We're taking difficult child to psychiatric hospital

[Andy]

Terry, How are you doing this morning? My difficult child's psychiatric hospital was also an hour away. I had not planned the admit that day so came home to pack a bag for him after he was admitted. I packed a bag for myself also and stayed in the town he was at. I think it would have been so hard to be at home that 1st night. I stayed at a hotel in the town every night, got up early every morning, drove home and worked almost full days and drove back every evening for visitation.

About one week into the stay, my difficult child told me that he was sorry that I was missing out on watching him grow up. He felt confidence in the coping skills that he was learning. I hope your difficult child is as open to mine was to learn what the psychiatric hospital has to offer.

My difficult child told me he cried the first night and asked me if I also cried. When I said "yes" it was weird how he seemed to draw strength from that.

Hugs to you as you are going through this. Keep us posted.

 

[busywend]

Terry, I am so sorry it has come to this, but I do believe it is the beginning of some real help for difficult child.

I am confused on the missing only one day of school comment. Is this for a long weekend stay? Or is it admittance until medications are stable? Did they give a time frame?

 

[Christy]

So sorry it has come to this but you have taken a necessary step. I know first hand how difficult it can be. While it should be a time for you to regroup, I found that I did nothing but worry about difficult child. I hope this is a step towards getting the help you need.

I know you've been around the board long enough to read all the warnings about stimulant medications and rage behaviors and I know your difficult child has been on adderall for a while now with beneficial results but I am wondering if you've thought of taking this opportunity to remove it and see how he does. Also wondering how you feel about mood stabalizers?

Sending hugs and support,
Christy

 

[BusynMember]

Terry,
I wish you luck. If it were my kid, I'd push for a neuropsychologist evaluation while he is in there! Good opportunity. THe last thing you need is for him to come out and have little more info than you had going in. (((Hugs))) He will be fine, that take good care of the little ones.

 

[Fran]

Thinking of you this morning. I know those hour visits are shockingly short but he is engaged through out the day and evening.

If this is any consolation, the second admit, difficult child was in a downward spiral and didn't want to go to school. Again. I gave him a choice of hospital or school. He chose hospital so off we went. About 4 hrs later there is a message on my phone. It is difficult child in a whisper saying "mom, I think I made a big mistake". Part of me was sad but part of me had a sense of satisfaction that he got his wish.

Try to remember that this isn't jail and it isn't punishment. It's the painful needs of your son and easy child that you go through this sacrifice. Take it one day at a time. It is exhausting but take this time to rest up. It's your chance to regroup and recharge. Spend lots of time with easy child. Hugs

 

[trinityroyal]

Terry,
This might get your difficult child a diagnosis you can work with, as others have said.
Sorry that you're having to go through this, but this might be the beginning of the journey to get your difficult child the right kind of help.

{{{HUGS}}}

Trinity

 

[ML]

I am praying for your family. I have a really good feeling that good things will result from this. Love, Michele

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you all so much! You are a great support.

Yes, an hr is a long drive, but we were so exhausted we slept well last night.
Andy, that is so sweet.

The psychiatrist called this a.m. (of course, she had a heavy accent, probably Indian, and I had to say "what?" repeatedly) with-difficult child on speaker ph. It was uncomfortable because he wanted to argue about the urinating issues and say that they were old. So I said that urinating in the closet was a cpl yrs ago and he may have been sleepwalking, and that the hairspray bottles were last yr, and that the floor and wall were recent. I kind of worked up to it so he wouldn't interrupt.

Of course the dr wanted to know more about the birth family history. All I know is that the grandparents are divorced and there is some alcoholism and pot use, but I didn't want to say all that in front of difficult child so I told her the divorce part and said I'd like to talk to her in private and that it was on the paperwork if she could look it up. She said fine.

Yesterday the intake person was implying Asperger's but the psychiatric today is thinking bipolar. They are going to do psychological testing today, keeping in mind Asperger's, bipolar and gender identity issues.

Meanwhile, they're giving him klonipin tonight for anxiety and sleep issues. (Another reason she called, to get permission.) That way they can see if he's overly sleepy in the a.m. She wasn't sure about keeping him on the Adderal.

She asked if we had considered any other medications and when difficult child was first diagnosis'd ADHD. I told her he was diagnosis'd about six yrs ago, but has only been on medications for about 3 because my husband is a chiro and very much anti-medication. She asked if he believed in them now and I LOL and said, "Oohhhh, yeah!"

It's great that they are keeping us updated, and it was nice to hear difficult child's voice and tell him that I love him.

Today I'm driving to yet another univ in the state to check it out with-easy child. She hasn't decided on a college/univ yet. I hope we have a good time. We can do lunch and just blow off the afternoon on a tour and girl stuff.

She feels really guilty about being the one to force the issue of getting difficult child hospitalized, that it's her "fault." I told her it's not her fault, but that she was a catalyst and it was a good thing. Her dad and I kept thinking we could handle it all by ourselves because we're the parents and it got too big for us. Plus, difficult child did it himself and all she did was tell someone. What she and we did will be a benefit in the long run. We ALL deserve to be happy.

P.S. I am sorry I am not replying to all of your notes right now--I have to run out the door with-easy child. I will be back to read everything else. Thank you all for your patience.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, one more thing. Yes, he is staying a week. It was originally a MINIMUM of a 5-day stay.

 

[trinityroyal]

Terry, glad to hear that you and easy child are able to get away from the chaos and just have a girls' day out.

Hope easy child finds a college/university to her liking. Your words to her were perfect. She sounds like a great girl with a good head on her shoulders, which should serve her well when entering college.

Hugs to all of you.

Trinity

 

[amazeofgrace]

Terry, still praying, I know last hospital for difficult child II was an hour away, but compared to the previous one which had only been 30 minutes away, it was worth the hour drive!

Praying for progress

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you. We did have a good day. We ran late, got lost, but finally made it. While she did the tour, I found a commons area with-AC and took a nap on the couch! While I was there, our regular child psychiatric called and said he'd spoken to the psychiatrist at the hospital.

Later, around 7:45, husband said difficult child had called. They allowed him a5 min. phone call. He said he didn't like it there (considering that the spent the day being bombarded with-very personal questions, and 2 blood draws, I can see why) and he wants a certain pr of clothes, and a book.
We will see him tomorrow night for one hr.

 

[klmno]

Terry, I know this is hard for you and difficult child, but I think it is good to give a psychiatrist (psychiatrist) a chance to evaluate this and to get difficult child in an environment where he might possibly start to open up about anything going on with him that he isn't comfortable revealing to you just yet. If you can get testing done while he's in there, that would be a big bonus. Not only would the results be beneficial in several ways, but it should lead to some communication between a neuropsychologist and a psychiatrist- obviously, I'm no expert, but I think that will lead you to a better treatment plan, even if it isn't perfect right off the batt.

At the least, maybe husband will come to terms with the fact that this is not a problem that is going to be solved be stims and discipline. I really think this boy needs more help than that- but he can be helped and you are letting things move in a better direction now. So, hang in there- he will be home before you know it!! Make sure you tell them everything that you can to give them insight.

I made that mistake with my son- they said they were not sure of his diagnosis and needed to ask me questions- they ask if anyone in my family had been diagnosis'd bipolar and I said "no", which was true. They asked about depression and I said "yes". Knowing what I know now, I would have elaborated and told them that there is a history of depression and anxiety. Reason being- some are starting to consider BiPolar (BP) as being on a spectrum with depression and anxiety. The result for my son was a diagnosis of depression with a rule-out of BiPolar (BP) (no anxiety mentioned) and put on AD's, which might have caused his worst situation.

I realize that your/your son's situation is entirely different- I just wanted to bring this up as an example of how things can go in a very different direction so easily and how it is so important that the professionals have every fact you can think of. I'm to a point now where I pressure them to sit and listen to more- LOL!!

Keep us posted- you're in my thoughts...

 

[TerryJ2]

Thank you all.
We visited today and it went well. I started another post.
I also spoke with-a friend who has an aspie son and she had lots of good ideas. It was wonderful to talk to someone who understands. And it's wonderful to have you all here.