they took my son away

[BusynMember]

I know how bad the system is and how a social worker, who often has little knowledge of disorders, can get kids removed from homes. It's appalling. I always advise parents here NOT to get social services involved with our difficult child kids. From my experience, they can be dangerous and, since CPS is a government branch too, it's hard to get a Court to disagree with them. I've seen the nightmares when I did foster care, and we got out. I do think your best hope, although no guarantee (I wish I could say it was) is a very good lawyer, experienced with these problems. However, aside from that, we have learned that the best and sometimes ONLY way to deal with them is to do what they tell us, even if it's bizarre and we feel wronged. ((((Hugs)))) Give us frequent updates and start checking around for the best lawyer you can find. If you can't afford one, you will have to apply to legal aid, but do it.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I wish I had words of advice or wisdom for you.

Best I can do is offer words of comfort, and a shoulder to lean on. May God wrap you in his loving arms during this turbulent time in your life. May the best thing for difficult child take place.

 

[ALogan3]

I am so sorry. :sad:

I know the shock and disbelief and fear.

I know it makes no sense to take our kids from loving parents to set them up to fail.

The only advice I know is get a GOOD attorney. And work with CPS. Whatever whenever they want you to do, DO IT. Or you will wind up on the abuse registry forever!

What they did to me is on a current thread Your Assistance is Requested.

There is an organization : http://www.cpswatch.org , but they really can't help.

I tried to educate the court and the Judges, which is not a bad thing to try to do. I had 7 years of documentation of all kinds and the courts completly ignored it. CPS too. And they told me I was his problem, despite the fact the kid was considered Federally Disabled.

My prayers and Hugs are with you. My heart goes out to you,
Andrea

 

[BusynMember]

Yep. I know a parent who had a bipolar kid. He was blatantly psychotic. She lost her kid because a clueless social worker from CPS checking out an allegation decided SHE was the problem, although she had done everything for her child. They decided he had been sexually abused, although they had absolutely no proof. It was "the way he reacted with our psycologist." Duh. He didn't play normally with toys. Last I heard, she still didn't have her kid. I always cringe when people invite social services into their lives. While it can help at times, in my opinion, the risks are too great and simply not worth it. The courts tend to side with the social workers no matter what. My best advice remains: Do what they want WITHOUT showing them an attitude or they could get a personal vendetta against you. Some of these social workers are egotistical and not very well educated on these children. Like the rest of the world, they blame us. If you can (this is to others) in my opinion don't involve social services in your kid's life. in my opinion they inspect every little thing you do and tend to twist it to the negative. They will lie about you and, yes, your name can be on an abuse registry forever. I know in Illinois, even if your next door neighbor is mad at you for not cutting the lawn and calls CPS and it's unfounded, that report on you is NOT erased anymore. It's there forever. They claim it's for your protection so that "nobody can keep harassing you" but I never bought that. If I'm innocent, I want it off my record.

 

[klmno]

They haven't mentioned anything aboout CPS- and if anyone has accused me of abusing me, they haven't told me. The GAL insinuated "neglect" becausse I didn't have him in therapy after May of last year. Never mind that I spent mos before that begging for therapuetic help and going to several counselors, etc. Never mind that he has had continuous psychiatrist care. Never mind that i've sat here for the past 2 mos trying to get him an inpatatient evaluation. I was neglectful?? oh, and he was abusing the uinternet and not sleeping on a regular schedule.
The woman's card just says Social Services, Sr. Family Assessment Specialist, Intake and Stabilization Unit. Is this CPS?
I just called the sd to check on status of appeal. They told me good news about the appeal, then said they knew he had GAL and were under the impression that they would be communicating with her (instead of me) in the future. If my parental rights had already been terminated shouldn't I have beeen told?

The GAL had insinuated that I hadn't been copperative with sd in the past- well, i had appealed their decisions- which they ended up agreeing to remove the "habitual offender" label, which is why he was put on long-term suspension. Just found this out!! so, does GAL (who's an attny) really believe I would have been a better parent if I hadn't appealed that? I'm not agreeing to day school proposed by sd either unless a re-evaluation produces recommendations for it from the docs. GAL brought that up in court too- like I was not accepting help the sd was trying to offer. (by the way- the judge is an X-school teaacher)

I keep thinking there has to be more to this. None of this seems reason enough to remove a difficult child from home. Do you guys think I am just in denial here? Why would GAL have it out for me or think this is in his best interest?

Sorry for the book-

 

[hearts and roses]

I have no experience with this, but I can feel your pain at losing your difficult child. Take the advice of others and get yourself a good attorney with this kind of experience.

Many many hugs to you~

 

[wakeupcall]

There's no doubt the hurt in your thread. I hurt for you!! Be strong, keep fighting and remember.....YOU are who/what is best for your difficult child!!

 

[ALogan3]

Yes, Social Services is CPS.

Once the Court steps in your rights are gone, the sd will work with the Court, not you. It like instantly takes you out of the picture. (At least this is what happened to me).

Nothing makes sense and nothing is fair. The system is so uneducated about difficult child's they think they know it all and in fact they know nothing.

Get a good attorney!! I had a great attorney. And no matter what that attorney says, work with CPS~(Social Services) My atty told me NOT to talk to CPS and thats what put me on the abuse registry~~rolleyes.

It was my sd that initiated the entire CPS issue with me, because I stepped on alot of toes getting help for my difficult child. Your fighting the school might have initiated this. Take a step back and think. Think who was upset with the appeal. Schools have alot of power.

HUGS,
Andrea

 

[klmno]

social services wanted me to sign release forms for all previous therapy, hospitilization, school records. CHINS (child in need of services) was brought up in court yesterday by GAL. I had thought chins meant outside help for difficult child living at home. but after they handed me release forms to sign, it looked more like they are letting me believe there's a little hope he'll come home if I cooperate, but as soon as I sign all releases, then they'll keep him. does it look that way to you guys? i brought the release form home- did not sign it. I told her I thought I should speak with an attny. She said she thought that might be a good idea. GAL had acted like we were all a team until she got all info she wanted from me. She also had lied about not getting my voice mail on friday- this was clear because when we went to court she said she had put in requests for several things that morning- which means she would have had to do it prior to coming to my house at 12:30.

just got off phone with psychiatrist to bring him up to date and tell him GAL plans to subpenoe (sp) him and that she's unhappy becuase he didn't return her call quickly. he told me that he never rec'd a message from her. also, said there was nothing in his office to indicate that i had been a bad parent or that i had not wanted help for difficult child. (We had also seen therapist there and testing was done by psychiatric there).

 

[DDD]

As a former GAL I am sending hugs your way. Each community and
each GAL is different so I have no "wise" input. Here are a couple of suggestions that may help. I agree that you need to call and see what "pro bono" attorneys may be available to help you deal with this system. (there are no charges for those services) I strongly encourage you to buy a spiral notebook and
make daily notes....be sure to list every single person you have
contacted by name/phone number/department and a recap of the telephone conversation. Spend your free time and nervous energy
getting your home sp ic and span. Even clean clutter indicates
a lack of self-discipline in the eyes of those who are assessing
your lifestyle. Do NOT allow yourself to say anything negative
to neighbors or family members that can come back and bite you in
the behind. It is in your best interests, and the best interests
of your son, to give the appearance of full respect for all those
who are involved. (YES..I know that sounds hypocritical but I
have seen many many times when a "friend" or "confident" pops up
in Court saying "well, she told me that the system x'd".) It would be helpful to find a parenting class that you could take
through an agency not involved with your son. It would be helpful to find a famiy support group to attend.

I am truly sorry you are being traumatized and I understand the depth of your concern for your son. Just keep thinking how you
can show that you are the best provider for him and kill the
system with your independent steps to improve yourself. It can't
hurt a darn thing and it "may" cause the Judge to stop and think
"Wow, this Mom has done alot all on her own!" Hugs. DDD

 

[ALogan3]

GOOD JOB!!! Do not sign the form for CHINS until you talk to an attorney. The release forms you should sign ASAP~to be cooperative.

Yes, they will lie to you until they get what they want. And that is why my attorney told me NOT to talk to them. But when they arrested me I had an attorney within 12 hours.

A word of caution!~~The psychiatrist did not support me in court. Even though I hired him and kept him for y e a r s. When it came down to the wire he bowed to the court. I have no clue why.

TRUST NO ONE!!

Listen to DDD. She is your closest link to what is occuring with your difficult child right now.

HUGS,
Andrea

 

[JJJ]

Ask for your psychiatrist to write a letter stating that you have kept your son in regular treatment with him starting on X date; include that you have followed all directives from psychiatrist; that you are actively involved in the medical treatment of your mentally ill son. He should also include that your son's behavior is a result of his illness not of poor parenting.

God speed,

 

[Steely]

Just want you to know that I am thinking of you, and if I think of anything useful to help you, I will post it immediately. I do not have any experience with the system, so I have not much to offer except support. You sound so much like me that it breaks my heart. Being a single mom to these kids is so enormously diffcult - and I certainly have picked my battles with my difficult child as well over the years. If he was up all night, manic, and online - there was/is nothing short of a SWAT team that was going to get him off of the internet. I needed my sleep to deal with him, so I would just shut the door and try to be in temporary denial until the morning and I could better cope with him. As far as therapy, the truth of the matter, that often it does not even work for our difficult children. At age 16 we have just started it again, after taking a 2 year break. Again, there was nothing short of a court order that was going to make him talk to someone when he was mentally not stable. Now that he is stable again, we are starting it again.

All this to say, that I am SO sorry! You are a good parent, and you are going to have to go on a massive campaign to prove to the court this exact thing. I know how hard it is to be condemned because you want what is best for your kid, i.e. not a day school or whatever the SD may think is best. The SD has their own narrow bubble perspective of your son....how do they know what is best??? But I guess at this point, do what they want until you can get them out of your hair.

Again, I will be thinking about you, and I will post if I can think of anything truly helpful.

 

[JJJ]

Another idea...remove the computer (or at least internet access) from your house. Since the GAL seems fixated on that, eliminate it.

 

[exhaustedmumof2]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don't know what part of virginia you are in but the county i'm in has what is also called a CASA worker. they are similiar to CPS but they are an outside person that might be able to help you. CASA has to be ordered by the judge. You also really need to get a attorney that can help you with this mess.

 

[BusynMember]

Another idea is to humble yourself and tell them, in a calm way, that you see they have good ideas and would they please help you? We found that they love compliance and they consider any negatives from you or even defending yourself as "being in denial" and "not cooperating." Although the allegations they are making are clearly bizarre, act as if you think they are valid and ask if your son can stay at home if you work very closely with them and do what they say to improve the situation. When you need to vent do it to your spouse or mother or somebody you trust completely. Drop the attitude, at least around them. THEY will have an attitude, and you have to eat it because THEY have the power. I agree that even attorneys can't always help. We had one the one time we got into social services trouble from a foster child. We were very lucky because the kid himself confessed to a crime that they would have hung on us, but, even after he did, we had to watch what we said/did. We also had to go for the most clueless, ignorant parenting classes on earth, but we had to pretend we thought they would help us. We had to kiss up to a social worker who'd never had a child and was young enough to be our daughter. As soon as we could gracefully untangle ourselves from social services we did, then we moved to another state and never got involved in foster care or adoption again. Foster parents are likely to be turned into CPS at least once a year, and some foster parents end up losing their children too. We felt we meant to do good, but it was too risky. The system is horrible. I feel so bad for you.

 

[DDD]

FYI, CASA and GAL are similar if not identical programs. I dealt
with CASA in Michigan when I had a dual State case. DDD

 

[Sunlight]

I hope this works out for the best. I think a lot of kids abuse the computers and lie on them. not a big deal if you are aware and stop it.

I know one time ant had a court ordered psychiatric evaluation done by their own psychiatrist. it took an hour or so and I waited outside the room. he was in 9th grade.

the psychiatrist came out and spoke a minute to me after. I told him I was so upset about the exp and hoped things would get better, it was my first time in the court system and I was nervous.

he filed his report. I got a lawyer for ant. the lawyer got me a copy of the report. at the bottom the doctor had written that I was an anxious overprotective mother parent who thought her son did no wrong. AHHHH!!

welll DUH you people had ceom to my home while I was working and taken my son off in a caged car. My older son who was 18 at the time called me at work and told me people were taking ant away. It was all because he had made a verbal threat to a teacher.

long story short the case was thrown out as the teacher himself had said it was only smart mouthing. the vice principal had called the cops. of course I was anxious!

 

[JJJ]

I was a CASA/GAL on a case that involved multiple children. I came into the case about 1 year into their involvement with CPS. When I met with the caseworker to get up to speed on her version of events, she told me that the children's aunt had at first appeared to be qualified to take them was not approved because she had crumbs on her kitchen floor at 1:00pm. The caseworker thought that was plenty of time after she fed lunch to her two preschoolers that the kitchen should have been spotless. The caseworker was an only child and had no children of her own. She had no idea about how to be a parent.

This is why I continue to toy with the idea of going into casework once my children are grown.

 

[DammitJanet]

Good lord! If they took every child away from parents who had crumbs on the floor then there would be no kids left with their bio parents and the foster system would be so overwhelmed it would shut down.

Im sorry you are going through this. I dont have many ideas for you. Most of my experiences with CPS social workers havent been good. They are not trained in behavior disorders at all. I worked for Social Services and the ones I knew had no clue. They understood abuse and neglect but disorders were completely outside their understanding. I did my best to educate them but it fell on deaf ears.