What do you tell people?

[louise2350]

I haven't spoken to my siblings over my d.d. until a few nights ago. I speak to my brothers now and then and something came up where my nosy niece found out some info regarding the estrangement of my d.d. and myself. I needed to talk to someone so I called one of my brothers and told him what my niece said and how I handled it. I also told my brother about my d.d. and what happened to lead up to this estrangement which is stupid.This brother told me that many times estrangement from a daughter/son is due to some stupid reason. However, that's not always the case. I also spoke to another brother who called me last night about this and other family matters not to do with the d.d. One of my brothers told me my d.d. would someday regret cutting me out of her life. Of course, I did keep some facts to myself over this situation. You can choose to confide in someone other than a therapist over the Disconnected adult child. They don't need to know all of the story - only what you're willing to share. It did take a load off of my shoulders to reveal this to my brothers.

 

[healinginside]

I like the way Brene' Brown addresses this issue, she says,
“Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?" If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky.”

I love this quote! I'm struggling with this issue as my son's friend's are graduating college and establishing careers. I opened up to one friend, but regretted it as she brought it up as we were out to lunch with another friend. I felt so put on the spot but made a joke and laughed it off. I have a daughter and I usually joke to people, "I have one responsible one and one cliff diver" to make him sound like the young, adventurous, traveling soul that he was "before" all of this happened. Sometimes people ask pointed questions and it makes me wonder "Why do you care?" Bc they aren't doing it to be nice or caring. They are doing it to gossip or to make themselves feel better about their own lives and problems. Well, that is not my job I am very private now, will not open up to anyone that it not in my "inner circle", even gloss over stuff to relatives. My mom has passed away and my dad is 79. He was my biggest confidant growing up. I have told him some and he has given excellent advice but I would never lean on him through this because he has been the best dad to me and he deserves peace of mind.

I know as I have aged through the years that I care less about what others think about me. I realize that they're thinking about themselves. All of this has shown me that I still DO care and that frustrates me. I don't want to be in a contest with anyone about whose child turned out the best. I wish all of them the best. The world is a big enough place for everyone.

Thank you again for listening