Still wont even attempt to solve his own problems

[Lil]

Nobody wants to get involved. They're all scared of her after her scene and I can't blame them.

You'd be amazed what someone will say once they're subpoenaed. It's just different being under oath...most will tell the truth, whether they want to or not. Besides, they may not want to get involved, but you tell the GAL and she talks to the scout leaders, etc., and they'll likely be truthful about her scene.

 

[Copabanana]

Lil, I like your new avatar. Your son did it. Good for him.

I am so sorry about what is happening to Bart around the custody filing by Ex. I can feel how frightened he must be. Does ex have the money to pay an attorney for all of this? The GAL and possible psychologist might not be cheap, either.

I was feeling so hopeful.

COPA

 

[Lil]

Your son did it. Good for him.

Well, I've no idea what they're doing...he called this a pit stop. Don't know where they're going, but I guess it's not my problem.

 

[A dad]

My youngest was very sheltered when growing up not very independent hardly knew how to do thing by himself but when he went to college that he wasted since he did not study at all and never went to exams he also learned how to make his own food, wash his clothes, ratio on food, pay bills and how to ration on utilities to watch the price at products he buys.
He learned to socialize better also.
It was not such a waste of time and money at least.

 

[pasajes4]

I think you are handling this very well Lil. I have a feeling mine will be wearing out his welcome where he is living and decide to take off and make it to Houston.

 

[BusynMember]

You'd be amazed what someone will say once they're subpoenaed. It's just different being under oath...most will tell the truth, whether they want to or not. Besides, they may not want to get involved, but you tell the GAL and she talks to the scout leaders, etc., and they'll likely be truthful about her scene.

I agree with you. But you don't kn ow the whole story. I haven't posted it. Too tiring...lol. I do tell him the things you say and he is very grateful for any feedback. He is getting his lawyer a bit annoyed because he contacts him so much. Like he contacted him about this incident, but had no names, not even th e scoutmaster's name, because he wasn't here and girlfriend won't give up her friends. So he had to go on FB to get the girl's last name and address.

It's not a good situation. This ex will never work with him and his son is terrified of the mother and his stepdad. And Bart has such high anxiety that he freaks out over everything. I told him not to contact his lawyer unless he has facts: dates, names, addresses. This is a good lawyer a nd I don't want him to drop Bart.The lawyer he used the first time got very annoyed t hat she was contacted too much, and she charged for every contact. This one is more generous that way. He really wants to help, but he has other clients.

I am getting stressed myself from this and have had to take breaks from hearing about the case 24/f7. I honestly am not going back to St. Louis until this is over. His girlfriend is a loose cannon and she could go to his ex and team up with her, if Bart doesn't stay with her, but they are fighting.

I've never had so much fun...lololol!

I hope that if I pull back, he finds somebody else to talk to about this because, well, he's 37 and I'm his mother. I love him, but he has to learn to talk to people his own age. The trouble is, he keeps finding women to fill that gap, and he doesn't have good judgment about them. This one reminds me of his ex, except that right now she is on his side. If she breaks up with him or he does her and she wants payback, she would probably go to ex for payback. Isn't that nice? He asks for advice, but if I suggest maybe putting women on hold until custody is settled, I get, "But I need somebody to talk to. You'd have to fill that gap and you' don't always answer your phone."

No kidding. I work, I have a husband and we do things, I have three other kids who also call, I have a class Tues. n ight and always a full day on Wed. (my day off) and my other son, Sonic, bowls on Thursday and I go to watch. And I don't always pay attention to my phone so I don't hear it sometimes. And sometimes, heck, I put it on silence.

It's a mess. Sorry to hijack your thread.

You have a great day

 

[Tanya M]

You are doing well Lil.

Don't know where they're going, but I guess it's not my problem.

He's learning that he has to do things for himself because you have been strong and have told him no when he calls wanting you to take care of things for him.

 

[A dad]

I hope that if I pull back, he finds somebody else to talk to about this because, well, he's 37 and I'm his mother. I love him, but he has to learn to talk to people his own age. The trouble is, he keeps finding women to fill that gap, and he doesn't have good judgment about them. This one reminds me of his ex, except that right now she is on his side. If she breaks up with him or he does her and she wants payback, she would probably go to ex for payback. Isn't that nice? He asks for advice, but if I suggest maybe putting women on hold until custody is settled, I get, "But I need somebody to talk to. You'd have to fill that gap and you' don't always answer your phone."

The fact that he keeps finding girlfriends to fill the gap means he can talk to someone his age but he did not learned the value of non romantic relationship with other people. Oh well at least he calls you my youngest did not called me for months now and when he was in college he did the same thing. I do not know what is worst being called all the time or not at all because its either that or the other there is no middle ground with adult children it seems.

 

[Lil]

My youngest was very sheltered when growing up not very independent hardly knew how to do thing by himself but when he went to college that he wasted since he did not study at all and never went to exams he also learned how to make his own food, wash his clothes, ratio on food, pay bills and how to ration on utilities to watch the price at products he buys.
He learned to socialize better also.
It was not such a waste of time and money at least.

Ours knew how to do all that when he went to college...so all he did was get stoned and sleep all day. Guess ours was just a waste of time and money. lol

I have a feeling mine will be wearing out his welcome where he is living and decide to take off and make it to Houston.

Maybe he'll meet up with mine. He has a friend somewhere on the Gulf Coast in Texas who invited them to come. The same one who followed him to the homeless shelter. I don't know how my son keeps these friends, he talks bad about them, but always goes back.

you don't kn ow the whole story. I haven't posted it. Too tiring...lol. I do tell him the things you say and he is very grateful for any feedback. He is getting his lawyer a bit annoyed because he contacts him so much.

When I practiced law we charged a minimum of 10 minutes for every phone call (and after that we charged in 15 minute increments - so a 20 minute call was 1/2 hour) and a minimum of 30 minutes for every letter. That'll add up. He has a good lawyer. He needs to let him do his job and simply inform him of the necessary things. I guess just remind him, SHE has the burden of proof. All he wanted was to change residential address for education purposes and keep things 50/50. SHE'S the one who keeps trying to do stuff without talking to him or getting any input. Courts generally side with the parent most likely to make sure the other one has substantial and meaningful contact with the child. In other words, they like the most reasonable parent. That's pretty clearly him. He just needs to keep two things firmly in mind. 1) Be reasonable. 2) Be calm. He needs to present a calm, stable environment.

 

[A dad]

Ours knew how to do all that when he went to college...so all he did was get stoned and sleep all day. Guess ours was just a waste of time and money. lol

You see what happens if you taught him important life skills before he went, he had time and knowledge to do other things then learning how to survive

 

[BusynMember]

Lil, Bart is clearly the one, but ex filed a new motion, in order to get rid of her contempt charges, to go for sole legal custody. She has requested a GAL. It will go on forever. Lawyer advised letting it go on forever because it is establishing status quo that Junior goes to his Old School and 50/50 stays the same. Legal custody is probably going to be reassigned because it is clear they can't work together. The sad part is, ex is a big liar and she will make it seem he isn't working with her and that's not true. He tries. She just refuses to compromise. But the GAL and if there is a psychologist, the psychologist too, won't hear that from her and it will be he said/she said.

Bart could not have picked a worse partner for a wife and to have a child with if he had been been advertising for th e craziest lady to marry. The thing is, he keeps getting risky girlfriends too.

Jabber, yes, I wish he'd understand the value of non-female and non-romantic relationships. Bart is a lot like me in that he is an introvert, but he is way worse than me. I do crave being with people at certain times. Just can't do it all the time and don't like parties and crowds. Bart is one who really is happy with just work related acquaintances. He doesn't do man stuff with other men. He never has. He kind of is like my father that way. And his father who doesn't need ANYONE and his entire social life are his kids and grandchildren.

Oh, well, I try...lol. I am not that quiet senior who rocks and knits though. I am very busy and feel very young and am always on the go, even when I don't want to be!

 

[Lil]

One day. He has been in the other state ONE DAY. I'm on FB tonight and he messages me and says, "If girlfriend breaks up with me, is there anyway to get me back to Missouri? Otherwise I'll be stranded."

Really? He actually hitch hiked to another state with a girl he thinks may break up with him? Really! I told him that he got himself there he can get himself back.

But NO! He can't do that! After all, the only reason they got the ride was they were a homeless couple and people felt sorry for them and he doesn't even know where he is really or how to get back. He and she helped each other get there and he can't do it alone!

I told him that there are maps at truck stops and I'm sure he can manage. He's not helpless. He can figure it out. I can't solve his problems. But no...he doesn't want me to solve his problems...he's just worried about where he'll sleep if he's got a days of travel to do.

I told him it's not winter and he'll survive.

I suggested that he figure out how to earn some money in case he needs a bus ticket. BUT NO...that won't work. If they break up then he'll get kicked out and won't be able to find work then....At which point I told him homeless people do manage to work and finding a job and being able to contribute might make her happier, but what would I know.

He ended with I love you. I guess that something.