Trying to ignore a gnawing panic in my belly...

[BusynMember]

LOL, Marg. I can almost hear that adorable Australian accent (well, to me it's an accent) in your posts.
I allow my children's live-ins in the house. I'm not a prude. My son even lived with his father for a while (with his fiance) while they waited for their condo to be finished. My daughter has a SO and he is considered one of the family. I love him like a son. But they are RESPECTFUL of us and our rules. I didn't mean that the poster shouldn't allow her daughter's boyfriend at home because it's morally wrong (I don't believe living together is wrong). I wouldn't let him come over because of his behavior. And hers. And I agree that difficult child's tend not to grow up unless we force it. I was lucky that my daughter, even while high on drugs, always had a job (I have no clue how she did a good job, but she did) and she loved to cook and do housework so she was maybe "more ready" to straighten out once she was shown the door. However, I still believe she'd be on drugs if we hadn't made her leave and she hadn't had to experience Real Life without Mom to hold her hand (as much as I wanted to--I knew I couldn't make it better. Only she could do that).

 

[hearts and roses]

Thanks again, ladies, for the reinforcement.

It's going well since the other day. difficult child hung out with one of her old friends last night and they went to a coffee house to listen to some local artists. She was home before 11 - verra nice. She was straight and pleasant and respectful. She saw Monkeyboy while at the cafe, but then he left and she was with her girlfriends. She did not have her car; I drove her there and her friend's dad drove her home. Today she is going to DMV to get a duplicate license since they don't mail back your original once you surrender it! Nice if they could have told us that...like dolts we kept checking the mail each day! Anyway, the rule is she can use her car for work, but not play. She will have to find rides or beg her sister to drive her. She understands why...we shall see how it plays out for her. We found her a neat policy and next week after she gets her first paycheck she will buy it. It's not cheap and likely H will have to kick in a little to help cover it, but she will pay 3/4 of it and it's better than being on ours. *We pay for easy child's policy in full and that's not cheap either, but as long as easy child is in school full time, we will pay for this. in my opinion, if she's being responsible and keeping her record clean, we will cover this for her until she gets a job where she makes enough money to cover it herself.

Monkeyboy has only been to our house this one time. I explained to difficult child that while they may have been in strong like with each other and feel comfortable laying on the couch watching a movie under a blanket - it's still very new for us and it makes H, easy child and I feel uncomfortable so it needs to stop. IF Monkeyboy comes over for an evening or afternoon, they can have the couch and living room, but they cannot lie on the couch and hog the room; they must understand that this is our home also and while she can have company - we will be around. They can sit up like humans and watch tv, share a popcorn and soda if they want, but no cuddling under the blankeys. I am not a prude either and in our house we've always been open and very frank about sex and relationships. If after a few months they are still an item and it's clear that theirs is a healthy balanced relationship, they I probably wouldn't really mind if they grabbed a blanket while watching a movie on the couch....but not after 3 days and only once meeting him. I have to say that I just love the look of confusion on difficult child's face when I say this to her...as if to ask, "But why?" hahaha - It doesn't help that Monkeyboy just kind of smells funny and well, he's like Eddie Haskel? Does anyone remember Eddie Haskel? You know, the kid from Leave it to Beaver who is the picture of perfection and politeness around the Beave's parents, but really he's a no good, sneaky scoundrel?? Well, that is who Monkeyboy reminds me of. I wish I could post his picture here so you could see this young man. Anyway, difficult child has hearts in her eyes when she looks at him, so I have to go easy on calling him Monkeyboy too much, lest she run off with him! Hahah-

Anyway, just wanted to set the record straight - no boyfriend's are sleeping over at this point and they have not had sex yet. difficult child will tell me when they have sex and she's on the ring and she's gotten her period this week...so far so good in that dept. She does not have access to her car for anything but work, we're getting her the ins next week so until then she can't joyride, she's still working. And H is adament about her staying at home while I'm away for his own reasons and I am not going to interfere with that. We've discussed it and although I have my doubts about leaving her here, basically unsupervised, I do agree that he's right - at some point she will mess up enough and fly right. It may be that while I'm gone she's okay and goes to work, gets home by curfew and doesn't get wasted. It may be she doesn't. I won't be here, but H will. I do, however, really love the suggestion of a sit down family meeting to go over all of this. I think maybe we will schedule that over the weekend. H hates family meetings, but in this case, I think it's warranted - difficult child needs to see that H and I are on the same page and know what our expectations are.

You're all gems - thanks.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Jo,

I think the most important thing is that you and husband are in agreement as to how to handle difficult child while you're away, and you're doing what feels right for you and your family. As long as you're ok with letting difficult child have the car for work, and are able to not worry whether or not she'll stay sober and be in by curfew, then the decision is right for you. If you're not going to be able to enjoy the cruise because of being worried about difficult child, then in my humble opinion, you need to discuss this further with husband.

I think it is good that you're having a family meeting. You're right - difficult child needs to understand that you and husband are on the same page.

You have so much on your plate with difficult child living at home again. difficult children, whether they mean to or not, always seem to add a bit of "GFGness" at the worst possible moments...

The cruise sounds wonderful - What a fantastic way to spend quality time with your easy child!!! I hope you'll be able to put aside the problems with difficult child and totally be able to relax and cherish this special mother/daughter time with easy child...

Just my thoughts...WFEN

 

[TerryJ2]

Sounds like you've got it all together. Way To Go!
It won't be easy but as long as you stick to your plan, it will work.
Ohhh, yeah, I remember Eddie Haskell. We use that name a lot when we meet someone him that we can't quite describe. You just use the name and viola! Instant understanding. LOL.