Some days I
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Jannie-You're right we not to take it personally, it's something I do well with at times and other times it's just so hard.
Heather-easy child is only too happy to go to her room, she practically lives there-she makes her rude comments on her way there! difficult child is another story, we can tell him to go to his room but it takes awhile to get him there. Usually the way he finally ends up going is he realizes he will lose tv or computer time if he doesn't. Thanks for the hugs.
Susie-Thanks
Heather-easy child is only too happy to go to her room, she practically lives there-she makes her rude comments on her way there! difficult child is another story, we can tell him to go to his room but it takes awhile to get him there. Usually the way he finally ends up going is he realizes he will lose tv or computer time if he doesn't. Thanks for the hugs.
Susie-Thanks
Granted, my kids are young, but I have two responses to "I hate you!" that seem to work so far.
The first is to say, "That's a punishable offense." Meaning, you'll lose a privilege if you talk to me this way. And I follow through. I tell them when things are calmer that "I hate you" is uncreative and lazy, and that they have a million different and better ways of expressing their frustrations with me.
The second is to say, "You know what? That really hurts my feelings." I don't say it with tears or a quiver in my voice, but more like a correction for a slip-up. More in the same tone as I'd say, "You know what? You left a mess all over the floor." I think it's an honest reaction but not the kind of reaction they were hoping for, (if they're even HOPING for a reaction - sometimes they say it because they're too frustrated to be articulate) and it tends to stop them.
Basically, I've adopted the stance that saying "I hate you" is beneath them and I'm hoping that they'll internalize this as they grow into the teen years.
The first is to say, "That's a punishable offense." Meaning, you'll lose a privilege if you talk to me this way. And I follow through. I tell them when things are calmer that "I hate you" is uncreative and lazy, and that they have a million different and better ways of expressing their frustrations with me.
The second is to say, "You know what? That really hurts my feelings." I don't say it with tears or a quiver in my voice, but more like a correction for a slip-up. More in the same tone as I'd say, "You know what? You left a mess all over the floor." I think it's an honest reaction but not the kind of reaction they were hoping for, (if they're even HOPING for a reaction - sometimes they say it because they're too frustrated to be articulate) and it tends to stop them.
Basically, I've adopted the stance that saying "I hate you" is beneath them and I'm hoping that they'll internalize this as they grow into the teen years.
