When My Mother Stopped Enabling Me....

[GStorm]

Great accomplishment. It is good to know you are on your own. I have struggled with not helping my son. At times, I want to put it all on him, but I have to be realistic and own my own behavior for helping him out in emergencies. I am 61 years old. My son has now moved to another state. I
had co-signed a car with him, so I am still struggling with that, monitoring when he has paid it, etc. Lately my blood pressure has been going up and I have been feeling irritable & I know that it is because of the situation I am in with my son. He promises me he will call, always GETTING READY to do something, etc. The last time I talked to him I told him that I have to keep on him about the car because it is in my name & I get upset when he does not do what he is suppose to do. Will there be an improvement? Only time will tell. I know that for me, I have to start taking care of me & quit worrying about him. Time will tell. The other thing that I get so angry about is that he is clueless, (or acts clueless) about all of this. So when I speak to him, it's like: "Hi Mom, how's it going?" I need to REALLY let him know how it is going. Will things improve? I do not know. He may think I am just trying to throw guild his way. But, hey, why not?

 

[in a daze]

Thanks BbutB. Our guy's 31. We have been paying the rent only. He never asks us for money. He relapsed three weeks ago and turned down sober living so we told him to pay his rent( which he can't afford, since he works part time) He has a big tax refund coming, which would cover 2 months rent. And of course, there is a problem with it. He entered the wrong routing number for the bank so the check will be mailed. And even though he had entered his current address, he spent the entire day in a panic thinking that they were going to send his check to his former residence and that it would be stolen ( although how it could be cashed without an ID? ) (In case you're wondering, he sent us the letter...he's telling the truth). And because he was in a panic, and he has severe ADHD, which can't be medicated because he's abused the medications in the past and they never really helped him much anyway, he forgot his therapy appointment, despite all his phone and Alexa notifications that he has set up to compensate for his executive function weaknesses.

He's got so many issues that we are now thinking that he will be forever dependent. He's supposed to sign up for intensive outpatient which is five days a week. Another reason he can't pick up extra income. Although he's reluctant, despite his relapse episodes and severe social anxiety.

I'm calling the social service agency Monday. Maybe they can get him a cheaper place to live.

I feel very badly that he is still not independent.