being anyone but who I am. for now, I do have caller ID and will not take his call next time.

ant still works for him. on monday I will drive ant to meet boyfriend to work. I am already shaking at the thought of seeing him. it will be uncomfortable.

busywend, I am so grateful to have talked to you on the phone last night. I will think over your words. I remember one gal I used to meet now and then and I will call her to get out of the house.

melissa that is exactly how I felt with him emailing this 10 yrs younger woman. it cut my heart out and made my knees wobble til I had to lie down. he is 51 yrs old. I am 54. I hope I can get past this and find a man who wants to be a life partner.

 

[saving grace]

Janet
I have been thinking about this post for a few days now, I feel so bad that you are in this postion right now. I was thinking of the post you wrote about how you were raised that the man is the king. That you take care of him and love him to make him feel so. What about YOU Janet? Shouldnt he treat you like a queen? I know you say there are many many times that he has treated you like a queen but it should be everyday, all the time, not just certain times. There should never be any betrayel or hurt.
I had bad dating experiences as well, I was insecure and I had intamcy and trust issues. I met my husband, he had just lost his first wife of Leukemia they had been together 12 years. From day one he treated me with respect, kindness and love. I never NEVER caught him in any form of infidelity. I am the women in his life, I am now his wife, the mother of his child. I had a teenager when he came into my life, he never waivered. difficult child became a difficult child, he never waivered, NOT ONCE. He has expressed frustration and doubt but it has never been about me or leaving me or our relationship. We fight about difficult child but he is in it for the long haul.

Janet You deserve the best, you have been through so much in your life, you deserve the kindness and love ALL the time you should not have any doubt in your love. I didnt believe it existed but it does. I believe that things happen for a reason and what your going through is happening for a reason, and I will quote a very wise wise strong independant women I know
"GOD HAS A PLAN"

I also dont know too too much of your upbrining but I can recall some not so nice things you have said of your childhood and of your Mom, so if you were raised to treat a man like a King maybe just mmaybe thats not gonna work, it hasnt worked so far, YOU Janet should be treated that way.

"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you"

Sorry for the preaching, I just felt that I needed and wanted to say what I was feeling, sorry If in any way I offended you.

Grace

 

[Sunlight]

no offense Grace. I appreciate all the words from everyone. I feel numb and cannot think for myself today.

I had been recently praying to God that if boyfriend was not right for me to close the door, not just close it but to slam it shut.
I had also prayed that if God decided to slam it, I want him to hold onto me and continue to be with me thru this time. I want to believe He has someone waiting down the road that will be even better for me.

it is just so hard to let go and let God today.

 

[Kathy813]

Janet,

I am another one who has trouble with the idea of a "king." That puts women in a subserviant role to the king which in my opinion opens the door to abuse or at the very least an imbalance of power in the relationship.

However, I understand that some people believe in those roles so it is not my place to judge. I do see, however, that you have been hurt in this relationship. It bothers me that your boyfriend wants to keep you stringing along. It seems like he wants to hedge his bets in case he gets lonely and wants to change his mind.

If it were me, I would tell him that since he wants to break up, you want to break all contact. Let him be lonely and realize what he has lost.

I'm sorry for your pain. It's been a long time since I broke up with someone but I do remember that it does get easier with time.

~Kathy

 

[TYLERFAN]

Hi Janet:

For myself, I know that sometimes God has to drop a boulder on me. :hammer:
What I learned is:
Sometimes I do not recognize the door as having been closed. :hypnosis:
I would suggest to you that the door closed by way of the separation that boyfriend initiated.
I would also ask you to consider that , now that the door has closed, you "accept what you cannot change".
I will pray that you are able to give boyfriend to God and that you will make a full healing of this situation.

Blessings,
Melissa :angel:

 

[busywend]

I believe in King only if I get to be the Queen. If not, deal is off.

It is a partnership. Each person should recognize and know what makes the other happy, angry, sad, hurt, etc. It takes time. If you are aware of your partner and they are making you feel good, you will make them feel good. It is the circle you want to keep spinning. If that circle slows down it becomes wobbly, unbalanced and sways from side to side. That means somebody is not paying attention to their partner, so one of you have to make efforts to get it spinning again so it will be balanced and strong enough to keep spinning.

If someone is continually doing or saying things that hurt your feelings it is your job to make them aware of it. If after being made aware of the pain it causes they continue to do and say things that are hurtful, they are not helping to keep the circle spinning.

boyfriend can not keep the circle going right now. He may be able to in the future, but he can not right now and therefore, he can not help keep the partnership going strong. One can not do it alone for long.

This is why it is important to re-evaluate yourself during this time and make sure you know what makes your circle spin.