The movie, We need to talk about Kevin

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by newstart, Feb 17, 2020.

  1. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    I got to watch the movie 'We need to talk about Kevin' the other night about a boy that is a psychopath. The movie is very intense and I thought factual after all I have read and studied about psychopathy. Of course, I cried my eyes out because I could relate so much of what Kevin's mother went through. I had never seen my daughter torture small animals or kill anyone like Kevin did but she did a lot of what he did. I think if I ever saw her purposely harm/kill an innocent annimal I would walk away and never see or talk with her again. I would move so far away she would never find me.
    The way Kevin talks to his mother and plays the father against the mother and says very ugly things is what I went through. The manipulation, the dirty looks, lies, the other mothers treating me like crap and telling me off because of her behavior is what I went through.. It was horrible, like a nightmare that would not end. I thought the directors of the movie did an outstanding job showing what it is like to live with a disordered child. I actually had night mares after watching this show and felt so lucky that my daughter lives in her own home and that I have the strength to not tolerate the abuse like I did years ago. I was actally missing my daughter and wanting to get together with her and then I watched the movie and the longing went away as I remember how horrid it was to be on the receiving end of her abuse. If you are having a hard time missing your fowl mouthed abusive child, watch the movie it helps put things into the right perspective.
     
  2. JMom

    JMom Active Member

    Newstart,

    I am sorry that you went through all of this. Kids can be so hurtful. I am happy that you have created boundaries and moved on. You can always set the new boundaries if you want to reach out. A very neutral place...like SKYPE. You get to hang up if things go South and are still in a safe, controlled environment. Just a thought. I'm sure the longing for your child can be quite overwhelming, I missed my "real" son for so long. Someone had hijacked him (meth). I finally got him back, but it took a sh!t ton of tough love. I couldn't hardly bare it. Hugs to you. Breathe in, breathe out!
     
  3. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    thank you for sharing. We do need reminders as to why we had to set our boundaries in the first place. We wait for signs our Difficult Child is improving, getting the help they need and embracing the challenges of mental illness, addiction, or whatever the issue is, usually both.

    My Difficult Child daughter grooms me and I finally recognize it for what it is.

    thank you again for sharing. In healing
     
  4. Beta

    Beta Active Member

    Oh wow, NewStart. I saw that movie some years ago and never forgot it. I think I even read the book before or after. It was a hard movie to watch, and to think that you lived through a great deal of that sociopathic behavior is just so hard to think about. I'm so sorry for what you went through. As a caring mom, that had to have been hell to live through. I'm glad you have set boundaries and continue to protect yourself.
     
  5. louise2350

    louise2350 Member

    I also saw that movie a while ago. It was very disturbing.
     
  6. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Thank you Jmom, blindsided,Beta and Louise 2350 for your support. I think the directors of the movie actually experienced a psychopath, how else were they able to hit it point on with the behaviors and evil that comes out of a disordered person. I read the reviews and so many people blammed the mother. She may have been a bit aloof but she was trying. Sometimes there is just no good chemistry between two people no matter how hard they try. I think Kevin was so unreachable and gave back nothing, that is why his mother was distant.

    The statistics of who is a psychopath is all over the place. I heard one in one hundred people. I do know that if you know someone that leaves a trail of destruction chances are they have psychopathic tendencies. There is a book called Almost a psychopath' I have not read it yet but sounds interesting. I figure out that my daughter is NOT a full psychopath but acts psychopathic only while manic. My daughter is doing a bit better. (knock on wood of course).
     
  7. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    This movie/book is not true. I looked it up because I never heard of it. It was written as a psychological thriller which means SCARY fiction.

    I did read that this is not a really well written or true look at antisocial personality disorder. I don't know if that's true, but it is probably a good idea not to let a fictional story scare you about your very real child.

    I was going to order it, but it was not rated that well. I decided not to scare myself.

    Please try to take this with a grain of salt.

    Hugs, love and prayers.
     
  8. Acacia

    Acacia Active Member

    I saw the film years ago. It was unsettling and difficult to watch because I do think it captured well many aspects of sociopathy.

    I guess I was afraid that it might remind me of my son, but although my son can be manipulative and difficult, I did not see a reflection of my son in the character, so that was a relief.
     
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  9. MissLulu

    MissLulu Active Member

    I read the book years ago, when it first came out and saw the movie too. Lionel Shriver (the book's author) is well known for her brilliant writing and thorough research. I felt the book captured the truth of what it might be like to live with a psychopath/sociopath. (I can't remember which diagnosis the main character would fit.) I read it when my difficult child was still a child - long before his real problems showed themselves. I'm not sure I could reread it now, because I fear seeing traits in "Kevin" that remind me of my son. I have enough fear and worry in my life already I think!