17 yr old son doing drugs, hanging w members of a gang in NY

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by defiantchild, Dec 22, 2015.

  1. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Difficult Child -

    I am glad to see that you are gathering ideas for your son. The NY Times had an article the other day that said some parts of Manhattan might actually be cheaper than Brooklyn! My daughter is living communally in Brooklyn as part of a volunteer group She loves the area and it's still reasonably priced. She previously lived in Astoria and loved it there - very cool music and restaurant scenes.

    It's hard when they won't listen. I just found out the my third son failed the one and only class he was taking at community college. I'm not sending him back and he is going to be getting a job. I am tired of throwing money away.
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  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Svenghandi, she is not difficult child- you got that spell check thingee with D C (not separated)
    Defiant, Sven has good information coming from your "neck of the woods".
    Good luck with your research and I will hope and pray for your sons enthusiasm and buy in.
    Keep your chin up and fight the good fight, fellow sister warrior....take good care of YOU!
    Sorry Sven for your heartache with your boy, UGH. I am glad your daughter is doing well.......
  3. defiantchild

    defiantchild Member

    Hi Svengandhi,

    Sorry about your son....makes sense that he should go and work if he's not succeeding at school. I know it's hard on you, though. Very discouraging. Glad your daughter is doing well.
    Thanks for the info about Manhattan/Astoria/Brooklyn. Happy and healthy New Year:)
  4. defiantchild

    defiantchild Member

    Always nice to hear your words of wisdom and support Leafy! Thank you:)

    Difficult Child got up and went to work this morning!! He was up before me and ready to go. Since we took his driving privileges away (since he totaled the car) I drove him to the train and watched him from the car to make sure he got on the train to the city. One day at a time.....xo
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  5. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    YAY! Every good thing, is a triumph for you and him. Awesome.
    Yes indeed, one day, even one hour, one minute at a time........sending good vibes and remembering Viktor Frankl "aiming above the target, projecting positive outcome for the spark in our d cs, finding their meaning and purpose.......this does not mean we are naive, just hopeful that our kids will get it, one day........
  6. defiantchild

    defiantchild Member

    Leafy, the craziest thing happened a little while ago...I was working at my desk in my office. Clearing up the mess of papers. I uncovered a book that I put on my desk a couple of weeks ago - a gift that someone mysteriously sent me. .....well, until today, i really didn't have the time to even think about it. You won't believe the book, I was amazed!!!! "Man's search for Meaning" by none other than VICTOR FRANKL!!!! I was blown away!! Then I realized who it must have come from. My rabbi's wife. I know it was her. She is an incredible young woman (I think she's only in her early 30's). I immediately sent her an email telling her this story and asking if it as her who sent the book. I'm still waiting for her reply. I am still in shock over this coincidence. There has to be something very powerful here. Especially since I spent the day yesterday reading about and trying to understand Socratic dialogue. Which appears to be the best sort of therapeutic technique I've ever come across for my son. Thanks to you, and Copa for enlightening me about Victor Frankl. And now this book. Unbelievable.
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  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    WOW! I do believe in miracles and the powerful connection in everything. Unbelievable is RIGHT! Goosebumps.......
    Copa mentioned FAITH, and it is true, have faith, dear friend, things will be okay.
    Thank you for sharing this, it made my day!
  8. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Defiant, I have been wondering how you are and how things are going with your son?

    What did he decide? What did you decide? What is going on?

    I hope all of you are doing well. What happened in court?

    Take care.

  9. defiantchild

    defiantchild Member

    Hi Copa,

    Thank you so much for your concern. We were away on a family vacation out of the country with very limited internet access. I tried to reply to your post, but it appears it never went through.

    I need time to collect my thoughts and write to you. I feel completely overwhelmed with work that's piled up since I've been away and decisions that must be made regarding Difficult Child.

    I will be in touch soon. You are incredibly thoughtful and kind for reaching out to me.

  10. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Me too, the latter.

    My son showed up at my door 2 nights ago. We are dealing with it but I was already overwhelmed with my own life.

    I am glad you checked in.

  11. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    How are you and Son doing, Defiant? If you can spare a minute, let us know. I am wondering what path you and he decided upon. He seems to have so many gifts.
    It is 4 months and one week since my son showed up at my door. I had lost track of the time until I looked back at this thread. He was gone from my home (except for a day or two at a time) for over 4 years.

    We have since bought a fixer upper house for him to live in, and he is helping my significant other remodel it. He is back and forth to my house.

    He is clearly changing for the better but the relationship is still difficult and challenging for me. While having him close satisfies something deep inside of me, I am challenged to the core by some of his behaviors and choices. When this happens, I do not do well.

    I do hope you check in and I do hope you and your family are doing well.
  12. defiantchild

    defiantchild Member

    Hi Copa,

    So nice to hear from you. Thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry I took a few days to reply.

    I'm glad to hear that your son is doing better. The fixer upper house sounds like a wonderful opportunity for him. So sorry that at times you are suffering because of his behaviors. I wish there was some sort of easy answer. Have you ever read the book Far From the Tree? I have read parts of it and it has helped me at times when I struggle with Difficult Child. I guess all we can do is live each day one at a time. Is your son still doing drugs? Is he working? How does he spend his days?

    My Difficult Child is doing much better, thank goodness. He is turning 18 in a few weeks and he knows that we are throwing him out if he doesn't follow our rules. We try not to be too rigid with the rules. But there are basic rules he must follow. He does all of his own laundry now. We are trying out best not to enable him in any way.

    He found a lovely girlfriend who is a year younger than him and she's making such a positive impact on his life. Finally, he cares deeply about another person and he doesn't want to hurt her or disappoint her.

    Difficult Child was able to get his job back at the restaurant from which he was fired last March. It was almost one year to the day that he returned from having been fired. We pray every day that he stays out of trouble and doesn't lose his job.

    He was sentenced last week and started his one year probation today. He isn't doing drugs, nor is his girlfriend. They seem to be really looking out for each other.

    Difficult Child is taking his High School Equivalency Test at the end of this month. He really isn't studying much, but the fact that he registered to take it is a huge step. If he fails a section he can alway retake it. The way he usually learns is the hard way, so I'm not at all surprised he isn't studying. He'll find out through experience what he needs to study and he'll only study for that. He's hoping to begin culinary school in the fall. I really hope it works out for him.

    Please let me know how you are doing.

    xo DefiantChild
  13. defiantchild

    defiantchild Member

    I must add thank you so very much for suggesting I read Viktor Frankl. Things have slowly begun to improve, I think, as a result of the lessons I learned from him. His book is brilliant. I just read
    Plato's Apologia. That's another brilliant work. I strongly recommend it. Life changing.
  14. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    It almost sounds like a miracle, how much better your son is doing.

    I do not have a lot of time right now. I want to tell you how grateful I am that you posted back. I am so glad to know how your son has righted himself, and so quickly. So many good things.

  15. defiantchild

    defiantchild Member

    Hi Copa, Leafy, Svenghandi,
    I was thinking about you today and hoping you are doing well. You were all there for me when I was suffering last December, at this very time, and I want you to know how much your support meant to me.
    Things with us have gotten so much better with Difficult Child. It's all better because of a girl. Now Difficult Child has a 'meaning' in his life. Something larger than him, something worth preserving and nurturing. It's all how Viktor Frankl explained it. We all need a meaning in our lives. Unfortunately, it's something each of us needs to find on our own. It's hard to see our loved ones suffer.
    Anyway, wishing you and your family very happy holidays.
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  16. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Defiantchild, I have hoped things continued well for your son, and you and your family. Every now and then when I listen to Anthony Bourdain I think of you.

    It is so kind that you have checked in with us. Little by little I see changes in my son. I wish he would read Frankl.

    Sending you and yours happy holidays, too.

    I am reading Abraham Joshua Herschel now. Actually, a book of his essays published by his daughter, Susannah Herschel. Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity. Every book I have read by him is outstanding and life changing, but this one is easier reading because it is composed of articles or speeches.

    I am thinking really that Frankl, a lot of his thinking, came from Jewish thought, as did so many of the other important people that came out of Europe during that period, and the 100 years before. At least the Jewish ones. I recommend this book, too.

    Again, I am so pleased that your son is doing well and gratified you came by "to visit"
  17. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Defiant Child -

    I haven't been on here that much recently but I am back because I had to pull Difficult Child out of college.

    I am glad that your son is doing better. Did he get his equivalency degree? Is he thinking of studying culinary formally? Is his girlfriend going to college?

    So glad to hear that things are better than one year ago.