Where there any signs or you where blindsided?

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I had very early warning signs that told me Bart was going to be a handful. He was a good baby for a year. At Eighteen months we were at a park and he was climbing the monkey bars. A small girl was right behind him. He looked down, smiled, and stomped on her hand on purpose. He laighed when she screamed. The mother yelled at him. I was mortified and kept spologizing.

This behavior contined until I sought help. He stopped hurting other kids, which he never admitted he did, but he loved to cause mischief at school. He was in the gifted classes, Most of his friends were kids who struggled in school. He'd quickly finish his work than proceed to talk to, pass notes to, and crack jokes to the rest of his class. His teacher in fifth grade didnt like him.

I was constantly called to school.

In sixth grade his best friend dared him to open his zipper to a passing car. He did it. it was his sixth grade teacher. You cant make this stuff up.

He developed school phobia in high school and faked sicknes as often as he could. His grades fell to Bs and Cs. It was still good enough to be accepted into college, and he did very well on hisbACT and SAT tests, but during his first year his mental illness popped out in all its glory. He was on SSI for a while and it was common to have to take him to ER. He had the worst case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) I ever saw, and I often hang with those who are mentally ill, trying to help and encourage the young ones.

Bart thrived late, but a really good psychologist really helped him and he did thrive by his nearly middle 20s (24 or so). He is much better now, but still has severe anxiety issues, won't get help (or makes excuses why he cant) and remains often childish and difficult to get along with. Fortunately I usually know how to handle him and we are close

Princess was quiet and shy and I didnt see the drug abuse coming. She was always very sweet, even while using drugs. I not only didn't see this coming, but I had lost hope for her by the time she left home, yet she tricked me again, in a very good way. After six years of hell, she turned it around and went to college with grants and lians and working...she had always worked, eve on drugs. So I misjudged her twice.

I never dreamed Goneboy would shun us and to this day I strongly believe that it never would have happened if he had married a nicer woman. I think he was so taken with her, she was more important than us.

On the very positive side, I never ever thought Sonic would do so well in life, to the point nobody would ever guess he is on the spectrum. And Jumper, who was so riddled with Learning Disability (LD) problems, she could not read at eight years old. Both responded so well to school interventions. Jumper will graduate from law enforcement next year. I did not think Sonic would be capable of working and doing do well at work. I did not know that Jumper would like learning enough to go to college AND work at.the same time AND get good grades. Academics never came easy to her, but she is not a quitter. Nor is Sonic.

Anyway...

The moral of my story is that what they are like as children doesn't mean they won't change as teens and adults.
 

Tanya M

Living with an attitude of gratitude
Staff member
Our son was such a good baby and a real joy until he hit 12, that is when I started seeing the signs. He became so defiant. It didn't matter what we asked him to do he would whine and complain. He started ditching school, smoking pot, sneaking out of the house, etc......
We weren't blindsided. We saw it coming head on and we tried everything to try and get him to see that he was heading down a road that had no future.
He's now 34 and a pot farmer. Not the life I had hoped for him but it's his life.
:crazy2:
 
I knew early. When your 4 year old punches you in the face because you parked in the wrong spot (he couldn't see the sign he was trying to look at)...you know you have a tough road ahead. What I didn't expect was that he wouldn't get better. I didn't expect that medications and therapy would not "cure" him. I didn't expect him to be stuck in the same behavior cycles at 20 as he was at 12.
 

Albatross

Well-Known Member
It is very interesting to read these. They are all so different, yet so many common characteristics. I find myself wondering as I read them, just like I do with mine, "When did things turn?"

My son was a dream of a kid for his first 12 years. Top of his class in grades, selected for honors and academic talent searches, etc. When he was in kindergarten he would put the blower in the back of his little electric Jeep and go door to door to blow off porches so he could save money for a go-kart. One day the lawnmower wouldn't start and I (jokingly) told him I would give him $100 toward the go kart if he could fix the lawnmower. The next time we were at the library he found a book about lawnmowers, got the librarian to read him a repair flowchart, came home and fixed the carburetor.

When he was 13 his mood changed from sunny and sociable to dour and very much a loner. He threw tantrums and was very difficult to be around. He dyed his hair black, but we let it go so we could "pick our battles." His moodiness we first attributed to "normal teenage stuff," then tried counseling and medications, but he would not engage with the counselor and would either misuse or refuse to take the medications. If we insisted on drug testing or Breathalyzers, he would find ways to beat them. It was obvious he was impaired on something; searches of his room turned up technically legal "fake" pot or over-the-counter stuff that would induce hallucinations if taken in large quantities. If we confronted him on his drug use, he would leave and stay with friends, then try to set conditions for his return.

Despite his bad grades, he still tested well and earned early entrance to college when he was a junior in high school. He needed transportation to get to class, so we bought him a motorcycle. Near the end of the semester, we found out he had failed every college class. He never attended. He left at the time he should leave to make it to class, then drove to the woods and got high or slept.

I think that was the first time it hit me that he would be willing to actively deceive us. Since that time he has stolen from us many times, lied about his whereabouts many times, totaled the car, and destroyed our property.

I could go on. Looking back on it all, I feel like I am living a life that can't possibly be mine. I haven't been blindsided by any of it for years, but I sure was when he changed so abruptly. We still have no idea what caused it.
 
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ColleenB

Active Member
We were completely blindsided. He was the easiest baby, toddler, child. He did very well in school all the way through, top academics and sports. Captain of his teams, sportsmanship awards, MVPs... You name it. We really though he was a level headed, mature kid. We never had to push him, he wanted to do well. Easy going, likeable.... Sigh

When he quit half way through his first year of university, we thought it was a "stage". It has now been three attempts at university, drugs, depression, anxiety, anger, money problems.... Even dealing drugs at one point. We have been devestated.

He has now moved out, finally. But he works under the table for a garage, has very little money, looks homeless. It's very hard. Ours dreams for him have completely changed. I just want him alive, supporting himself and not dealing drugs. How different from his graduation four years ago.
 

Endeaver

New Member
We were completely blindsided. He was the easiest baby, toddler, child. He did very well in school all the way through, top academics and sports. Captain of his teams, sportsmanship awards, MVPs... You name it. We really though he was a level headed, mature kid. We never had to push him, he wanted to do well. Easy going, likeable.... Sigh

When he quit half way through his first year of university, we thought it was a "stage". It's very hard. Ours dreams for him have completely changed. I just want him alive, supporting himself and not dealing drugs. How different from his graduation four years ago.

Colleen, I feel like I have such a similar experience. Supportive thoughts and prayers to you (and all on this site)
 

mof

Momdidntsignupforthis
no kidding when you look back just a few years and think wow....hate where our children are. I left a happy kid at school a year ago...but signs were there.

Always labeled as nervous child, severe Ibs...never suggested mental help. When your kid has a panic attack while hiking with family....whew, laughs about it that he needs medications to enter woods...

I asked him last night if he thinks he hit rock bottom...He was clinically dead. He said he wasn't sure...He said he hears so many worse stories..but wants his sobriety, but has growing up to do. I never in o w what the next chapter will look like.

Friend lost her brother to addiction, enjoy the good times, endure the bad and know you can't do much more. In the end your life is yours...yes, our hearts will always hurt....but with any grief, we need to keep moving forward on our own path

Much love and hugs to all of the hurting hearts..tears again...
 

A dad

Active Member
no kidding when you look back just a few years and think wow....hate where our children are. I left a happy kid at school a year ago...but signs were there.

Always labeled as nervous child, severe Ibs...never suggested mental help. When your kid has a panic attack while hiking with family....whew, laughs about it that he needs medications to enter woods...

I asked him last night if he thinks he hit rock bottom...He was clinically dead. He said he wasn't sure...He said he hears so many worse stories..but wants his sobriety, but has growing up to do. I never in o w what the next chapter will look like.

Friend lost her brother to addiction, enjoy the good times, endure the bad and know you can't do much more. In the end your life is yours...yes, our hearts will always hurt....but with any grief, we need to keep moving forward on our own path

Much love and hugs to all of the hurting hearts..tears again...
Life of such kids really break my heart they live their life in constant fear a thing nobody should ever live with and some of them find a drug that takes it away making that drug a immediate addiction. Your son tries but until he overcomes that fear that grips him he will not overcome his addiction. As he said he has a lot of growing up to do.
 

mof

Momdidntsignupforthis
A dad....He really doesn't want to be homeless, so that may be what is driving him. He says he was really as crazy as he thought..He likes his medications..says they are calming and mellow him out.

I do believe he would be dead if he wasn't found....but they self medicate with depressive for depression. He said he felt a deep spiral. Instead of explaining to us at that time...He made an appointment with a counselor...but they had a two week wait....He didn't have two weeks.

If only he had been honest..
 
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