Trying to set Boundaries

[february]

Beautiful outcome!

 

[Enable-no-more]

God is good and we are give it to him. So glad it worked out for your daughter somewhereoutthere

 

[BusynMember]

Trust me, we didnt expect it. She was a twig from the meth and I truly believed shed die or end up in prison. Prison was my preference.

It was quite a blessed surprise. I believe strongly in a higher power and give that power some credit in guiding my daughter to wellness. Sometimes I still look back and shudder and then cry because with what she was using, she could easily have not been with us. I feel my higher power with me and give thanks and gratitude all the time.

Never give up. Ever.

 

[Enable-no-more]

My son has believed in a higher power also (assuming he still does) and I'm praying for God to save him and that he will have full restoration and thrive again. He's always been a funny, loving and talented guy. I just don't know what has happened. Drugs I guess. Mental illness? An event we don't know about? I just don't know where my son is. As much as it hurts I cannot allow him to take us down with him anymore. My nerves just can't handle it and I will end up in a hospital. We are doing our part to help in except give him money or a place to just crash and take advantage. We are now even looking at cutting off the financial support to his girlfriend because that just makes it easier on him. At least she can move home and I know her parents will ensure she and the granddaughters are ok. Again, I'm just struggling with the thought of my son being homeless. Or worse driving us crazy because he's homeless. I pray it don't come to this. But if it is God's will I need to let go.

 

[february]

My son has believed in a higher power also (assuming he still does) and I'm praying for God to save him and that he will have full restoration and thrive again. He's always been a funny, loving and talented guy. I just don't know what has happened. Drugs I guess. Mental illness? An event we don't know about? I just don't know where my son is. As much as it hurts I cannot allow him to take us down with him anymore. My nerves just can't handle it and I will end up in a hospital. We are doing our part to help in except give him money or a place to just crash and take advantage. We are now even looking at cutting off the financial support to his girlfriend because that just makes it easier on him. At least she can move home and I know her parents will ensure she and the granddaughters are ok. Again, I'm just struggling with the thought of my son being homeless. Or worse driving us crazy because he's homeless. I pray it don't come to this. But if it is God's will I need to let go.

Y

My son has believed in a higher power also (assuming he still does) and I'm praying for God to save him and that he will have full restoration and thrive again. He's always been a funny, loving and talented guy. I just don't know what has happened. Drugs I guess. Mental illness? An event we don't know about? I just don't know where my son is. As much as it hurts I cannot allow him to take us down with him anymore. My nerves just can't handle it and I will end up in a hospital. We are doing our part to help in except give him money or a place to just crash and take advantage. We are now even looking at cutting off the financial support to his girlfriend because that just makes it easier on him. At least she can move home and I know her parents will ensure she and the granddaughters are ok. Again, I'm just struggling with the thought of my son being homeless. Or worse driving us crazy because he's homeless. I pray it don't come to this. But if it is God's will I need to let go.

Yes, we need to have faith that god, Will help theses kids!

 

[Enable-no-more]

I'm struggling today with the thought that my son really is going to be homeless. His girlfriend has decided she can't take it anymore and is moving home. My son came to my home asking what he he supposed to do. I told him he can't stay here and he through the biggest fit, screaming, yelling and cussing at us. He even got in my husbands face and my husband had to threaten to call the police. He left but now he's texting and pleading saying he has no where to go. My heart is breaking but I know my health cannot handle the turmoil he brings if he stays with us. He's verbally abusive and has hurt a family member in the past. So torn. So scared.

 

[BusynMember]

If he was in his dads face screaming, cussing etc. It is not safe for him to live with you. Our adult kids are amazingly resourceful. He will find people to take him in for stints (he will probably blow it, but he will find others), there are shelters and food pantries all over and he can apply for benefits or maybe even get a job. There are free and cheap rehabs if he wants to quit.

Dont feel torn. You made the only sane choice.

You did not force him to leave. If he acted decently, got help, looked for work, was polite he could stay. He chose to disregard civil and sane rules. He chose not to follow simple rules. His choice.

Your house should be your sanctuary. SON is verbally violent and threatening. I made my son leave when he did that. He lived in cheap motels until his father, my ex, let him move in. That way he didnt live with my youngest daughter who was scared of him. Or me. Ex had a hard time too.

Things dont always go as smooth as we eould like but we in my opinion should take care of ourselves and protect ourselves. You can do nothing more for your son if he refuses to get help. it is time to take care of yourself now. Your son has to walk his own path. His discomfort may fuel him to get help. He was not improving under your roof.

Light and love! Keep posting.

 

[Enable-no-more]

Thank you thank you for these reassuring words that we are doing the right thing here. I can't afford to be ill and lose my job so I must stand strong here. Thank you again. I wish you all the best.

 

[HanginginThere]

Enable, my son has been homeless for some months now. He's been sleeping in the woods behind a store. It breaks my heart that this has been happening but it's because of the choices he has made. Like you, I came to a point where it was either to continue enabling him or think about my health and let him find his way on his own. It's not easy because many people will tell me what a terrible mother I am but if all my support didn't help him then it's time to try something new. Insanity has been described as "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." Just like my 25 year old son, your son is not a baby anymore. Try to think about yourself for once and let him deal with his own choices. It's a painful journey but a necessary one for both of you.

 

[Enable-no-more]

Enable, my son has been homeless for some months now. He's been sleeping in the woods behind a store. It breaks my heart that this has been happening but it's because of the choices he has made. Like you, I came to a point where it was either to continue enabling him or think about my health and let him find his way on his own. It's not easy because many people will tell me what a terrible mother I am but if all my support didn't help him then it's time to try something new. Insanity has been described as "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." Just like my 25 year old son, your son is not a baby anymore. Try to think about yourself for once and let him deal with his own choices. It's a painful journey but a necessary one for both of you.

Thank you hanging-in-there. I can't imagine what people will think of me. I'm sure they will wonder how in the world can I turn my back on my son. All I can say is: until they've lived it they'll never truly understand the heart ache. I can only hope we are doing the right thing here and he turns his life around. What's so difficult is he stuggles with some barriers such as PTSD and anxiety but he's in total denial. I'm giving it to God. Thank you

 

[BusynMember]

It doesnt really matter what anyone thinks and I know people who would do the same if their adult child was dangerous, a drug user, or even just refusing to work. Dont assume what is on everyones mind. You cant know.

We are supposed to care for our children when they are very young and incapable of caring for themselves. And I think it is fair to assume that we all did that with all our love and best intentions.

We are not supposed to have to house, feed, care for and financially support 20 year old plus men and women who wont work, take drugs, are lazy, wont treat their mental illnesses, and abuse us on top of everything else.

If others dont understand they dont have to. It is not their business.

You know how hard you tried and how it is to live with your son. You only need to know, nobody else does. Stand strong and hold your head high. You are doing what you must and are a brave hero. This isnt easy.

 

[JaneBetty]

Enable, you are doing the right thing, and I am sure it was difficult to tell your son he could no longer live in your household, but it was a necessary thing to do, and you did it!
He won't stand on his feet and progress into adulthood if he keeps getting bailed out. At some point, despite his difficulties, he will make a life for himself. He is no longer a child, even though he will always be your child.
Hang in there. It doesn't get easier, but you must stay strong and think of your responsibilities to yourself and your husband. You can better help your son if you stay strong yourself.

 

[Enable-no-more]

Enable, you are doing the right thing, and I am sure it was difficult to tell your son he could no longer live in your household, but it was a necessary thing to do, and you did it!
He won't stand on his feet and progress into adulthood if he keeps getting bailed out. At some point, despite his difficulties, he will make a life for himself. He is no longer a child, even though he will always be your child.
Hang in there. It doesn't get easier, but you must stay strong and think of your responsibilities to yourself and your husband. You can better help your son if you stay strong yourself.

Thank you. It is difficult to think if your kids being on the streets or so depressed that they could take their own life. But we are doing all we can. We take him to every counselor appointment, we pay for his insurance, we take care of his kids, we are there every time he goes in the hospital, we've brought him home and he still abuses us. Praying God protects him as we step out and let him work on him.

 

[JaneBetty]

Enable, set your boundaries, focus on the grandchildren, take care of them when you can. The grandchildren will remember and appreciate the time you gave them. You must pay it forward through your grandchildren now. Your son is on an uncertain path. Focus on your grandchildren and do what you can for them.