To Disown or Not to Disown

[Hound dog]

Hmmm. I don't know if Travelor's Aide has trucks or not. But I do know they do the bus tickets. It' possible, wouldn't hurt to call and find out. Another option for your vision issues is to contact your local Lion's Club, they pay for eye exams and glasses for people in need. At least you'd be able to see again.......and as we both know that can be an awesome thing all by itself. With the edometriosis and ovarian cysts........you're on disability, you should be able to have the surgery and have no issues having both a home health aide (nurses aide) and nurse visit you at home. Typical hospital stay for a total hysterectomy is about 3 days depending how well you do. SSI should cover a week or so of home health visits. They did 2 wks for my mother in law when she had her cataracts removed. Would be worth it if you could get rid of that horrid pain ect. Although I do understand your reservations with the home environment the way it currently is.

I can only speak for myself as far as using the church services that are available. I'm a spiritual person, very. I don't do organized religion. I had a religious fanatic mother who destroyed that ever happening before my 12th birthday. Yet I have no issues using such services and don't see it as hypocrisy. Charity for those in need is a huge philosophy in organized religion....big part of it. There is nothing wrong with that, it is one of the best things about organized religions. But if only those who were devoutly religious accepted such services.........well, in all honesty........they wouldn't have very many people to be charitable to. For those who do these charities you make them happy to be able to help you. It teaches them humility, kindness, and giving. Because to be frank anyone can find themselves in the same sort of mess at any point in their lives. It reminds them of that. So while I may have a twisted sort of logic.......and I know I do because I also live by my own moral code which happens to be much stricter than most people's.........I can't see it as hypocrisy. And frankly.........these are also people in the "know" when it comes to other organizations and services you may be able to use. So while I can understand you don't want to be a hypocrite (and I really do understand it because I felt the same way for many years) you may be cutting yourself off from services you need and can use.

Still thinking on this.........

Hugs

 

[surrounded-by-crazies]

To amaze of grace: Yes she did graduate. One noted miracle.

To Dammit Janet: I believe everybody has section 8. Here's a link to ours: http://www.hacanet.org & you can see on the list "currently, the housing choice voucher (section 8) waitlist is closed & the program is not accepting applications. The waitlist is not expected to open for several years."

I didn't say all housing was junk. I said about all housing authority & HUD apts are dumps. AKA...the projects. I got pics of the last one I lived in. Not just of my apartment either. I complained about the living conditions & noise level & they kicked me out for complaining too much. So my digital camera & I went door to door & told people my story...they were more then happy to let me take pics of their dumps too plus sign my petition. We had ceilings caving in. We had all kinds of mold...& the health dept. told people to spray bleach water on it. In one building we had several children with asthma & at least one gal went to the hospital with pneumonia cuz of the mold. Did you know mold can kill you?

I came here with a housing voucher for one of the nicer places. I know with a voucher you can get any kind of housing there is including Tax Credit Properties. I used to work in one (leasing agent). But my voucher expired & I can't get another one here cuz as their site says...their list is closed. This leaves me with housing authority or HUD projects...dumps. And considering the last time I'd rather be homeless.

Now if I can be honest you're kind of reminding me of a rich & famous man & his friends...one of whom was a moderator. They completely missed the fact that I've been dealing with health problems & some Gov't/state help agency or org for much of my kid's 22 years. By myself. And they missed the fact that just weeks prior to me going to them I lost my job, mom, family & a boyfriend in basically a month's time. I never been much of a thief in my life yet I've got my own brother trying to convince people I'm out to rip everybody off. Then he did...by the way. The hospital was a 3 ring circus. My mom cried on her death bed. Then although she had 7 living sibs...one of whom she'd just nursed back to some-what living...plus 3 sons...my kid & I were the only 2 in the room when her machines quit working. Oh yeah...post traumatic stress disorder at the very least.

They also completely missed the fact I'm sick 2 weeks a month to all month long...depending on the stress level...which just went up so looks like it's gonna be a bad month. One of the last times I went to the doctor he told me I was going to have to wait 'til I needed an emergency hysterectomy. Hysterectomy's are risky. Oh so let's wait 'til it's even riskier then. But the last time I went to the ER the doctor said I'd probably get some blood transfusions first. So I sit here month after month sick, in pain, 1/2 out of it plus stressed & anxious wondering if this will be the month when I die. Cuz if it is my kid's up a creek without a paddle.

They're also forgetting the 1/2 blind & night-blind thing. Plus the heart murmur that stress & anxiety aggravates. For the last year or so there's been leg swelling too...still don't know what that's about. And this is just part of my health problems. I should probably be in a hospital not about to be homeless. Try calling a lot of these places you're speaking about. If you can get through it'll be a miracle. Which means physically showing up. Driving in a city you don't know...gas...movement...& policies & procedures.

As far as my kid goes...I admit even I'm mad...but I have to remind myself we both went through 3 years of one thing after another, my divorce, her surgery, mom's divorce & we both were the only 2 in the room when my mom died. About 9 mo's later she was in a wreck & saw a woman killed. Several months after that we found her aunt's body. She didn't but she knew it was there for 4 days. I'm an adult...& just wow! I know the meaning of the words mind blowing that's for sure. But she was just a kid.

By the way...who teaches kids how to drive when their parents are too sick to sit in the car while they drive around in circles? Salvation Army? Big Brothers & Sisters? We paid for driver's ed & she got to drive maybe an hour. I mean if you have no family or friends...who do you call? Did you try 211?

What kind of food did you get at the church? Any meat? Real potatoes? Real veggies/fruit? And didn't you have to pray at somebody's desk for it? I did. And that was at a food bank...not a church. I told her I'm not religious & I had to do it anyway. I didn't say you had to be their same religion. I didn't say they'd try to convert you...although one church I went to was another one who insisted you stay for not just a prayer but actual services. I just said at the very least they expect you to pray & we shouldn't have to...especially for their beans & rice.

I went there for friends. I don't know if you can realize this or not but I had & still have no one to mourn all this loss with. I went there for a new family...hopefully a sane/functional one. I went there to tell my story. I went there to preach my gospels. I thought they were fellow haters of abusers & perverts & would back me up. And they did...'til I learned he was taken. Then I was just out for sympathy. I was out for 5 minutes of fame. I'm a hypochondriac. Actually I got called several names in the book. All to save his "image". But I wasn't blaming my problems on him. I'm certainly not blaming them on any of you.

To Hound Dog: You'd think I could go have surgery. But for some reason I keep getting doctor's who want to try the pill. And this was when I had insurance & a hubby & we were trying to have a kid. They were supposed to scope me & try cutting or scraping or burning or something but they insisted on the pill (birth control). My problems started in 1996 but I didn't even get an ultrasound & diagnosed with ovarian cysts 'til around 2005. Even then they insisted on pills...stronger hormones. And those didn't help either. I've been screaming for a hysterectomy for years & they refuse to give me one. It don't matter this has ruined my life. It don't matter I'm single & certainly not having anymore kids.

They won't give me a hysterectomy & they also won't give me pain management. So I sit here & burn myself with a heating pad & now my lower belly & upper legs look like a map. I guess I've cooked all those blood vessels? Maybe that explains the swelling leg? I've actually been on the floor & couldn't get up. I really need my kid with me. She can't drive but at least she can call 911.

You would think a 14 year long health record could follow you around. Everything else can. And you would think like we have a statute of limitations they would have to have one. Like after a couple of years of trying pills they'd be required to scope us & do something. And you'd think rather then try scraping or cutting or burning or lasers - a few times no less - once a woman reached a certain age - especially if she's single - we could demand a hysterectomy. I do believe we need to make it so.

By the way...I applied for housing with Austin's housing authority 5 years ago. They just called me a few months ago. I told them what my ex has done to my kid. I told them I need her. And they insisted I get a doctor's note anyway...which I couldn't do because I don't really know anybody in TX. I've mostly been to the ER a few times. I was expected to dump her with her dad. And if she'd been kicked out or he died & she moved in with me I'd still both need their permission but then also still need a doctor's note for anything longer then a week or two. She was supposed to apply for her own housing but it took me 5 years with a disability preference to get a phone call...imagine how long it'd take her. Because again...according to the so called licensed pros she's "just fine".

I'm bi-polar by the way. I thought you were supposed to have up-times. I don't have none of those. I'm as bi-polar as my kid is "just fine". This is corruption. All of it. The help agencies & orgs...the quacks & the shrinks. Why would quacks leave people to rot when a simple surgery could put an end to their misery? Doctors visits at least every 6 mo's plus ER room trips plus all those tests then of course all those pills spanned out over 10 years for the kid & over 14 years & counting for me. That's why they would leave people to rot.

We got so many people who think there's so much help out there for people. I saw a post somewhere from a cop who was suddenly disabled & about to lose his house & was hoping for help. There's none for him either. Not even a cop who got hurt on the job. There's worker's comp, short term disability or long term. And that's it. There's no place that's going to help you pay several months of your mortgage. You're going to have to jump through hoops for the bills. You're going to have to wait 'til the bank accounts pretty much empty before you can get food stamps. Speaking of which...when I lived alone I got $10/mo food stamps.

If you were sleeping easy at night thinking people are taken care of think again. This could be anybody at anytime. One lousy health problem. My bro's mom-in-law was refused help by an ambulance & also help by doctors or the ER so she drowned on her own junk right in front of her grandkids. The #1 country in the world. We're not taken care of. And as long as people insist on burying their head in the sand or worse - blaming human beings for their problems - we never will be.

 

[Marcie Mac]

The only suggestion I am going to make is that you seriously need some medication for your "bi-polar" - your posts are full of contradictions. From someone who states that "I know from installing/owning/admining my own forums" you obviously have the savy to find help on the WWWeb.

Oprah and Extreme Makeover, I would chance a guess, are not going to turn up anytime soon. Get yourself stable on medication.

Marcie

 

[katya02]

What's wrong with the rice and beans that food pantries provide? I eat them all the time. Very healthy.
I agree that your posts suggest a need for a review of your bipolar treatment plan. I hope you'll consider contacting someone for an evaluation.

 

[Star*]

Surrounded -

it is my belief that in your life there have been several tragic things happen. Since you don't know me, this is where I would normally tell you about the horrors of my life and my sons life. Tragedies in life are meant to make us better ministers to others hurting, stronger for the days ahead, able to empathize, not turn things into an all out whizzing contest - which believe me - there are no winners when we start dragging out war stories of lives past. But that's my point - FOR ME and my son? It's the past. I MADE IT SO. I had NO help. I had NO family around to "DO" for me. It was me, and my son - and we were homeless, peniless, jobless, and my mental state was near beyond repair due to the abuse I suffered. But I KNEW, like you - there had to be something better. If you truly seek help - and are serious about turning your life around? You will get help.

What I personally got tired of was telling my story. Why? (scoffs) because basically NO one wants to hear it. Now in a sentence that sounds pretty harsh huh? But in reality - what I realized very quickly was that there are different kinds of people. Which one I wanted to become was up to me. Did I want to be the kind that told my story and DID something about it for myself? Worked harder than I ever did in my life to improve my situation, or did I want to be the kind that told my story over and over and over to evoke pity, continally admit defeat because of everyone else holding me down and get that "high" of the sorrow and temporary kindness that some people give when they hear things like - "My husband beat me senseless, or he sold my child, I got ripped off, look at my living conditions" , or other horror stories? No maam. I too was angry. I too had an x that did unspeakable and haneous things that most people can scarcely imagine, I too have had friends, and relatives and so-called good people and religious people in my life that did me so dirty I lost faith in nearly everything - but the more I told my story? Well - lets just say - the more I lost credibility with the world and the more I lost the ability to do anything but feel sorry for myself and start to believe there was nothing I could do, the world was out to get me, and nothing would ever change.

I'm not sorry for you - You are obviously clever, and resourceful - you have an obvious and childlike way of pushing people away to try to get what you want and maybe it's worked for you in the past. Maybe it's worked for you up to a point in your life and now it doesn't work and you don't know why and it's frustrating you. You're 44 years old. You said in your first post -" I don't want advice, I don't want this, I don't want that." - THAT is very self defeating. You have to know that. Why not be open to any and all help? My thought? Your impatient, you're tired, you just want all your problems solved NOW - whether you feel you've brought them on yourself or whether others have caused them for you - and you want RESCUED. Sorry sister - you're going to have to buck up, get off the pity wagon and become your own knight in shining armor. STOP talking - and START listening. - NO REALLY - you talk when you should listen - you talk over people because you want so badly to be heard that you don't listed to anything anyone has to say - and you miss so much that I can literally see people who probably WOULD help you - walk away from you in frustration throwing their hands in the air, shaking their heands and saying - WHATEVER whenever you come near. Being dogmatic and tenatious - VERY good - Being hardheaded and a knowitall - not so good when you need others to DO things for you or when you are asking for help.

You come to an advice board - and say you don't want advice - you want help. Then we suggest help and you say our help isn't helpful - not what you want. So that basically leaves you setting yourself up to be the victim - again - and this time dear one - not gonna work. I see a pattern evolving between the lines - and if you don't see how you set yourself up with the health issues, and the, abusive husband and all that? I'm not sure where that leaves anyone any room TO help you. You want to tell your story? Okay that's good - but you need to be telling it to someone with some AUTHORITY that can be HELPING YOU - maybe pointing that out to you WILL help. A therapist with connections to a domestic violence womens shelter to get you and your daughter away from the abusive X? WOULD NOT THAT HELP? Lets see - PLACE TO LIVE - MEDICAL TREATMENT - NO MORE ABUSE - yeah - that would work - and a person to tell your story to.

Don't - DO NOT come back and tell me they won't help you. I know too many that will connect you to the National Domestic Violence Hot Line TONIGHT. If you'd like that number it's not through 211 - I'd be glad to share it - I do quite frequently with many women I meet WEEKLY.

I truly hope you get help - if not here, then somewhere. But mostly I hope you stop making yourself out to be the victim. You aren't doing your daughter any favors. It's a set pattern for generations and at 22 living at home with Mom and you already stating you have problems with her? That's proof. Now - what are YOU going to do about it?

Still - Hugs & Love
Star





You want help? I told you - we're here. Have I called 211? You bet I have. I have gotten glasses, and help with food - and by the way - I have never been asked at any food bank if I'm a practicing Satanist or a Christian for a bag of beans but you should see me stretch a bag of Pintos and rice - and I thank EVERY ONE of them for the donation because - BECAUSE it was given to me freely - and if you're angry with your higher power take it up with your higher power.

Best thing I can say at this point? Get off the pity wagon - and find yourself - and start doing something POSITIVE for YOU.....When you do things will improve for you and your daughter. Until you do? They will remain the same, and stop relying on everyone else to fix your world - because no one will. It's up to you.

Rarely do I ever come at someone like this - but in light of your responses to our responses I feel this is the best answer I can give you from my heart. I would say it to anyone seeking help.

 

[donna723]

Thank you, Star.

 

[HaoZi]

Having talked to a friend that lives in TX, her response was
"depending where they are in tx there isn't much help... TX [hoover]s
the Housing Authority would be the best, but they [hoover] too there are several womens shelters in the major cities
there is a church organization... I don't remember the name... but they can help up to 6 months with everything
they are for families who are or will soon be displaced due to income, job loss, divorce, ect."

She went through an abusive ex, has an autistic child (let's not even talk about the IEP issues there!), and several surgeries to put her ankle back together. Her main help was the fact that she was in the military (where she got the injury on active duty). She's near El Paso, so I'm not sure if the church she means is local or something big like Salvation Army.

My bio-dad has been on federal disability for years, but last I heard he was still fighting the state for it (yeah, messed up, isn't it?). The injury causing it occurred in 1991 and he had to get the original surgery re-done in 2000 because the bone was collapsing (C-5), but the employer (which was the county) and state are still fighting him. (Bio-dad is in Florida)

 

[witzend]

FWIW, my husband, kids, and I lived in a Section 8 he//hole for 8 years before we finally worked our way out of it. I literally worked myself into a wheelchair against doctor's orders to get out, but I don't think I'd change anything I did to make a better life for ourselves.

Thank you Janet and Star for your insight. Spot on as always.

SBC, this is the "Parent Emeritus" forum. We're a tough bunch of old broads who have had difficult child's in our homes for at least long enough for them to move out on their own. We do know how difficult it is, and there isn't a lot of pity left in us. I hope you will contact every agency available to you. That's what they're there for. It ain't glamorous, but it ain't living on the street, either.

Merry Christmas, all.

 

[surrounded-by-crazies]

To Star: This thing is a whopping 3 pages long but you know me well enough to judge me. And 2 others know me well enough to diagnose me. By the way...diagnosing people without a license is illegal. Even if anybody did know me well enough...you have no right to judge or diagnose. Judge not lest ye be judged. I'm not religious but even I know that much. Also FYI...typing in all caps is considered yelling & is bad net etiquette.

This is why all this abuse & neglect is still happening. I mean listen to yourself...picking me apart under a little microscope. I'm not the criminal. I am the victim. I'm not making myself out a victim...I am a victim. And it's fairly fresh. My ex, several thieves, rapists & a stalker in a small OK town plus a rich & famous nut-case are all still walking around free as a bird. And not a one is in therapy either.

Verbal/mental abuse, bashing, bullying, brain-washing - they're still not illegal. The best you can do is sue...if they have money & you've got an attorney. Know of any atty's willing to work for free? Not legal aide...not for this...yes I did try. If you want to talk about mental illness & pills talk to the criminals. I don't steal, cheat, lie, abuse, rape, molest - none of that. I'm simply sick as heckie poo & nobody in my world cares. Actually not only does no one care...they're trying to kick me when I'm down.

And it's not just people - it's entire systems that are corrupt. The welfare system, the housing system, the medical care system & now the mental health care system. 2 people barely read what I had to say & now I'm bi-polar & need medications. But if you'd read the whole thing you'd see the first time I went to a shrink I was "depressed". Actually I'm neither bi-polar nor depressed...I'm a victim. And to turn me into a drugged zombie would just make me an even easier target.

You're right...I'm fairly intelligent. I've dealt with our help systems before...which is why I worked sick 5 years to avoid doing it again. I also knew I'd be disabled & unable to work so I taught myself how to build sites & install software programs. I built a site. I offer services. I have rates. And do you know nobody contacts me about my services at my rates. Most contact me for free personal consulting when I don't even offer the service (personal consulting). I created a support forum for their questions but the only people who sign up for it are spammers.

But it don't stop there. I made the mistake of posting my tree for these people I've disowned to have the info. And since then I've met several total strangers who send me their branch, stories, pics & even GEDCOM files to "add to my collection" when I didn't have a collection 'til people started sending me things. Or I had people wanting to give me what little they had & expect me to figure the rest out & get 'em into my tree. Plus of course there's the usual computer/net/software questions. I made a forum where they could drop things off & they don't use it...still send everything to me. Or the few that do use our things end up sending me 20 questions via email, IM or PM & then I still have to clean up a mess. Trying to be nice & helpful got me a full time unpaid job. I had a donation button & got one $50 donation in 3 years. I see bums having better luck out on the street corner. And they're not even willing to work for food...they're just walking car to car.

Some people don't know how to read/comprehend. I just told you I called a hot line. Not sure which one but I called a hotline & told them a little of our story & their "help" was telling me to dump my child in a homeless shelter. That's why she's in TX with a loser again. I also told you we went to the only clinic she could go to with her lovely MAP (when she had it) & they said she was "just fine". We went twice & the 2nd time I talked to my kid's counselor before she did & told this goofy hag we're with a psycho cuz my kid wanted the free room & board. They still said she was "just fine". Housing or no housing they're not going to help her & if they don't help her they can't help me.

What am I going to do about it? I'm fixing to get rid of my cat...my only friend. Then I'm going to be homeless. If I find a new place it'll be bare walls. But since I've been sick the entire time I was writing this thread...& not just the usual endo but my stomach's burning, my neck's killing me & I've got migraines like nobody's business...I'll be lucky to pull any of this off.

I'm part Cherokee as well. When they were moved to OK on the Trail of Tears...some made it only to die of heart ache over leaving their dead behind & also losing them & burying them all along the route. If you can die of heart ache...well my only child told me the week of x-mas I got a month to get out...knowing I've got no where to go & no help or money to move with. And since I need to go on the 1st when I got a full check to work with I've got even less then that.

What are you going to do about it? Pathologically lie to yourself like my ex & our kid does. This is how people can sit here & watch people rot & suffer & die untimely deaths & still live with themselves & sleep at night. Sweep it all under the rug. As far as I'm concerned people who sit back & do this are just as bad as the criminals.

To HaoZi: I live in Austin. And no...there isn't much help. I did actually try a church...because of Ms. Hound Dog. (I think she's a Ms). No reply yet. So that some people are right about one thing...I'm very exhausted & yeah...I'm tired of calling this one & that one only to end up chasing my own tail around in circles.

When it comes to fighting people for disability it's rough in any state. Everybody will fight...because they hope you'll give up. Pretty much the way it is with everything. I hope your dad has an attorney. This is one of the few times you can get a free one...til you win. Then you're paying for it. In fact the SSA will send any atty's share straight to them. I wish you all luck.

 

[DammitJanet]

This has gotten to be a bit long winded.

For what its worth...I am so far from rich, that is laughable! I live in a rundown mobile home but Im thankful for it because I can call it mine. My SO works his rear end off in the extreme weather doing very hard construction. Its killing him at our ages. I worked as long as I could with my physical and mental illnesses but then they got to be just too much to handle. Hell, 2 years ago I almost died. I had to learn how to walk and use my arms again. Wasnt fun.

We can all come on here and tell our pity stories. We dont. Sometimes we will tell our stories of how we have overcome some issues to help people see how to do something or see that hope is possible but we dont wallow. We have found that wallowing doesnt seem to help much.

On that note. Im locking this thread. I hope you find the help you need.