As I posted in another thread, I attended an AA meeting yesterday where the young 19 yo man who helped get my difficult child into the sober house gave the lead. It was very inspiring and I pray that someday my difficult child is up on that podium celebrating her one year sobriety date. But while I was listening to his mother speak at the end it dawned on me that I am still far too invested in difficult child's recovery.
I have decided it's time for me to pull back, emotionally. Yes difficult child is living on her own and has a job and is going to meetings but when I heard this young man speak he is following the program and I'm not sure she is.
I found out that she has been associating with a druggie from our neighborhood that has a serious drug problem and has been in jail several times. This person is good friends with the kid down the street who damaged out door. They all run together and they got difficult child into pot and drinking at age 14. He and his family have enabled difficult child many times in the past. She knows our feelings about him but she says she is helping him and that's what addicts do, they help each other. She is only two months sober from her last relapse and is in no position to help anyone else. He is a bad guy and only in the program because the court sent him. I have no doubt he will be back using/dealing once it's over.
husband and I discussed this with her and she is determined to "help" him. Funny thing is it doesn't appear she is following the rest of the program. All of her contacts are with guys, in the program, but guys anyway. She does not "help" or hang with other women. Her phone calls are all to several different guys, none to any females. She doesn't have a sponsor or if she does she has no contact with her. She isn't working the steps. She has a great deal of fun with these guys and it appears she is at their apartment 24/7 when she's not working.
I need to pull back and stop worrying about her recovery. The AA meeting yesterday showed me in real life that it is her fight, not mine and I can't keep her from relapsing. If she isn't following the program sooner or later it will blow up and I have to stop worrying about when or if that day will come. She always has let guys use her and loves to be the center of attraction. I think this is all fun for her because she is surrounded by men and the only female in the group and gets all the attention she wants.
Nancy
I have decided it's time for me to pull back, emotionally. Yes difficult child is living on her own and has a job and is going to meetings but when I heard this young man speak he is following the program and I'm not sure she is.
I found out that she has been associating with a druggie from our neighborhood that has a serious drug problem and has been in jail several times. This person is good friends with the kid down the street who damaged out door. They all run together and they got difficult child into pot and drinking at age 14. He and his family have enabled difficult child many times in the past. She knows our feelings about him but she says she is helping him and that's what addicts do, they help each other. She is only two months sober from her last relapse and is in no position to help anyone else. He is a bad guy and only in the program because the court sent him. I have no doubt he will be back using/dealing once it's over.
husband and I discussed this with her and she is determined to "help" him. Funny thing is it doesn't appear she is following the rest of the program. All of her contacts are with guys, in the program, but guys anyway. She does not "help" or hang with other women. Her phone calls are all to several different guys, none to any females. She doesn't have a sponsor or if she does she has no contact with her. She isn't working the steps. She has a great deal of fun with these guys and it appears she is at their apartment 24/7 when she's not working.
I need to pull back and stop worrying about her recovery. The AA meeting yesterday showed me in real life that it is her fight, not mine and I can't keep her from relapsing. If she isn't following the program sooner or later it will blow up and I have to stop worrying about when or if that day will come. She always has let guys use her and loves to be the center of attraction. I think this is all fun for her because she is surrounded by men and the only female in the group and gets all the attention she wants.
Nancy