Marg, I would love nothing more that for that to happen. My complaint for quite some time is our lack of a "partnership". He works with his parents re: the cows, etc. But I am never involved in anything that is a cooperative effort with husband.
First thing he did when settled at home after my accident? Install a 13" tube tv on top of the kitchen table so he can watch tv while he did anything in the kitchen. That ^%$#@! tv has him by the gonads. If he is in this house, he is in front of that tv.. I can watch tv and fold laundry. He doesn't seem capable.
He can cook. He can cook well. The problem he has is recognizing a need for cleanup. This may come from his mom...I need to take a picture of what he grew up in. Not that that is an excuse, but somewhat of an explanation. But right now, getting him to do anything is next to impossible. I didn't explode, but I am dead serious that this will NOT continue, and if that means he's gone, so be it...and I got an unhooked truck, a load of laundry put in the washer only (still there, by the way), and whatever else he did Wed night....last night was right back to the same thing.
I would love for him to have asked me to collaborate on the roof. He called his dad. This weekend, we have to replace an underground drain pipe. I have a feeling it will be easy child 1 and me. I've talked to him. It, too, has been broken since last fall. I said the weather's not too hot or cold, and we are free (if this isn't addressed by summer - it will be a major problem). His response? He needs to go to his co-worker's house and bring home some logs to cut up for firewood for our next camping trip and for his folks for next winter....
I am fairly certain he doesn't do this to be spiteful, tho if I get to him and get a real reaction/respoonse from him, he can get quite passive aggressive.
Our typical day here. We get up about the same time. He lets his dog out, maybe Wee's. He gets dressed, lets his dog in, and leaves for work. He leaves early tostop on the way to get breakfast. I take my shower, start Wee's bath, wake Wee. While he is in the tub, I get dressed for work, etc. Let my dog out, and Wee's if its not out. Usually husband's goes, too. When I'm dressed, Wee gets out of the tub, gets dressed, eats a bowl of cereal, takes medications, shoes/socks, and in the car. While he eats, I log on to work to see if there's anything I need to address immediately, since I get in late. Drive up and feed and water the chickens, and any horses that might be stalled (like when rain rot pony was stalled - its not a constant). Take Wee to school, walk him to his classroom, leave, and drive to work. Spend 8 hours at work, if I leave for lunch, its generally to get groceries. Today, I will pick up drain pipe on my lunch.
husband gets home by 5, fills the stock tank and puts out a big bale of hay if needed (big round bale - so only set out every 3-4 days). Now the horses are on pasture, so he won't be haying. And then his evening begins. It is common for this to be when he comes in and turns on the tv, and that's where he'll be til midnight pretty much every night. He might bring in some of easy child 1's dogfood on his way to feed his dog. Last night, he turned out a horse, and fished, then came inside, cleaned the fish, made some cheese dip for chips, and sat down. The empty cheese container, two salsa jars half emtpy, his take out sack, and the fish knife are all still on the counter. The cheese dip itself is in the fridge, not covered.
I get off between 430 and 5,often stay late on Tue or Thur because I don't have PT those days, go pick up Wee from grandma's, come home, unload whatever is in the car if I got groceries or whatever. Then I fix supper and do dishes, and then address whatever chore is looming largest. That would be fine if we live a typical suburban life, but we don't...that looming chore might be brakes on the truck, or it might be a week's worth of laundry, or, replacing a drain pipe (that is broken because husband drove where he was told not to....) or medicating a horse, or crawling in the attic to see what can be done to prevent a ceiling from falling in, or winterizing the house, or un-winterizing the house, or filing info for Wee's parent report folder, or fighting with insurance to get more PT, or pay bills, or whatever. Basically, if its not mowing the yard, it probably falls to me. And if it is mowing the yard and he doesn't have "his" mower, it still falls to me (he has changed the oil in the mower once...he's had it 4 years now, I think??? Maybe 3). And while I do those things (last night, after the meeting, I bought supplies for the drain line...I have to get more today), he sits there and watches tv.
When I got home last night, I only made sure Wee had clothes for today, and went to bed because I hurt really bad last night. I fell asleep in my clothes. He woke me this morning wanting *something*. And that's another thing....he has not once asked me "how are you" in this whole freakin' deal. And if I tell him anyway that I hurt? His response? "I know.. Mine does too." So I don't even say anything anymore. But I never go to bed early, or with my clothes on, or or or....and he didn't think a thing of any of it.
On nights I go to pt, I will send husband to pick up Wee, but its the same scaenario, except I'm home an hour later.
Open choice lead to no choice. Making a commitment is difficult. Analyze what would work best and then have a brief conversation with your husband. "I
