The mystery..it's not good
- Thread starter mof
- Start date
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
From my daughter who was an addict for six years: "NEVER trust an addict's words. They lie. All.the.time."
Most especially they very deliberately let you believe that they are less messed up with drugs than they are and we believe them because we want to.
Most especially they very deliberately let you believe that they are less messed up with drugs than they are and we believe them because we want to.
Oh I can so relate to this. My son went to rehab, sober living came home after 11 months built up $6K in his savings account and now he is down to $15. My son was also just promoted in his job. Sigh I know but dont want to know. I have seen some things I saw cash withdraws of $2K in one day at a casino. I saw where he bought a girlfriend he had been dating for two weeks $600 earrings. I have seen where he spent $500 on clothes. Even with the crazy spending I have seen it doesnt seem to add up to the amount of money he goes through. I also relate to willingness to give money away. My son easily works 50-60 hours a week but is only paid for 40 and then they give him a little off of the clock but I dont think he is really being paid for what he works. In some ways I want the missing money to just be him being bad with money but I am not naive. My son overdosed on Heroin and almost died two years ago. Sigh i think the day is getting closer and closer to where I will know with certaintly.
mof
Momdidntsignupforthis
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
When I was young into middle age I had a fear of success. It seems when I attained anything I would get anxious and almost want to undue it.
There must be something similar that happens in recovery, where the reality of it hits you and with it ambivalence. Do I want to stay clean? Do I want all of this responsibility? Can I do this? Do I want to?
Or is it the opposite, overconfidence. If I can do this so well...I can control the drugs. Just one time. Or this drug, not that one.
You know what they say about relapse being part of recovery. I know that is not reassuring...but what more can you do? He has to do it.
mommabear34
New Member
Yeah I agree because that's pretty much exactly my brother's attitude about everything else... he can handle it... he knows it all...better than everyone else... and he does not need help... when clearly he does need help and obviously we all can learn from someone else from time to time no matter how old we get... part of the immature brain as well I suppose...
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
If severe brain development lasted until 30 most men would not be functional, thriving and supporting themselves by then. I have a son who is 40 and still thinks like a little boy. That's his fault. He rejected all sane, mature help
I think it is them not brain size. I think it is is self indulgence, personality disorders, selfishness, laziness or serious disabilities. Those with serious disabilities may be very kind..l don't put them in the same category as totally me centric able adults nearing 30.
We'd have a mess if most men truly did not grow up until 30. With the same brain size, most 30 year olds are not taking drugs, being unable to live without us, acting like defiant children and falling apart over normal demands. In fact, most have full time jobs and are self sustaining, many have families, many spent time in the military and/or college and many care a great deal about others beyond themselves, including our well being. They worry about us we get older, like we worry or worried about our older parents. But they only think of themselves usually, and that's not brain size. Many teens and younger with less developed brains care about others besides themselves. Sorry, the adult kids here think about us mostly in context as to how we can serve them. And everyone else. Like my son, they are selfish, especially toward those who love them the most, even BLAMING us for their problems.
Brain size? I think it's a more intensive problem...who they are.
Let's face the sad fact. Many of our kids lack normal empathy. Mine does. Brain growth doesn't change lack of empathy. Some time drugs cause the void of empathy. Some never had empathy before drugs. Some don't take drugs and lack empathy, like mine.
If they dont care what their scary behavior does to their own mothers, fathers and siblings...where is the empathy? Sad, sad, sad.
I think it is them not brain size. I think it is is self indulgence, personality disorders, selfishness, laziness or serious disabilities. Those with serious disabilities may be very kind..l don't put them in the same category as totally me centric able adults nearing 30.
We'd have a mess if most men truly did not grow up until 30. With the same brain size, most 30 year olds are not taking drugs, being unable to live without us, acting like defiant children and falling apart over normal demands. In fact, most have full time jobs and are self sustaining, many have families, many spent time in the military and/or college and many care a great deal about others beyond themselves, including our well being. They worry about us we get older, like we worry or worried about our older parents. But they only think of themselves usually, and that's not brain size. Many teens and younger with less developed brains care about others besides themselves. Sorry, the adult kids here think about us mostly in context as to how we can serve them. And everyone else. Like my son, they are selfish, especially toward those who love them the most, even BLAMING us for their problems.
Brain size? I think it's a more intensive problem...who they are.
Let's face the sad fact. Many of our kids lack normal empathy. Mine does. Brain growth doesn't change lack of empathy. Some time drugs cause the void of empathy. Some never had empathy before drugs. Some don't take drugs and lack empathy, like mine.
If they dont care what their scary behavior does to their own mothers, fathers and siblings...where is the empathy? Sad, sad, sad.
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
RN, but many people try to seriously claim that.
RN, your husband takes responsible care of his family
RN, your husband takes responsible care of his family
mommabear34
New Member
I agree... when I say immature I mean it by personality only... I don't even recognize him anymore.... and I named my son after him... because we used to be really close and he USED to be competent and make mature, rational decisions... now he thinks only of himself and it's heartbreaking... there is a large age gap between us and I raised him by myself for part of his life... maybe that's part of the reason that I'm having so much difficulty with it... even though he is my brother I had a hand in raising him too... and he WAS empathetic before he decided to start using...
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
You tend not to recognize your kid with a brain on drugs...the good part of that is they quit they can become who they used to be again.
mommabear34
New Member
God I hope so... but he's still saying that he's not using when he clearly is... so all I can do is pray that my mom keeps her promise and stops paying his rent...
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
They are not honest when they use. My daughter used to cry when we questioned her. "You don't trust me!"
GUESS WHAT? .SHE WAS RIGHT.
GUESS WHAT? .SHE WAS RIGHT.
mommabear34
New Member
Yeah my brother does that too... complains that nobody trusts him and everyone walks on eggshells around him... like Jesus... I wonder why?! What really gets me is that he watched my older brother go through the exact same thing all the way to his death but he still CHOSE to pick up the drugs... and that's what I will never understand
