Update on 37 year old daughter

[newstart]

Life has been very busy. I still read this forum, pray for you and when I have time answer and write.
Daughter has been making her house payments since last Oct 2018. As long as she pays her bills and I don't have bill collectors calling here I stay away. Her neighbors call me when they see something off and so far things are just ok. I went over to the house a couple of months ago and notice big marks on the wall. When my daughter moved in I paid eight thousand dollars to have it painted. I made a comment about the marks on the wall. A week later she calls to tell me they paint matched it exactly and it looks good. I went over a couple of weeks ago and nothing had been painted. She still lies but we have noticed not as much. I think when she is stressed out she just starts lying more. She is still living with her 44 year old boyfriend. Things have settled down a bit. Daughter is 5'6 and weighed about 110, in a few short years she is up to 165. She does not look like the same person but I have noticed since she put on 55 lbs her moodswings are much better and she seems a bit more grounded. She hates being that weight and complains about it all the time but I would rather her be a bit over weight but grounded in her head. I do not say anything about her weight and just compliment her on staying on track. Every single day she asks me if I think she is fat, I tell her that she is beautiful because to me, better behavior is beautiful.

I have not said one word to the boyfriend since last Memorial Day. I told me daughter he is rude and she agrees yet nothing has been done about it. NO relationship at all. It once bothered me,but now I am satisfied because I truly do not like him. He actually hurts my spirit when he is around. When I am at my daughter home I see his handprints all over the walls, big greasy prints just like a little child.

I have come to some kind of peace with not worring about the house too much. If they move I will just remodel so I have dropped all that worry. My daughter's boyfriend said to her 'I bet your mom thinks we live like a couple of pigs'. My daughter told me that and I did not say a word because if I would have said yes I do I am sure it would get worse over there. All these things that I am complaining about today are so very minor compared to a year ago. I am grateful and careful. Things are not great by NO means, just better than last year.

 

[RN0441]

Newstart
So glad that things are improved. That's all any of us ask for.

It's good you see an improvement in her moods and lying. Maybe the weight gain is from medication?

I agree to never say she is overweight! Good that you are staying in your own lane. They are both adults and handling their life. Maybe not the way you would do it but so what? If it's working then that is all that matters.

I have very high standards also but sometimes I have to stop and tell myself to not push my high standards onto my son. I do see his standards rising as he matures which is good. It's such a slow process though but moving in the right direction.

Congrats!

 

[Crayola13]

The walls certainly seem like a minor issue compared to where things were a year ago. I'm glad things are going better.

I would have expected better behavior from a 44 year old man when it comes to taking care of a nice home. Unfortunately, this stuff always falls to the homeowner (you) to take care of. Tenants don't care when it's somebody else's house. Even if the boyfriend was the owner, I doubt he would take care of it in that case, either, because he's too immature and sloppy.

 

[newstart]

Newstart
So glad that things are improved. That's all any of us ask for.

It's good you see an improvement in her moods and lying. Maybe the weight gain is from medication?

I agree to never say she is overweight! Good that you are staying in your own lane. They are both adults and handling their life. Maybe not the way you would do it but so what? If it's working then that is all that matters.

I have very high standards also but sometimes I have to stop and tell myself to not push my high standards onto my son. I do see his standards rising as he matures which is good. It's such a slow process though but moving in the right direction.

Congrats!

Hi RN, My daughter is very against medication, she told me she was in menopause, the start of it, she knew I probably would not believe her so she sent me the Dr's report tests and I guess she is. I have tried to get her to take medication but she will not. The boyfriend and her like to eat out late at night, mexican food and icecream. I tried to get my daughter to work out with me but she is too tried. Hope things are going well for you.

 

[newstart]

The walls certainly seem like a minor issue compared to where things were a year ago. I'm glad things are going better.

I would have expected better behavior from a 44 year old man when it comes to taking care of a nice home. Unfortunately, this stuff always falls to the homeowner (you) to take care of. Tenants don't care when it's somebody else's house. Even if the boyfriend was the owner, I doubt he would take care of it in that case, either, because he's too immature and sloppy.

Hi Crayola13, You are right, I am sure the boyfriend would not take care of the house no matter what. He is doing an ok job with the yards because of the strict HOA laws but still doing stupid stuff like leaving the grass in the mower bag after mowing and leaving paper clutter all over the garage floor. He is a mess. Hope things are well for you.