What do you think the single defining...

[everywoman]

I think all of these fit under the category---the inability to see past immediate wants and desires. That is my difficult child's biggest challenge. He can't see past himself to engage in a healthy relationship with the world. It's all about him, all of the time.

 

[babybear]

All of the above for us too!

Add it all up and the biggest problem we are working on is the inability to plan or even to see a need for planning.

 

[slsh]

I read the first two posts in this thread and had to stop because they *both* are such good points - no ownership and failure to learn from mistakes. I suspect if I read all the posts, I'd have *21* definiting characteristics of gfgdom, LOL.

Tough question (on no coffee)... I think it's changed as thank you's gotten older. At 6-9, it was the sense of entitlement. "I'm allowed to hit/kick/bite/spit when I feel like it because I am *me*". Ditto destruction, disruption. Complete inability to even begin to grasp that it was inappropriate behavior. It was all justified in his mind and therefore no change was needed.

Now? Well... we're hitting a very rough patch with old thank you and this morning probably isn't a good time for me to define him because my first impulse is to say sheer stupidity. I think from a more objective standpoint, it's a continued failure to grasp consequences of his choices, to see how his choices affect himself and others, and the expectation that the adults in his life will clean up his messes or protect him from his choices. It's in my humble opinion a debilitating, disabling thought process.

 

[KTMom91]

For Miss KT, it's the inability to even try to understand how the other person feels. Tammy hit it right on with lack of empathy and lack of reasoning skills.

 

[Shari]

I'm going to answer before I read other posts...
I would have to say lack of ownership ranks right up there, but my big one was difficult child 1 and currently difficult child 2's complete inability to learn from the consequences of their actions...they just don't "get it". They can't make the connection between what they do and what happens because of it.
And I guess ownership and logical consequences are very similar.
And I'm rambling. I'll shut up.

And now that I've read the rest, oh yeah. difficult child's to a t. They all fit. Even orphan mentality for difficult child 1 who still desperately "wants a family" (so what the heck does that make me????)

 

[Star*]

I think this would make an awesome poll BUT.....I would have to see the age along with it.

If you had asked me at 6-12 i would have said: Can't own behaviors

if you ask me today at 17 i would say CAN NOT learn from mistakes....argh

 

[DammitJanet]

Star...so true. Some things that were just bothersome or irritating when they were young and now really huge problems when they are grown.

A toddler or preschooler who tantrums or even steals a candy bar isnt all that unusual but when you have a 21 year old who acts like a 4 year old when he doesnt get his way and steals everything not nailed down...well...its a whole nother story!

 

[GinAndTonic]

Aggression and a lousy impulse control.

 

[trinityroyal]

What a thought-provoking post. I am hard pressed to select just one defining characteristic.

I would have to say that at the top of the list is narcissism, followed very closely by lack of ownership, sense of entitlement, impulse control issues, and a complete inability to learn from mistakes.

Busywend, I really like your expression Resistant to parenting. I think that sums up a lot of difficult child's issues so very clearly. It was an A-ha moment for me too.

Trinity

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Wow One thing is impossible to say. It also varies day to day with each difficult child. I think that in and of it self can be the way to describe them. You can't put one description on them because no matter what you see one day will be different the next but always on the difficult side. I can relate to almost all the descriptions previously given. So I think it is the everchanging emotional unbalance with a side of everything else.

Beth