What do you say? Or do?

[everywoman]

Way To Go Mikey. You have begun the changes you need to make. That is the first step in the process of healing yourself and your family. Sometimes healing comes in strange ways. wife, if she is anything like your say, won't leave. She's just afraid of what will happen to her son if she doesn't "do" things her way. Her love for him are the blinders that keep her from seeing the truth about his addictions. Keep doing what you need to do, regardless of the immediate consequences. Look past tomorrow---look past her anger----look past your own feelings of fear of the what if's. What will happen will happen. You can't control the actions or words of another---only your reactions to them.

 

[susiestar]

Hey Mikey!! (OK, had to say it, just couldn't resist anymore)

Have you read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend? I know you enjoy reading. THis is a wonderful book, there is a workbook with it also. It can help in some ways, hopefully. If nothing else, it may be a reinforcer to what you are learning now.

Hugs,

Susie

ps. My own nerd scifi/fantasy buff hubby found the book incredibly helpful. He had not set a boundary with me or the kids in a LONG time, and it was nice when he started to do so. Took us both a while to react to it appropriately because it was SUCH a new thing for him. But it has made him a stronger person and our marriage happier.

 

[Shari]

Mikey,

My brother got divorced 5 years ago. His baby boy was 2 years old.

His wife started running around when the baby was 3 months old. She wouldn't come home for days at a time. By the time their son was 1, she was pregnant with another man's child. She still lived with my brother. Would come home at 3am and kick him out of the bed so she could have it. But most of that 9 months she wasn't even home.

Yet he clung, ever so tightly, to that dream of the "perfect family". A mom and dad in one house, living together, raising their son. That image is what he couldn't let go of. And so he put up with it for 14 months before he realized that what he wanted so bad was already gone and he had to make a new reality for himself and his son. Once he accepted that, and took that scarey first step, the rest came along relatively painlessly. But for the longest time, he just couldn't see.

I'm not sure why I'm typing this other than it felt relevant for some reason. Sorry if its not. The happy family portrait in your house doesn't seem to include McWeedy right now, at his own choosing. I pray that changes.

Anyway. Kudos to you for respecting yourself, Mikey. And since wife is still around at this point, I guess I'm inclined to think maybe she'll follow suit. And that first step is always the hardest, but have faith. Things will work out in the end.

They always say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Well, welcome to the Hall of Justice, Superman.

Hugs.

 

[Hopeless]

Mikey - I have been reading about your family and I do hope that things get better for all involved.