T
toughlovin
Guest
Well I have been feeling uneasy lately because my difficult child seems to not be following the rules we have set up but not super obviously. I was feeling if he wasn't following some of the smaller ones he probably was not following the ones we had set up around car use. Howevery I was hesitant to just take car use away and was kind of waitinng to see what happened. But it made me feel very uneasy.
I had no real evidence of drug or alcohol use with the car. He always seemed sober when he came home etc.
So tonight he asks if a friend can come home with him. Same friend as last week when i found the pot. I said yes but no drugs in the house. He said, sounding very sincere, yeah I get that.
So quite a while later we get the call. He is having a problem with the police and they don't feel comfortable with him driving home. Uh Oh. I felt so calm almost numbed. At this point we are way too used to going and fetching him from the police....most parents would be very upset but I just can't be any more. It is like par for the course with him.
So we get to where they are. Not at the police station but in a parking lot. The cop comes over and talks to us. They stopped him because he was speeding, 66 in a 30 mile hour zone. Yikes. They smell pot in the car and there is all kinds of paraphernalia. So that gives them the right to search. They start to search and ask him if there is anything they will find. He says no... but then as they are searching he tells them they will find alcohol. Good thing because they would have found it anyways. So there is some beer. He is 18 so that is illegal. The alcohol was not open, they told the cops they were bringing it to our house to drink. Ahem.... no that is not allowed!!!!!
So they did not feel comfortable with him driving because although he told them he smoked 2 hours before they did not believe it was that long ago and the car smells like pot.
So he is NOT being charged with driving under the influence. He was not directly arrested. He is being summonsed for the speeding (they are only saying 40 in a 30 mile hour zone which is a break right there) and for being in possession of alcohol in the car. This is a police dept where he already has two other charges pending. They already know him. They are giving him a break.... partly because he has since gotten a job and seems to be trying to get on track.
But he has blown it big time once again. Sigh.
I have not said much to him. I did ask if he had anything he wanted to say to us. He said no except to acknowledge that I broke every rule around the car. Well that is a good thing. My husband drove him home and asked his work schedule next week and my difficult child is that so you can figure out about driving me to work?
So at least he knows he is not going to be able to use the car. I suspect he is pretty upset with himself. But he is probably upset he got caught and is mad that he was speeding.... I doubt he is really looking at how he keeps screwing up.
I just wish he would learn to follow rules....our rules, societies rules.
So we haven't said much. I am realizing the less talking I do the better. LOL. It is better when he realizes things for himself..
My husband and I are talking about the car use. Ideally we would just not let him use it at all.... BUT he now has a job. I really don't want to do anything to screw that up because that is the one thing he has done to get on the right track. And us driving him to and from work is really painful. It is the opposite direction from where we work and his hours are odd.
So one thought is to get one of these car tracking things that shows where the car is going, how fast you are going. And that we allow him to use the car to drive to and from work but no where else. Have any of you ever used one of these things or have one?
I so want to ask him so you still don't think your drug use is a problem??? I am going to keep my mouth shut, I am going to keep my mouth shut, I am going to keep my mouth shut!!!!!
I had no real evidence of drug or alcohol use with the car. He always seemed sober when he came home etc.
So tonight he asks if a friend can come home with him. Same friend as last week when i found the pot. I said yes but no drugs in the house. He said, sounding very sincere, yeah I get that.
So quite a while later we get the call. He is having a problem with the police and they don't feel comfortable with him driving home. Uh Oh. I felt so calm almost numbed. At this point we are way too used to going and fetching him from the police....most parents would be very upset but I just can't be any more. It is like par for the course with him.
So we get to where they are. Not at the police station but in a parking lot. The cop comes over and talks to us. They stopped him because he was speeding, 66 in a 30 mile hour zone. Yikes. They smell pot in the car and there is all kinds of paraphernalia. So that gives them the right to search. They start to search and ask him if there is anything they will find. He says no... but then as they are searching he tells them they will find alcohol. Good thing because they would have found it anyways. So there is some beer. He is 18 so that is illegal. The alcohol was not open, they told the cops they were bringing it to our house to drink. Ahem.... no that is not allowed!!!!!
So they did not feel comfortable with him driving because although he told them he smoked 2 hours before they did not believe it was that long ago and the car smells like pot.
So he is NOT being charged with driving under the influence. He was not directly arrested. He is being summonsed for the speeding (they are only saying 40 in a 30 mile hour zone which is a break right there) and for being in possession of alcohol in the car. This is a police dept where he already has two other charges pending. They already know him. They are giving him a break.... partly because he has since gotten a job and seems to be trying to get on track.
But he has blown it big time once again. Sigh.
I have not said much to him. I did ask if he had anything he wanted to say to us. He said no except to acknowledge that I broke every rule around the car. Well that is a good thing. My husband drove him home and asked his work schedule next week and my difficult child is that so you can figure out about driving me to work?
So at least he knows he is not going to be able to use the car. I suspect he is pretty upset with himself. But he is probably upset he got caught and is mad that he was speeding.... I doubt he is really looking at how he keeps screwing up.
I just wish he would learn to follow rules....our rules, societies rules.
So we haven't said much. I am realizing the less talking I do the better. LOL. It is better when he realizes things for himself..
My husband and I are talking about the car use. Ideally we would just not let him use it at all.... BUT he now has a job. I really don't want to do anything to screw that up because that is the one thing he has done to get on the right track. And us driving him to and from work is really painful. It is the opposite direction from where we work and his hours are odd.
So one thought is to get one of these car tracking things that shows where the car is going, how fast you are going. And that we allow him to use the car to drive to and from work but no where else. Have any of you ever used one of these things or have one?
I so want to ask him so you still don't think your drug use is a problem??? I am going to keep my mouth shut, I am going to keep my mouth shut, I am going to keep my mouth shut!!!!!
