update

[Albatross]

Kayaking, outdoor stuff, a husband who doesn’t enjoy “nature” as much as I do...we have a lot in common, Trying! So glad you have so many positive and fun things to do and new places to explore!

 

[RN0441]

When your son starts blaming you for anything then it's time to cut your call short!

I hope that he decides he needs to "dry out" forever and get his life on the right track.

 

[MissLulu]

Trying, I’m wondering if you have read the book, When Your Adult Child Breaks Your Heart by Joel
Young and Christine Adamec? I found it very useful and comforting.

 

[RN0441]

You know, I was thinking about this yesterday.

Our son definitely broke our hearts. I sometimes resent the time that he took from my happy life because I know I'll never get those years of agony back! I don't know if that is okay or not but I just do!!

 

[JayPee]

need

Sometimes I thought I was helping my sons get to the next point in life. Paying for deposits and apartments, buying cars etc. and then I found it was too much of a burden for them to handle the responsibility. They weren’t ready for the next step and were fearful and anxious.
I found I needed to let them move forward when they were ready. I had to try to stop forcing the situation simply because watching them in their pain and discomfort was too much for me.

 

[Copabanana]

he has PTSD.

You're doing great!

I feel convinced that we Moms get PTSD from what WE go through with them. Please focus upon yourself, and what you feel; what you need; what triggers you.

 

[overcome mom]

I know I have PTSD from what I have gone through with my son. He ran away many,many, many times. This meant trips to the police station to report him as missing . A lot of the time I would drive around town looking for him. This often happened in the summer, now when I walk outside at night in the summer and hear the cicadas and smell night air I start to feel anxious. I also have changed the ring tone on my phone because when I hear it my anxiety peaks. Lately I have turned off the ringer altogether so I chose when to look at it to see if someone has called/text. His behavior has broken my heart numerous times.
I think getting to the point where you can step away and let them suffer is a process. The process is not in a straight line. Some days I am better at it then others. I know that I have done things for my son only to relieve my stress not something I am proud of but at the moment I just needed the stress to end.
Trying- I am sure you will get to where you need to be but it won't happen all at once. We all just do the best we can at the moment.

 

[RN0441]

So true.

We cannot bear to see them suffer, yet that seems to be exactly what they need....

 

[JayPee]

RN
That's so true. I think that's why it's important that we pray for ourselves as well. I remember meeting up with my Pastor and he asked me to pray even half as much for myself as I prayed for my sons. Up until that point, I don't think I had ever thought I should or needed to pray for me. It was always about them.

It is a very hard process and in my opinion nothing I could have done without the grace of God.