hey wow i'm sooo late to this. shari we both know i'm soo not the woman to be handing out marriage advice LOL. i'm the "bad" guy to some extent in my own scenario yet one thing stood out and i didnt' read all the responses.
would you say your talk with him last night was different? the fact that he admitted with your prompting that most of what your saying is true? would you say in some very small way that was different?? the talk I mean, he's admitting it??
if it is, than why cant' you take that as a plus, a really small plus for now. let it rest and let it sit in his mind for now what you said, things you do, your aggrivation. why not suggest just going out one night this weekend just the two of you? no kids, horses, ponies whatever lol just the two of you??
i'm learning slowly from therapy and everyone here that you really cant' change someone, you can only focus on yourself. your own boundaries. you i think need to firming find them, place them in your mind what you will and wont' tolerate.
also in your mind say what are the bare necessities i need to do besides my work, job that is?? bare necessities i mean. than list those in your mind and do just those. stop doing so much. the kids, husband it seems won't pitch in because why should they literally shari you do a whole lot, yes your mad yet your still doing it it seems. stop. if the house is a mess than so be it, if the towels are a wreck than let them be a wreck. get the point?
it's a really hard thing to do especially for you i think because you like to accomplish things, your a doer and also you like things a certain way. i don't blame you.
i dont' think your wrong in any of it. yet it's like the definition of insanity i found myself in, repeating the same behavior over and over again and expecting a different result sort of thing.
just stop doing. seriously. draw those boundaries. stop talking to him and trying to get what he isnt' willing to give right now. let everything fall apart, besides your job and bare necessities. maybe somehow someway the point will come across in your actions. they are louder than words.
does that make any sense? when i went to portland let me just say the place here was absolutely trashed, dirty had to hire a cleaning team to come in prior to my return. certain things although my carppy family is out of wack they did respect once i returned. clean floors, animals being taken care of, clear cut schedules, food in the fridge, stability.
marriage soo isnt' easy. sometimes i do think expecting one man and one woman to stay together a lifetime in a monogamous relationship and not kill one another with all lifes ups and downs is just insane LOL
i'm sorry your so stressed. stress just can eat you alive. i hope you do something good for you today