What is wrong with me?

[AppleCori]

Hi Okie,

I just wanted to say that you aren't choosing between your son and your husband.
You are choosing your life, your sanity, your health, your peace, your happiness.

Your son has chosen his life. You have no choice in the matter.

It's time to focus on you.

 

[Copabanana]

There is no way for you to feel you are loving and accepting right now unless you are willing to love, and accept, the immorality at the heart of your son's current choices.

How is that I am the fall guy? I fall apart when he does not come through with a small thing. And then, with that, I become the offender.

I guess it is because he is always scanning the environment for helpers, and never to help. Except maybe to say the words, let me help, while he has his hands out and walks the other way. And to offend in his world is very easy. It is to say, No. Stop , the theater, I am tired of it.

We protect our kids from the way we feel about the things they do by turning those feelings onto ourselves.

Yes. I am a good mother as long as I eat it. I am a bad mother when I say, even to myself, this is making me feel sick. I am sick.

those feelings we turn onto ourselves to protect our kids break down barriers erected for us to survive what happened to us in our dysfunctional families of origin.

Yes. This morning I was rushing around late for the doctor. I thought of the first sentence of a memoir, about my mother.

It was something like this: When I was already old I came to accept that I had feared loving my whole life because I had been betrayed by the one I had loved most of all, my mother.

I know it is a convoluted sentence. It brings tears to my eyes.

COPA

 

[okie girl]

Hi Okie,

I just wanted to say that you aren't choosing between your son and your husband.
You are choosing your life, your sanity, your health, your peace, your happiness.

Your son has chosen his life. You have no choice in the matter.

It's time to focus on you.

Thank you Apple...I hadn't thought of it like that. This makes me look at this differently. You are right, I am choosing to live my life. I have no control over my son's life. If I did, it would be the opposite of what he has done..(((Hugs)))

 

[okie girl]

How is that I am the fall guy? I fall apart when he does not come through with a small thing. And then, with that, I become the offender.

I guess it is because he is always scanning the environment for helpers, and never to help. Except maybe to say the words, let me help, while he has his hands out and walks the other way. And to offend in his world is very easy. It is to say, No. Stop , the theater, I am tired of it.
Yes. I am a good mother as long as I eat it. I am a bad mother when I say, even to myself, this is making me feel sick. I am sick.
Yes. This morning I was rushing around late for the doctor. I thought of the first sentence of a memoir, about my mother.

It was something like this: When I was already old I came to accept that I had feared loving my whole life because I had been betrayed by the one I had loved most of all, my mother.

I know it is a convoluted sentence. It brings tears to my eyes.

COPA

Oh Copa....I wish there were words I could say to take your tears away. I hope your doctor's appointment went well. I know my health goes down when I am upset with my son. Take care of yourself because we know our Difficult Child's aren't going to be there if we need help. (((Hugs)))