Annie, I think this is divine intervention.
The fact that you were able to learn that he is somewhere, and that somewhere is a place that he had to make a plan, get some resources, and get himself there should be a good wake-up call for you.
He is resourceful. He can survive. He is moving forward in his own fashion.
in my humble opinion, I wish my son would go somewhere else, instead of right here. I think right here is not a good place for him to be, and it's not good for me for him to be here, right in my small town.
I wish he would get on a plane for Hawaii. It would be a change. It would be something different and it might set a whole chain of different events into action.
Annie, I hope you can lean into this situation. Lean in, take a deep breath, release your precious son to the Universe and to your Higher Power and say to yourself: Well okay, he is moving forward in his life. Now, it's time for me to move forward in my life.
And then, assemble your toolbox and make your plan for yourself for today, for this week. Set aside time in your day to work on YOU. Al-Anon meetings, books, meditation, prayer, exercise, calling a friend for dinner, buying some flowers at the grocery store, sitting in silence, taking a nap, writing on this forum...all of these are tools to nurture yourself and to start creating the new ways of thinking and the new neural pathways RE talks about to change yourself.
To start focusing on your one life---the only life you have any control over---and to let your adult grown son go.
Warm Hugs. Keep talking to us. We care, and we get it. This is the natural order of things. Our adult children go out into the world, we wish them well, we hope they are enjoying the warm waters, sunshine and beaches of Hawaii, and making their own way in their own lives to a good and happy place. It's entirely up to them.
And then, after we wave goodbye with a smile, we turn around and walk back into our houses, put some music on, have a glass of wine, take a deep breath and go on. It's our time now.