Star*
call 911........call 911
Hi all,
This weekend was a pretty good one. Dude got paid, he paid us back part of the money he owes us. (Imagine DF's shock at getting handed a 100.00 bill) He also took me out shopping and for lunch Saturday. We had a great time and talked about a lot of things. Then Dude got really quiet and said he had something to tell me but it may make me angry. Before I could say "Just tell me." he blurted out that he had spoken with his biofather.
Apparently Dude has kept up with his cousin via Myspace for about a year. The cousin said his "dad" really wanted to talk to him, finally Dude relented and said okay and gave a throw away phone number he could call. What followed after that was just plain sad. Sad because you never really WANT to tell your Mom "YOU WERE RIGHT." You'd rather hear from your father that he's not a drug addict or an alcoholic any longer, that he's working, that he's been putting money back for you for a car or college, that the only part of that conversation would be ALL about you (the kid) and not him or his problems on top of problems.
He proceeded to tell a very different Dude that he's a drug addict and has made a lot of mistakes in his life. He didn't mean to abuse him or his Mother and that was wrong, but it's all water under the bridge now - can they start fresh? Which probably would have been okay and somewhat doable - but then the idiot tells Dude that he's not working. THat jobs are so hard to come by that he's selling pills to make ends meet. The pills he got are from an accident he was in. He got a huge settlement but blew all the money on dope, screwed everyone over and is now FORCED to sell his pain medications and psychiatric. medications to survive. Then asked Dude "Say I could send you $1000, western union but I'd have to take out the fee from the $1000 I sent you." and Dude said "Naw - keep your money."
Then he went on to ask his "father" about things that happened to his Mom, to him, to them - and why stuff like booze, drugs and other women were more important to him than his kid, his wife his family. The answer? Because he's an *******. That was it - he said he had no better answer but felt that about covered it. Dude asked him why he did some of the things he did - and why in all these years he never contacted him or sent a card or anything but one letter and a rusty bicycle in a brand new bike box.
His answer again "Because I'm an *******." and Dude said "That's a description, not an answer." THen "father" tells him that he bought that bike from his cousins. Dude said "Grandma said you got it from a pawn shop." no reply. Then "father" says "I didn't have any money, I wanted you to have something." Dude said "I was told MY racing bike would be sent - what happened to it?" "Father" said "I just got rid of it." as if it didn't matter - the kid slept with that bike and he KNEW how much that bike meant to him because he took a truck that was to be put back for Dude, sold it and used the money for drugs - but managed to hold out 1,000 for the bike - it was a racing bicycle. It was all he got from the sale of HIS truck. Unreal. And when he said "I just got RID of it?" ugh-moron. He also said "well you probably would have had it long ago if your Mother hadn't KEPT you from me." and Dude said "My Mother didn't try to keep me FROM you she tried to KEEP ME SAFE." there was no retort.
Then the "father" asked Dude if he had a vehicle, that the cousin he hated had just bought himself a new vehicle - (only because his dad PAYS his child support to his mom) and wanted to know if DUde wanted the vehicle he had sitting here. Dude asked "Does it have a title or is it stolen like that van you gave my Mom when you took her truck?" and right over his head he said "No it's legal." Then DUde said "Naw - keep your truck." Dude said there was more - WOE is me - talk and talk about women he was with, and drugs he's overdone and how he tried several times to kill himself unsuccessfully (Really unsuccessfully huh? -DUH) and how he did hit me (hit? try nearly killed a few times) and how he probably shouldn't have done that. (Gosh how about trading your kid for crack cocaine?) never mentioned it. Never said I' am so sorry sincerely, just - Well there - I cleansed my soul and now you should do what I say - and take my gifts so that I can think I'm absolved from those crimes. (id' like to drop him in acid and see him DEsolved)
At the end of the conversation - the "father" said he'd really like to see Dude and Dude said to him that he was working and very busy between that and school. He said my x asked if I was still with that guy...and DUde said "MY DAD?" naw - they got married." he said nothing was said for a minute and then -Dude said "Well I gotta go." The "father" said "I sure would love to see you." and Dude said "Yeah well, I have work, and probation and all - so ya know I'm really busy." Then he said he told him "I love you son." and Dude said "Talk to you later sometime." and hung up.
I sat there in a daze. Part of me wanted to just scream at this jerk for taking what could be considered his second chance to make up to his kid and find out about HIS life - and instead he turned it into a cleansing of the soul by telling a troubled kid "LIfe is tough, there are no jobs so I HAVE to sell drugs, and I do drugs, and I'm sorry, and I shouldn't have done what I did (YA FREAKING THINK JACK?" but it's done now - and we need a clean slate?" OMG I was furious but you were there with me saying "Be calm - and listen." so I did = and finally Dude said "You know what Mom? He has had two chances to make up to me what he did - but he never said I am sorry - to me - he was just saying he was sorry about HIMSELF. Then after 13 years he tries to bribe me with less than a $1000; oh I love that Mom - I can't send you a whole $1,000 because of fees - ugh - and a used car that he says is legal but I doubt it." and he thinks that will make EVERYTHING he did okay.
Dude just sat there shaking his head, and I just put my hand on his and said "I think you did very well son." Then, still not done being angry - Dude said "ALL OF IT?? ALL OF WHAT HE DID IS WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE?" OMG is he serious? I kept thinking of all those nights in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and group homes so angry about carp and it's like it never happend to him. YOu were right Mom you were right - EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING YOU told me about him - he confirmed." OMG - what a jerk.
I just smiled.....and told him I thought it went well - and that's about what level of sorry that man could attain. I was sorry that he had a chance to meet with Dude and made it all about himself, and his drug problems, his alcohol and sex addicition problems, how sorry he was that he couldn't find a job after he had been given chance over chance in his field - and how sorry still it was that yes - he had 13 years to save up and do right by his son and did nothing. Then I told Dude that I didn't feel sorry for the man - but I felt proud that Dude handled himself the way he did and told the jerk to keep his pittance and used car.
I never got child support - I told the judge I didn't want the heartache. He'd never supported me in 13 years of marriage, and I was quite used to working 3 jobs to support us. I'd do that if necessary. So he's never sent squat for his own son. He never did squat for him and now all of a sudden he wants to play Daddy? Oh and asked him why he didn't call him Dad? OMG - the nerve. Dude told him he'd call him Dad if he wanted him to, but it didn't feel right.......so they agreed his first name was dooable. Wish the turd had asked me for some suggestions.....
I knew this day would come sooner or later - I even figured there may be a "reunion" but after this phone call it's obvious that all the work we put into Dude and the work he put into himself paid off and he was able to recognize a master manipulator. Dude said he just could NOT get over how he kept going on and on about his problems....Dude told me - I wanted to say "They're all your own doing." but said nothing as he felt it would be wasted words and that everything I had told him about that man was more than true. (what little I did share) and tried to keep it decent.
I'm proud of my kid.
I hope the toad finds a hole and stays in it.
THanks for listening
This weekend was a pretty good one. Dude got paid, he paid us back part of the money he owes us. (Imagine DF's shock at getting handed a 100.00 bill) He also took me out shopping and for lunch Saturday. We had a great time and talked about a lot of things. Then Dude got really quiet and said he had something to tell me but it may make me angry. Before I could say "Just tell me." he blurted out that he had spoken with his biofather.
Apparently Dude has kept up with his cousin via Myspace for about a year. The cousin said his "dad" really wanted to talk to him, finally Dude relented and said okay and gave a throw away phone number he could call. What followed after that was just plain sad. Sad because you never really WANT to tell your Mom "YOU WERE RIGHT." You'd rather hear from your father that he's not a drug addict or an alcoholic any longer, that he's working, that he's been putting money back for you for a car or college, that the only part of that conversation would be ALL about you (the kid) and not him or his problems on top of problems.
He proceeded to tell a very different Dude that he's a drug addict and has made a lot of mistakes in his life. He didn't mean to abuse him or his Mother and that was wrong, but it's all water under the bridge now - can they start fresh? Which probably would have been okay and somewhat doable - but then the idiot tells Dude that he's not working. THat jobs are so hard to come by that he's selling pills to make ends meet. The pills he got are from an accident he was in. He got a huge settlement but blew all the money on dope, screwed everyone over and is now FORCED to sell his pain medications and psychiatric. medications to survive. Then asked Dude "Say I could send you $1000, western union but I'd have to take out the fee from the $1000 I sent you." and Dude said "Naw - keep your money."
Then he went on to ask his "father" about things that happened to his Mom, to him, to them - and why stuff like booze, drugs and other women were more important to him than his kid, his wife his family. The answer? Because he's an *******. That was it - he said he had no better answer but felt that about covered it. Dude asked him why he did some of the things he did - and why in all these years he never contacted him or sent a card or anything but one letter and a rusty bicycle in a brand new bike box.
His answer again "Because I'm an *******." and Dude said "That's a description, not an answer." THen "father" tells him that he bought that bike from his cousins. Dude said "Grandma said you got it from a pawn shop." no reply. Then "father" says "I didn't have any money, I wanted you to have something." Dude said "I was told MY racing bike would be sent - what happened to it?" "Father" said "I just got rid of it." as if it didn't matter - the kid slept with that bike and he KNEW how much that bike meant to him because he took a truck that was to be put back for Dude, sold it and used the money for drugs - but managed to hold out 1,000 for the bike - it was a racing bicycle. It was all he got from the sale of HIS truck. Unreal. And when he said "I just got RID of it?" ugh-moron. He also said "well you probably would have had it long ago if your Mother hadn't KEPT you from me." and Dude said "My Mother didn't try to keep me FROM you she tried to KEEP ME SAFE." there was no retort.
Then the "father" asked Dude if he had a vehicle, that the cousin he hated had just bought himself a new vehicle - (only because his dad PAYS his child support to his mom) and wanted to know if DUde wanted the vehicle he had sitting here. Dude asked "Does it have a title or is it stolen like that van you gave my Mom when you took her truck?" and right over his head he said "No it's legal." Then DUde said "Naw - keep your truck." Dude said there was more - WOE is me - talk and talk about women he was with, and drugs he's overdone and how he tried several times to kill himself unsuccessfully (Really unsuccessfully huh? -DUH) and how he did hit me (hit? try nearly killed a few times) and how he probably shouldn't have done that. (Gosh how about trading your kid for crack cocaine?) never mentioned it. Never said I' am so sorry sincerely, just - Well there - I cleansed my soul and now you should do what I say - and take my gifts so that I can think I'm absolved from those crimes. (id' like to drop him in acid and see him DEsolved)
At the end of the conversation - the "father" said he'd really like to see Dude and Dude said to him that he was working and very busy between that and school. He said my x asked if I was still with that guy...and DUde said "MY DAD?" naw - they got married." he said nothing was said for a minute and then -Dude said "Well I gotta go." The "father" said "I sure would love to see you." and Dude said "Yeah well, I have work, and probation and all - so ya know I'm really busy." Then he said he told him "I love you son." and Dude said "Talk to you later sometime." and hung up.
I sat there in a daze. Part of me wanted to just scream at this jerk for taking what could be considered his second chance to make up to his kid and find out about HIS life - and instead he turned it into a cleansing of the soul by telling a troubled kid "LIfe is tough, there are no jobs so I HAVE to sell drugs, and I do drugs, and I'm sorry, and I shouldn't have done what I did (YA FREAKING THINK JACK?" but it's done now - and we need a clean slate?" OMG I was furious but you were there with me saying "Be calm - and listen." so I did = and finally Dude said "You know what Mom? He has had two chances to make up to me what he did - but he never said I am sorry - to me - he was just saying he was sorry about HIMSELF. Then after 13 years he tries to bribe me with less than a $1000; oh I love that Mom - I can't send you a whole $1,000 because of fees - ugh - and a used car that he says is legal but I doubt it." and he thinks that will make EVERYTHING he did okay.
Dude just sat there shaking his head, and I just put my hand on his and said "I think you did very well son." Then, still not done being angry - Dude said "ALL OF IT?? ALL OF WHAT HE DID IS WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE?" OMG is he serious? I kept thinking of all those nights in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and group homes so angry about carp and it's like it never happend to him. YOu were right Mom you were right - EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING YOU told me about him - he confirmed." OMG - what a jerk.
I just smiled.....and told him I thought it went well - and that's about what level of sorry that man could attain. I was sorry that he had a chance to meet with Dude and made it all about himself, and his drug problems, his alcohol and sex addicition problems, how sorry he was that he couldn't find a job after he had been given chance over chance in his field - and how sorry still it was that yes - he had 13 years to save up and do right by his son and did nothing. Then I told Dude that I didn't feel sorry for the man - but I felt proud that Dude handled himself the way he did and told the jerk to keep his pittance and used car.
I never got child support - I told the judge I didn't want the heartache. He'd never supported me in 13 years of marriage, and I was quite used to working 3 jobs to support us. I'd do that if necessary. So he's never sent squat for his own son. He never did squat for him and now all of a sudden he wants to play Daddy? Oh and asked him why he didn't call him Dad? OMG - the nerve. Dude told him he'd call him Dad if he wanted him to, but it didn't feel right.......so they agreed his first name was dooable. Wish the turd had asked me for some suggestions.....
I knew this day would come sooner or later - I even figured there may be a "reunion" but after this phone call it's obvious that all the work we put into Dude and the work he put into himself paid off and he was able to recognize a master manipulator. Dude said he just could NOT get over how he kept going on and on about his problems....Dude told me - I wanted to say "They're all your own doing." but said nothing as he felt it would be wasted words and that everything I had told him about that man was more than true. (what little I did share) and tried to keep it decent.
I'm proud of my kid.
I hope the toad finds a hole and stays in it.
THanks for listening
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Bravo to dude. On some level it has to be painful but he came up with his own defense against the hurt by pointing out the obvious. 
