Thankfully, I did not hear from difficult child yesterday. That is unusual. Usually, after we connect a few times, close together, he starts encroaching with more and more contact. Not this time.
That is good for me.
Having a glimpse into his world was very good for me. I can lean into it more, the very word "homeless" has taken on a new meaning for me, not to say it's all okay now, but I see that world has some purpose, some structure, a community, patterns, that I didn't understand before.
I can see that just surviving---eating, sleeping, using the bathroom, washing clothes, walking from place to place, takes up a lot of time and energy.
I think he sleeps sometimes outside and sometimes in motels for one night, when multiple people pool their money. He said it's cold outside some, even in the midst of summer, so his dad bought him two blankets at Walmart the other night.
I'm sure you don't sleep as well, so you are more tired and then it's hard to get things done.
But, he is choosing this. I made it clear that I would help with a halfway house. No word on taking me up on that offer.
SO said, I just hope being homeless isn't too easy for him. And I think that today, he has settled into that lifestyle, which is clearly easier in summer than in winter.
So we will see. I am okay. I am moving on with things. We had our final premarital counseling session last night. That has been a very good thing for us, and very enjoyable to share dinner each time with our good friend and priest Bill. He is very enjoyable to be around and to talk openly about these types of things with---the very things of a relationship and how to make it work, conflict, decisions, problem solving, kids, money, all of the issues that you deal with in a marriage.
Last night, he proclaimed: Okay, I think you two are well-suited and this is going to work.
Let that be the case. SO and I are eyes-wide-open kind of people about our relationship. As two people who are in recovery, we have the best of that world, between us, respect, and honesty and integrity.
But we are also clear-eyed about our habits and faults, and we are both Type As, take charge, make decisions kind of people.
And polar opposites politically! Lol. Makes for some interesting discussions.
Anyway, I am very grateful for him and I believe he feels the same way. I am a much better person today than I was when I got married in 1979 for the first time. And he is as well.
We are taking SO's daughter to her new apartment in a city 3.5 hours away Thursday and back Friday and getting her moved in.
So there is lots to think about and focus on and I am just grateful for where I am today in my thinking and my attitude about difficult child. Just for today, I can be okay with where things are.
This board is a lifesaver, and I told Bill about it last night and the friends I have here. My recovery continues in large part because of this tool. Thanks all.
