SWOT....
This is very indirectly related. It's a question I've pondered a long time. Would like to get your opinion.
Years ago, I had a close friend who hurt my feelings by being loud and inappropriate in a restaurant. She said something bizarre and actually used a term that many would consider vulgar having to do with s e x. She was a little mad and a little heated. She was not yelling, but her voice was raised. Something triggered her...I can only speculate...I don't really know. BIZARRE is an understatement.
She did not use that term at me...she did not call me this word. BUT, it is big time, not a word one says loudly in public. I wish I could type it out here, but I'm almost certain I would be censored. Because this word would be considered vulgar by almost everyone and it was said on the loud side, and she was definitely on the grouchy side with a slightly raised voice and demeaner, plus with this nasty word thrown in the mix, people turned around and stared at us.
I was upset. Later, I called her and told her that I was upset. I was embarrassed and freaked out. We were in a quaint restaurant...almost stereotypical "ladies" restaurant where they serve little sandwiches. In close quarters. When I look back on it, it is a little funny. At the time... SOOOO NOT funny. Bizarre as heck.
What bothered me EVEN MORE, is she laughed at me. She said "oh, so what!" Certainly, no apology.
I get it. I see her point. Now, many years later, I kind of see it a little better. BUT, she was totally inappropriate and I took the time, to tell her my truth. It hurt my feelings. She was rude and inappropriate. I felt bad. I understand it wasn't her intention. I understand I shouldn't be overly concerned what others think. I understand that these things are most important. BUT, shouldn't she as MY FRIEND, also understand that if I tell her straight out, you (likely inadvertently) hurt my feelings, need to apologize??
In retrospect, I don't think this was a good reason to end the friendship, which I did. It was baggage left over from an abusive father who certainly never apologized for his bad behaviors.
BUT, at the same time, I don't think it was ok either. So....in my humble opinion, one of those weird things in life. So, if I feel I'm right, but accidentally hurt someone, or feel they are over reacting, I TRY today to say something like "That wasn't my intention. I'm sorry you feel that way or I seem to have cause you upset." I don't know. Live and learn. But, I'm curious to see what you think.
Side note: Over a decade later, we are friendly again. Not like before, but definitely friendly.