Update on DGDs...

[ksm]

Most of you know our story, so I wont give a huge back story. Younger DGD had her baby 3.5 months ago. boyfriend is still in the picture, and why wouldn't he be? Because of DGD and baby, he has a two bedroom duplex and food stamps. She is working about 25 hours a week and boyfriend was being a stay at home dad. At least while she was at work.

Last week, he didn't show for a court hearing about payments of fines from 2015 and 2016. So now there is a warrant for his arrest. DGD doesn't want to leave baby with him, in case he gets arrested while she is at work, and he won't man up and turn himself in. DGD seems overwhelmed with work, mom, apartment. Baby does seem healthy and happy, so that's the main thing. I wouldn't complain about the situation, except that now, she wants us to watch the baby every shift. This week, it's 5, 5 hour shifts.

Older DGD has finally got her own place...thanks to the stimulus and extra $600 a week unemployment for two months. Now she is back at work, and I don't see how she can pay for this. Her rental is too small to add a roommate and she signed a one year lease. At the time she had 3 part time jobs, but within two weeks, back to one part time job. Now her manager at the restaurant is saying she will lose her job if she leaves town for 5 days for a river float trip she paid for.

I know I have no control over either situation. I need to decide if we will babysit every work shift or not. There is always the chance that if boyfriend is arrested, the baby might end up in the system. It would depend on the situation of the apartment and the boyfriend...

Thanks for letting me vent.. As usual, no good answers... But open to suggestions. Ksm

 

[overcome mom]

If they do take the baby if he is arrested they always try to place with the parent or grandparent. Most likely they would get a hold of her at work. You could tell the boyfriend to have the police call you if he get arrested. Usually if he pays the fine and turns himself in then they will let him go at the first court hearing. So maybe one or two nights in jail. I would only consider watching the child if he is arrested. Your daughter needs to realize who he is putting first and it is not his child.

 

[Copabanana]

I would only consider watching the child if he is arrested. Your daughter needs to realize who he is putting first and it is not his child.

overcome mom makes a good point which I overlooked. With this guy in the picture the baby is vulnerable and if the baby is vulnerable the whole family is. Engaging with this situation as it is, is to try to pretend there is no leak in the boat as it sinks.

Even if you watched the baby while your daughter is at work, there have to be times when this deadbeat is alone with the baby. If I think about this, it terrifies me. How can your daughter take this risk? I think I agree with overcome mom and I agree with you.

This situation is a leaky boat. It can't be fixed. He is the Dad. He is at home. Let him go to the police or whatever, turn himself in, pay the fine, etc. If you want to help with the baby, you can watch the baby a 2 or 3 days a week, on your terms, and he can take on the responsibility of his child.

Totally, I agree with overcome mom. This legal issue has to be faced or the baby could be snatched. I am quivering as I type. You can't make your daughter face reality, but you can make your help contingent that she do the right thing for her child and for herself, by keeping things as they are, and taking the baby once a week, and more when you want, but not on a regular basis.

 

[JMom]

Ksm,

I can't make suggestions, as I have not been in your shoes. I am stopping by to offer prayers and support. The babies always get the short end of the stick. You have really stepped up for all the kids and grand kids. I am sorry that it has been tough on you. You are a fighter, my friend.
Hugs,
JMOM