Why did I have this kid?

[Tiredof33]

My 40yo son is out to drive me crazier. He went no contact with me for about 5 years when I refused to give him money to fuel his drug habit. I know he was living on the streets.

His druggie girlfriend committed suicide and he contacted me. I was glad and so worried he would kill himself.

Next, he was living with a special needs friend, still always asked me for money. Then, I guess he moved a woman and her 3 kids in with the special needs couple and their kids. They had no place to live.

They had a fight with the couple they were living with. It was too many blankety blank people in a tiny home! I gave him money for a place to stay. I knew nothing about the new woman and her kids of course.

Now, a year later, for some reason the woman has quit her job. Who would have guessed, right??

I have given them so much money, and I have turned down so many requests for money. I'm so tired of him, them. I feel for the kids, but I'm not getting sucked in again. I was also trying to visit to take them out to eat, pick them up for holidays and gifts for the kids Christmas and birthday. They think I'm rich and I'm not. My son just sent me a frantic text AGAIN that he needs to **borrow** $200 today or they will be on the street.

I have given them so much since July, I can't again. It's so hard to stay strong, it's easier to give him the money just to get him off my back.

My heavens above, he will never have a stable life.

 

[Elsi]

Tired, I just wanted to say...I hear you. And understand. They think we have endless resources, don’t they? I don’t have any words of wisdom tonight. Just commiseration. (((Hugs)))

 

[Nature]

Hugs to you as well, as I can almost hear the frustration in your voice via reading the post. So difficult watching our adult children crash and burn and we are the bystanders watching it unfold.Feeling powerless. They seek us out only to ask for money and please don't beat up yourself about it as I too have given money when I KNEW it was the worst thing I could have done at the time. In those times, I was too overwhelmed, too tired to stand firm and say NO when other times just like yourself I was able to stay firm. It's why looking after yourself is the most important thing as that allows you to gain strength and stay true to yourself and your values.
It's how you get your power back.

No one is here to judge and I have a suspicion you are sometimes beating yourself up because yup sometimes we are so darn tired it's easier to hand it over than have to deal with the drama. You know yourself the right answer to this.

I remember when my son was a newborn and was laying deathly ill in the hospital and I didn't leave his side for the first two weeks - praying he'd survive. I often would think of that time in my lowest moments when I saw my son on the streets. What if? I would ask myself. I wouldn't now be enduring this pain. I can understand your questioning and yearning for a better life but sadly we have enough lemons to open up a national chain. We can drive ourselves zany by asking the What ifs? Hang in there - we are here to support you.

 

[Tanya M]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You already know that giving him money will not help him and it's only a temporary fix until the next crisis when he will ask for more money. You are the only one who can stop this cycle. You can only do what you can live with.
For me, I finally came to a place where I will no longer fund my son's dysfunction. I have worked to hard for what I have and I plan to retire someday. I will not give away my hard earned savings to a son who is ungrateful.
((HUGS))