Ugh, how do you cope when Daddy's the clear favorite and you are a distant second?
My 4 are all adults. My 2 eldest are 31 and 30. Both of them clearly ADORE their Dad while barely tolerating me. I know the reason for it is that I was the disciplinarian in the family when they were growing up. Not that I wanted this role, but that he was totally uninvolved, his choice. In fact, more than once he ordered me (in front of the child) to take our discussion out of the room because I was disturbing his tv show.
So not only did he not discipline the kids, but he disciplined ME in front of them when I was trying to do the job. This was such a regular thing that I ended up walking on eggshells when I knew that something had to be addresssed. He would become angry at me for trying to do my job with the kids and straighten them out. So it would end up that I would be disciplined by him and it made me extremely stressed.
I cannot tell my kids that my husband has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me throughout our marriage. I actually thought this was the "norm" - to be forced into having sex that this was my "duty" as a wife. Recently, I learned that this was a form of abuse. Also, he is disrespectful to me but never in front of them. It makes it even more difficult to deal with the fact that he is revered and put on a pedestal by them, knowing that he is not the saint they feel he is.
But that aside, my life's goal was to raise children, I felt that I wanted that as a career. So I was a stay at home mommy to them, devoted everything to them and did my best for them. At the ages they are now, I feel they barely tolerate me. Of course, I make mistakes sometimes, we all do, and they are not at all forgiving. They jump at the slightest indiscretion, criticizing me, putting me down. Attacking my faults, my personality. I feel so much a lesser person. I try to engage them in conversation, try to get together for a lunch date and occasionally they humor me, but I feel that we don't have a connection, it feels like a business lunch.
I made a lot of trips to the seamstress when my daughter was getting her wedding dress altered. We had to meet there since coming from different directions - about an hour drive for me. The first couple of times, I treated her to lunch afterwards, but after that she would beg off. Once saying that she wanted to go visit a friend (but why couldn't she do that afterwards?) like she "always" does after the fittings. I would end up stopping for fast food before the drive back. I felt so sad that visiting the friend was her little ritual and took precedence over getting together for lunch with Mom - now the wedding is over, so we won't ever do this again.
Anyway, I'm having trouble coping with their behavior toward me. I'm feeling resentment toward my husband for being on this pedestal. And my relationship is wearing thin with the girls. Anyone have this issue in their family and if so, how do you cope?
My two younger kids are a daughter and son. My younger daughter loves us both equally, that is apparent. My son does side with me, clearly my husband never really encouraged a relationship with him as he did with the girls. Perhaps he has more of a need for any type of female adoration? Not sure!
Please help!
My 4 are all adults. My 2 eldest are 31 and 30. Both of them clearly ADORE their Dad while barely tolerating me. I know the reason for it is that I was the disciplinarian in the family when they were growing up. Not that I wanted this role, but that he was totally uninvolved, his choice. In fact, more than once he ordered me (in front of the child) to take our discussion out of the room because I was disturbing his tv show.
So not only did he not discipline the kids, but he disciplined ME in front of them when I was trying to do the job. This was such a regular thing that I ended up walking on eggshells when I knew that something had to be addresssed. He would become angry at me for trying to do my job with the kids and straighten them out. So it would end up that I would be disciplined by him and it made me extremely stressed.
I cannot tell my kids that my husband has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me throughout our marriage. I actually thought this was the "norm" - to be forced into having sex that this was my "duty" as a wife. Recently, I learned that this was a form of abuse. Also, he is disrespectful to me but never in front of them. It makes it even more difficult to deal with the fact that he is revered and put on a pedestal by them, knowing that he is not the saint they feel he is.
But that aside, my life's goal was to raise children, I felt that I wanted that as a career. So I was a stay at home mommy to them, devoted everything to them and did my best for them. At the ages they are now, I feel they barely tolerate me. Of course, I make mistakes sometimes, we all do, and they are not at all forgiving. They jump at the slightest indiscretion, criticizing me, putting me down. Attacking my faults, my personality. I feel so much a lesser person. I try to engage them in conversation, try to get together for a lunch date and occasionally they humor me, but I feel that we don't have a connection, it feels like a business lunch.
I made a lot of trips to the seamstress when my daughter was getting her wedding dress altered. We had to meet there since coming from different directions - about an hour drive for me. The first couple of times, I treated her to lunch afterwards, but after that she would beg off. Once saying that she wanted to go visit a friend (but why couldn't she do that afterwards?) like she "always" does after the fittings. I would end up stopping for fast food before the drive back. I felt so sad that visiting the friend was her little ritual and took precedence over getting together for lunch with Mom - now the wedding is over, so we won't ever do this again.
Anyway, I'm having trouble coping with their behavior toward me. I'm feeling resentment toward my husband for being on this pedestal. And my relationship is wearing thin with the girls. Anyone have this issue in their family and if so, how do you cope?
My two younger kids are a daughter and son. My younger daughter loves us both equally, that is apparent. My son does side with me, clearly my husband never really encouraged a relationship with him as he did with the girls. Perhaps he has more of a need for any type of female adoration? Not sure!
Please help!
