Hilli, just let this current scenario play out if you can. Enjoy your home. Try to live in the right now, in this moment. It takes a long time, if ever, for all of our DCs' enablers to stop enabling. I was able to stop before my ex-husband, his dad, finally stopped. He tried to get help from my family but they resisted (due to conversations with me), but I agree with SWOT, we can't take on what others do with our DCs. We can only ever decide what we ourselves will or won't do. That is the huge lesson to learn from all of this: We can't control, fix or manage another single human being on the planet except ourselves.
When they are 17, 18, 19, I so understand giving them chances to change. I gave my Difficult Child so many contracts. I now smile at myself, my naivete, in writing up three or four page contracts with all kinds of parameters for him to meet. He never did any of it! It wasn't worth the paper it was written on. And the last one I did, was just one page, but he tore that one up in my face. That was actually good for me to experience, because it gave me the courage to show him the door.
This is so very hard. This is counter to everything we know, feel and believe. And it's a process. Don't try to change too fast or do what other people say. You have to listen, weigh others experiences, see what you can live with and then decide. Believe me, your decision isn't going to make or break him. I used to think the weight of the world rested on my next decision when it came to him, but guess what...it didn't.
This is a long hard journey. Take it one day at a time, one step at a time.
