I'm still in shock. No training! None whatewver! And I thought things were bad here... at least the aides, and the class teacher, get access to some training and inservice, even if it's in situ and aqfter the child starts in their class. A couple of weeks might elapse while the system gets up to speed, and the training is often minimal and dependent on how much the staff actually take on board, it IS informal in that respect - but they DO get support for the staff, so they're not flying blind. And the aides DO get involved in the IEP, they are supposed to be present at the IEP meetings also. Although I did find I had to repeatedly request and insist, that difficult child 3's aide(s) (consecutive; he only ever had one at a time, part-time) be invited to participate in the IEP process.
Shari, that might be something for you to consider - you should be able to have input into who gets involved in the IEP. I was able to request that the Learning Team involve certain people (such as difficult child 3's Speech Pathologist, as well as the aide).
Another thought for you - we moved difficult child 3 from the local school (which was increasingly similar to your experiences in your son's current placement, except for us the problem was the teachers, some of them, whose attitudes had percolated through most of the staff; think 'pretty boy' in triplicate and with a lot more hands-on opportunity). I made enquiries at the highway school, talked to the prospective class teacher and also the principal, had good vibes (their attitude and sideways glances at each other as they read the Communication Book confirmed my suspicions that the local school simply were never gonig to get it right). Then the principal and class teacher asked me about the support funding difficult child 3 already had, and if I had any suggestions as to likely aides. At that time, difficult child 3's aide was a really good support for him. She had been his aide for a few years and they knew each other well, she worked with him well but had been hampered by needing to support the class teacher against me, when I was on the warpath. I had no knowledge of the aide's personal details other than her full name, and I'd seen her at her house (small village) so I knew where she lived. I didn't know the address, though.
So on the way home form that meeting, I took note of the street number and immediately rang the highway principal with that information plus her full name, followed by the request to please, discreetly if possible, 'poach' this wonderful aide from the local school.
And so it came to pass - the aide who would have been out of work when difficult child 3 transferred to the highway school, made the transition with him. It smoothed the transition for difficult child 3, made it much easier for the school to adapt. The problem with the move - the staff at the new school didn't know difficult child 3 at all, neither did the kids. The good things about the move - he was in a more supportive environment, where rules such as "no bullying" and a general air of supporting kids with disabilities, was high on the agenda. Having his wonderful aide with us gave this option the absolute best chance it could have.
We lasted one term, almost exactly. Possibly we could have forced through for another term, but we could see it was not working well enough. But it had shown us that the problems which remained were ones which could not be solved in the school system, they had to be dealt with by home schooling. Lucky for us we have a state-based correspondence school option, which is working brilliantly for us. Unfortunately this meant the aide was now permanently out of work as far as difficult child 3 was concerned, but she was now well-known to the highway school as well, so was able to get more work through them. And at least we'd given her one more term's work.
When I look back at what difficult child 3 & I endured, especiually difficult child 3, I get very angry. difficult child 3 himself is now starting to express his anger. I thought I had hidden a lot of my disapproval in my attempt to at least appear to be presenting a united front with the school; but I had been increasingly openly critical of some of their decisions and had learned to NOT carry over punishment for school events, to the home. difficult child 3's current position is one of increasing anger, as well as gratitude for all I did do for him. I feel guilty, I wish I had done more, and sooner. I know difficult child 1 wishes I had done more for him, but we simply didn't know as much back then.
Every so often difficult child 3 will say, "Why did my teachers never stop the bullies form hurting me, even after I told them what was happening?"
At first difficult child 3 was talking along the lines of, "What did I do wrong, that they did this to me?" but lately it has been morphing into, "How dare they do this to someone who is less able to fend for themselves? They had the responsibility to be looking after me and keeping me safe, and they failed miserably, and I'm very, very angry."
Although it distresses me to hear this from difficult child 3, part of me rejoices because it is in fact a very healthy response. He is entitled to feel angry and I'm glad he is expressing it. He will move past it and grow from it. He will also use it to help others, should the opportunity ever arise.
Shari, you've been sitting in on your son's classes and you've been trying to teach them how to best help your son. He is seeing this, he knows what you are doing for him. As he gets older he will begin to make even more sense of this and he WILL realise just how much you are fighting for him, to get him a fair deal.
Wherever you go from here, has to be an improvement. Whether it's staying put but with better information and closer scrutiny (and no so-so para!), or a change in school - you have a lot more to work with now.
Marg
