My father was a sociopath; married to my mother for 22 disastrous years.
I have thought about writing a book about him and my experiences. I've read about half of The Sociopath Beside Me. (actually, listened. I have it D/L'd on my computer) it. But, I lived it too and don't need to have it described to me.
Normal people would probably think I'm making what he did up. He was a CLASSIC sociopath. I could never understand a man that was suppose to protect me from the world, was the one I needed protecting from. Every person that he managed to entangle in his web paid, usually financially. The man would have thrown me under the bus if he thought there was a nice payoff for him. He could manage to mimic "real" emotions, but when I look back now, I know it was all an act. Yet, he could be so so very charming, witty, and smart. He would make me feel like I was the most amazing child ever. He would also turn on a dime and he did on me a lot. He threaten to cut off my breasts if he ever caught me without a bra. He said this when I was nine and I still remember how I terrified I was. He would tell me that I was adopted and wasn't his REAL child, and then hug my cousin and say how SHE was his REAL child. He drank and gambled heavily. There would be an expensive car in the driveway, but his children would have no shoes to wear. There were some happy times, but they were fleeting, yet they kept me hanging on that my father would one day be a regular Dad. He was almost "like" one at times. This went on well into my adulthood.
In my late thirties, I just couldn't take it anymore. He made yet another unkempt promise to MY CHILD. He had made hundreds to me. All broken (The charm and feigned regret is a powerful thing). But, my child? No frozen (thanks, Fargo) way! I never saw him again. I stopped calling and he never called me (I would call because that's what a good daughter does and I could not have him think I didn't CARE). Now, I know whether I cared, or not, was not a concern of his. He was incapable it. I didn't understand why then, I just knew I had had enough. I was married with a family to protect.
Some years ago, my sister had mentioned that my Dad was a Sociopath. I brushed it off. That was serial killer stuff. Then, for some reason, a few months ago, I decided to do some research. What I got from my research is that the term "sociopath" is not a diagnoses. I also discovered that there is disagreement for what makes a sociopath and a psychopath. A psychopath isn't necessarily a violent sociopath which some lead one to believe. Anti-Social Personality Disorder covers both terms.
Anyway, my father demonstrated EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE CRITERIA. I lived up to my moniker (Dazed and Confused) for about three days. I was reflecting on my upbringing and my experiences, and my overwhelmed mind was swimming with memories that suddenly began to make sense. Yes! It actually made SENSE!
All those years, DECADES, I tried to understand this immense and powerful force in my life, now I did and do. It's a very sad relief, but at least I have clarity now to know that it wasn't me EVER. As a kid, I would ask myself why he hated me so much? I was a good, responsible kid.
As an adult, I tend to have a sarcastic and just a bit dark view of the world. I'm a nice person, but I tend to see things differently than most people I encounter. I'm not good a chit-chat and have only a few friends. It's hard for me to relate to other people because I feel like, at time, I'm from another universe.
Anyway, I'm rambling. If you know a family member that has ASPD, STAY AWAY! They cannot be therapied out of it. Their goal is to always get what they want regardless of who is hurt. They don't understand hurt or emotion. Human beings are objects to be used for their gratification. This includes their children.
Just stay away.
