Son 21, stealing, denying, swearing.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tired out, May 19, 2018.

  1. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Congratulations!! I hope you have learned a valuable lesson and that we all learn from this exercise.

    If we give them an inch, they take a mile. What an old saying but it's so true!!

    I'm glad that you closed your bank. LOL
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  2. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    I have missed you too. I was looking for an update on your son.

    He may try BUT he will have to come to the house- I blocked him on my cell. I don't want to hear it ding and be afraid to look at it! I am tired of my blood pressure and nerves spiking when I hear the generic tone. People I want to hear from have their own alert tones :). As far as him coming to the house, we have the video doorbell (Ring) so if I see it is him and don't feel like dealing with it I can ignore the door, OR send his dad if he is home. His dad knows everything that has gone on. He said , "I wondered how long till you would be totally fed up with him. "

    Yep..I finally gave him enough rope that he got very tangled up in it.

    It still just KILLS me that he tried to turn me seeing him when he said he was at work into me stalking him..LOL. That was the complete last straw. AND saying he forgot to pay the rent but paid ALL of his other bills when I could log into the bank account ans see he had blown ALL the money every week! NUTS!

    Want to know what I did today? Since I didn't give him MY money.
    I had a pedicure. That felt good and my toes look nice. Time for sandals. And hubby brought me flowers. This house let out a BIG sigh of relief.
    • Winner Winner x 6
    • Like Like x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  3. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    OH MY GOD.
    So..He texts this morning...Help me please. I am going to get evicted.
    I showed his dad we have talked about the whole situation. He has been making decent money and blowing it.
    I am so fed up.

  4. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Most places there is a notice and you have a period of time that you can ask for to try to fix the situation. My understanding is you can go to the local magistate and ask for an extension they are usually granted. Let him get the extension and at least try to fix it himself. Of course that may depend on if he got the notice a while ago and ignored it.

    In the end, eviction takes about six weeks from filing the complaint to changing the locks and removing the tenant.Mar 13, 2012 thats in pa.
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2019
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Tired. What kinds of drugs is he using? My take is that he may be blowing his money on drugs and that may be one of the reasons he reacted so badly when you swung by his place unannounced.

    To my way of looking at this, nothing is served by his maintaining that apartment. He is misusing his independence and freedom. What will change?

    That said, if he wants to fight to maintain the residence, that's his business. But if he is being evicted for non-payment of rent, it's simple, he needs to pay the rent.

    He may be being evicted for other reasons. Like bad behavior. Or unauthorized people in the space. How does this have anything to do with you?

    I am so very sorry this is happening. He treats you and his Dad like garbage, with hostility and contempt, and then he wants to hide behind your skirt. Why does this sound oh so familiar?

    Let me repeat. How does this have anything to do with you?
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2019
  6. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    He's not ready to grow up yet. Be thankful he has job skills. It sounds like he's capable of getting a job, but for whatever reason cannot keep a job. It also sounds like the girlfriend might have gotten the code for his bank card. Does she work or have kids? If she has children some of that money might be going to support them.

    And, just where were the three of them going in the middle of day when your son said he would be at work? Why wasn't the girlfriend at work? Who was the friend in the car, and why was he not at work or in class? If the friend works nights, he should be sleeping during the day. In other words, this friend in the car with them was trouble.

    The gun situation is very troubling. I hate to think this, but it sounds like he got mixed up with some low lifes

    I definitely think you did the right thing by offering to get him into counseling. If he keeps losing or quitting job after job, it could mean several different problems. If he was more mature, I think it would help him to have a job coach or life coach, but he's not ready yet.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  7. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    Interestingly I can still log in and see his expenditures. He hasn't taken hardly any cash out. over last month one $100.00 ATM total that's it . the rest is all fast food, gas, walmart, grocery store, pet store, big lots, Harbor freight and Auto Zone. His debit card use is excessive. Today alone he spent $115.00 drove all 4 corners of the city (ok it is only 8 miles corner to corner. But still.. 3 different grocery stores total $72, steak and shake ($5), panda Express($6) Gas $32

    I have no idea. Why does he tell me Here is the exact opening text this morning, and I quote"I'm sorry for being an AH , I'm stressed to all hell with finances, I don't understand it obviously, but I realy need help one last time if you can. I had to pay my car or they were taking it away. I'm buying XXX jeep off of him in a month and giving the car back and honestly I am broke right now and I really n eed help with the rent one last time. And girlfriend spent all her $ on college to be able to go back . Honestly we are going to get an eviction notice if it doesn't get paid and the unemployment $ didn't go in yet. I called and she said she will call me back. And I work for ***** staffing and the place I was working they got a machine to do our job and I didn't have work this week. I go to another place on Monday. Same pay. I can pay you back all of it in 2 weeks. Half next week, half the week after. "

    So he didn't get eviction notice as of yet. But never paid April rent. so they owe april plus late fee. Says he can bring me half of it tomorrow (375) can I loan him the other half and pay it on-line for them.
    I told him we all (him, me and his dad) go over the bank statement and what he is doing and prioritizing and a real plan to follow through on before we help him with anything. he txt back that he doesn't want to come in and get yelled at that him and dad are not ever going to get along. I said those are my terms take it or leave it. His choice. I haven't heard back. I told him I am only available 11-1 tomorrow.

    On Tuesday when I told him to meet me at bank to remove my name from account. He tried to get me to help with rent then and I refused. I told him to pay it today when he got paid--he lead me to believe today the back unemployment he is owed was supposed to go in ( he is owed almost $1100, and the State has jerked him around, that is true I went over the stuff with him on-line 3 weeks ago) But I also told him since he was off this week due to no work he should go onto unemployment site and claim for the week. The he won't be that far behind.
    BUT he said he paid the car payment-- no he didn't.
  8. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    I so wish he would go for this. But he is too pig headed.He knows it all. And he does he is very intelligent but also an idiot.

    His girlfriend is his age. She works full time (2-10:30pm). She was a full time college student--was supposed to graduate this semester but couldn't afford (all) the tuition this semester and is supposedly going back for spring/summer session. Who knows how much truth there is. Who the other kid was getting int he car I don't know, looked their age (22).

    I know it isn't that easy to evict people here. My son-in-law owns rental properties and he has had some lu-lu tenants and it has take 2 months to get them out.

    Well they need to live somewhere. Them paying rent and food should be first on their list. What would be the alternative? He is not welcome to move in here, No way in hel*.
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Tired loving them is not easy to separate from enabling the. At the best of times. You did the right things. Not the easy thing, the right thing in all ways!
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List