So, it's been almost three weeks since we talked briefly with Josh, after he was recognized by someone who saw my FB posts and gave him her phone. Despite our asking that he meet with us, he would not agree to do that or tell us where we could find him. He said he would call that night or the next day, but we've heard nothing. My FB posts are still being seen and acknowledged, but I know that people have short attention spans and are busy with their own lives. At this point, I don't know what else I can do. Part of me wants to just stop trying and just get on with my life; the other part of me is terrified that if I stop trying to find him and help him, that we will miss out on his finally getting clean and sober and getting some stability in his life. I have no idea where he is or if he's safe, and I don't know if I'll ever see him again. I don't know what else I can do from this point.
Wondering where I go from here
- Thread starter Beta
- Start date
newstart
Well-Known Member
My deepest prayers are that you will get the answers you are looking for. Answers that will give you deep peace. Josh got your message, he knows you care and love him dearly. You have done way more than most people would do to keep connected, he knows this also. Prayers that he comes around soon and you all can be united. I hear your deep heart ache and wish so much that things would get better.
Newstart,
Thank you for your kind, compassionate words and prayers. Yes, you are right on both counts: It was a blessing to be able to communicate to him during that brief phone conversation that we want to help and are here and we love him. I needed to know that he knows that, or it would have haunted me. And...my heart hurts and always will.
Thank you for your kind, compassionate words and prayers. Yes, you are right on both counts: It was a blessing to be able to communicate to him during that brief phone conversation that we want to help and are here and we love him. I needed to know that he knows that, or it would have haunted me. And...my heart hurts and always will.
lovemysons
Well-Known Member
I’m so sorry beta that you are hurting tonight. Be still. Pray. God hears.
And your son truly does know you would move heaven and earth for him.
I was thinking about you just today.
Praying.
Love,
LMS
And your son truly does know you would move heaven and earth for him.
I was thinking about you just today.
Praying.
Love,
LMS
lovemysons
Well-Known Member
Beta…I said a heartfelt prayer for your precious son tonight.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Beta. I think it's a fantasy when we think we can move on without wondering, hoping, and caring. They are our children. They never stop being our children. They will always be our children.
On the other hand, Josh has to do something, to be open to help, form a relationship, become clean and sober, or even connect. . We don't know if that will be tomorrow, next week, or next year. But you can't do it alone.
If it were me I would try to stay engaged with the helpful and caring people that have tried to help. I would develop these relationships on Facebook and even by phone, or meeting them. Because every single one of those people represent potential relationships with Josh, and eyes on him. Smiles. Watching over him. Watching out for him.
Maybe at some point you and your husband would go out to Arizona and be able to meet some of them. That is NOT nothing. That is something. Josh would hear about it. He would know.
That is so valuable.
After all these years on this forum I am talking on the phone or texting with my son a couple times a week. He wants my help but it is not help, that i want to give. He wants help on his terms, not mine. My son needs mental health treatment. He needs to accept housing, even if it is not the type he wants. I just keep repeating this like a broken record. I have no real assurance he will ever listen to me. in a way we are in the same place. But trying is something. We try for ourselves.
Look at those parents of hostages in Gaza. Not one of those parents knows their child will come home, and whether they will be whole people, and ever be able to function or recover. We are NOT the only people in life that deal with not knowing what will be. Life is hard.
But the thing is Beta, you have to look in the mirror and see what you're capable of. I am barely capable of talking to my son. But I don't think we can turn away either, not long-term. But I turned away a long, long time. Because I could not take it. We are worth saving, too.
MommaTried24
Active Member
I feel the exact same way Copa. I'm praying that Josh will grow tired of where he is in life and reach out for help Beta.
Beta, I am glad that you got to speak briefly with Josh 3 weeks ago. That might be all he can handle right now. I hope that you find some peace. I believe he knows that you love him. I think posting on FB helps you and may be helpful for him in the long run. But give yourself time just for you and your life, too. I know that is easier said than done somedays.
LetGo
Copa,
Thank you for your thoughts. What you said about continuing to engage with people who have been helpful is what I've been thinking about, just haven't been sure how to go about it. I still have each text and FB message from most of those who commented. I just haven't been able to figure out what to say. Since Josh doesn't want to be "found" and doesn't want our help right now, what can I ask of them, other than prayer? Many reached out to say they were praying. Some have their own family member or child who is on the streets.
I am so glad for you that you have regular contact with your son. I know that's both a good thing and a hard thing because your desires and his desires are so far apart from one another. I will pray that God will work to change his outlook to see the value in what you're saying to him about housing and treatment. I agree that trying is something we do for ourselves as well as our child. Whenever I'm doing something that feels like action or helping, it gives some sense of hope I think. To not do that is to give up hope it seems to me.
I was just praying for the hostages last night; I think there are about 128 left. I have only a vague idea of the fear and horror they are experiencing on behalf of their loved ones, especially the children and the infant. What we're going through pales in comparison.
That's my prayer too. I don't understand the willingness to live as he does, as many like him, do.I feel the exact same way Copa. I'm praying that Josh will grow tired of where he is in life and reach out for help Beta.
I need God's peace right now. I'm asking Him to show me what I'm supposed to do--keep trying, or wait and pray, or...?
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Just tell anybody that, which is the truth. Just like you tell us. Write from the heart. You know your pain. Other people's pain is just the same. That is what we learn from each other. I understand and feel your pain because it is my pain. And vice versa.
The truth to say is what you tell us:
My son does not yet want to be found. My love for him is endless. My worry never ever eases. You could tell a facebook friend. I feel closer to Josh when I write to you. I feel like if you were to see him, and smile at him, it would be a way for me to feel close.The only way. I am not asking for anything, just that you hold Josh in your heart.
All of those plus get yourself involved in something that brings you joy!
LetGo
I like that. Thank you. Sometimes I don't know how to articulate what I feel.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Beta!!!! You ALWAYS articulate to us clearly and movingly what you feel. Why would you say that!!!??? Love, Copa
Copa,
Thanks for saying that. I guess I just meant that sometimes I don't know how to best word things such as the potential follow up FB post. By the way, I just took what you suggested and made a post of it on the FB sites I had posted previously. Thanks again for your help in figuring just how to say it.
Thanks for saying that. I guess I just meant that sometimes I don't know how to best word things such as the potential follow up FB post. By the way, I just took what you suggested and made a post of it on the FB sites I had posted previously. Thanks again for your help in figuring just how to say it.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
You are welcome.
I totally get where you're coming from. I had a friend go through something similar, and it was really tough feeling like you’re running out of options. One thing that helped them was reaching out to local support groups and organizations that deal with similar issues—they had a lot of resources and advice. Maybe connecting with those could give you some new leads or strategies. And remember to take care of yourself, too. It’s easy to get consumed by trying to help someone else, but your own well-being is important as well.
