Absolute hell, she punched me in the face!!!!

[everywoman]

Bran, I am so sorry. But now is the time to detach. And that is going to be really hard for you. You have been wrapped up in the drama that is your daughter for so long now, that not being involved is going to be difficult. If she calls and wants to come home, only say yes if you can have the police there immediately. When they pick her up, and she calls you from jail, DO NOT answer the phone. Is there someone in your family, your mother or sister that can take over for you while you take a break and step back? That way you can know that she's alive but nothing else. After all that is what matters most, that she lives long enough to learn to manage her life.

 

[butterflydreams]

Bran, I am so sorry! This is so awful. I can't imagine. No advice for you, just hugs.

Christy

 

[Steely]

I have nothing left to give. She has taken over every fiber of my being, I am a shell of me now. I got so lost in her world, I gave up all of me to help her. I have neglected other parts of myself for so long, too long. I have to let go and try to function in the other parts of my life. I was her marionette, she pulled the strings and I jumped. We perfected a dance over time, we learned how to feed off each other too well. We are now like poison to one another. I love her with all that I am. I will never stop worrying about her. When she is ready to embrace treatment and change then I will go to the ends of the earth for her. Until then, I must detach and work on living. My heart is so broken, my sadness consumes me, how do I begin to do that???

Oh Bran..........I literally could have written that myself. It is exactly how I feel. I do not know how we begin to live either. No clue. But we will.

 

[lillians]

i beleive God gives us the hard treatment as an honour,, so many folks cannot do this and we are and can , these children sad as it is need some stability and we are it as bad as we think we do,, at least we do what we can and not turn our backs ,,so many people say how do yu do it,, and they are young as opposed to us,,hang in there and realize God was showing you how much he thought you were capable of,,, and someday your young one will realize to,,God bless you ,wish i could help

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Bran,

No words of advice - Just sending lots of warm and caring thoughts your way... WFEN

 

[debi]

I am so sorry that this is happening to you.
I have tears running down my face reading your initial post because our situations are very similar and it pains me to know others have to go through this much emotional pain also. You are doing the right thing. We have to protect the innocent children in our home from one crisis after another.
I hope she is found soon so you have the peace of knowing she is safe in juvenile detention.

 

[amazeofgrace]

The mouth on her is absolutely disgusting. It's not only what she says, it's the way she says it. I couldn't even describe it in words, you have to witness it to truly understand just how bad it is

I think I can relate, my 17 y/o son gets quite evil with his mouth. Some of the words I use to describe him are: abusive, threatening, intimidating, manipulating, and my favorite sheer evil!

 

[susiestar]

Sending hugs and prayers that you know where she is soon, and that she is safe.

Sending more hugs that you can work through this impossibly rough time and get some sense of safety back into your life. It is so awful to be violated so by one whom you love so much.

 

[Rotsne]

I won't be rude, but is it not the best that she remains out of sight for the next months. Obvious the medication she got the last time did not work and maybe she needs to find her own path.

She is 18 in a couple of months and while you could fight in court system to have her in some kind of control with an extended parental control until she is 21. However, it will only use your reduced strength on the cost of your other child.

Yes, it is scary having her on the streets but she is so old that the system are about to give up on her any way and where would she end up in 3 or 4 year anyhow? Remember that one of the mall shooters was in the system living from one group home to another with various stays in lowbudget Residential Treatment Center (RTC) where they get beat up either by staff or other patient.

Maybe the best for her would be if she phoned home that you adviced her to stay away and to leave the state reminding her of the arrest warrent. Maybe there is negative peer pressure involved and she could benefit from time away from your all the "friends". Do you have a far out relative living in the countryside where she can earn her living by delivering some work?

You need to focus on you son and your daughter as tough as it sounds needs to learn how to stand on her own feet and forget her anger focused on you. Sometime people have to travel to the end of the world just to find themselves.

I will pray for both you and that your daughter finds the ressources inside her self.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Hey Bran,

I've not been on much lately, so sorry I am late on this.

Huge hugs. I don't even have words. It scares me because I see my difficult child headed right down that same path.

Keeping you and your daughter in my prayers.

 

[janebrain]

Hi Bran,
just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hope she is found and arrested soon. When my difficult child was running wild there was a warrant out for her arrest too. I actually saw her and called the police but they advised me to wait--the warrant wasn't in their computer yet and in our case she would just be returned home. We were lucky in that once the warrant was in the computer our favorite police officer made a concerted effort to find her and she practically ran right into him. She was arrested and taken to juvie which turned out to be a nice home in the country where she waited til she was court ordered to a dual diagnosis facility over near Poughkeepsie.

While in juvie she ranted and raved about how she was going to just pretend to work the program and would be out doing drugs the minute she was released. I just told her that was fine, she could do what she wanted when she was done with the program. She actually did work the program and concentrated on getting her GED.

Anyway, good luck to you, I am following your saga and I think you are doing great under all this stress--you have it far worse than I ever did.

Jane

 

[Mayapple5]

"I love her with all that I am. I will never stop worrying about her. When she is ready to embrace treatment and change then I will go to the ends of the earth for her. Until then, I must detach and work on living. My heart is so broken, my sadness consumes me, how do I begin to do that???"

I too have felt this lately with my 18 and 20 year old's. I want to get off this merry-go-round and run away. I want January to come. I want to run away, to hibernate and not come out until winter and the holidays are over or until the mess between them is over, if it ever will be!

I'm so sorry for what you are going through Bran, I can feel your pain in your messages and I'm there with you. I can't add anything that hasn't already been said. But I add my ((((hugs)))) and support.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Hugs...many gentle hugs.

beth

 

[tbone]

My heart goes out to you and trust me I know what you are going through.I also have been through the verbal and physical abuse fron my 16 y/o son.He has never been diagnosis with anything but has a drug habit and has all the traits of Conduct Disorder. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that he has been in for almost nine months,were he has OD 3 times,and had numerous physical altercations are just turning their heads at all the signs, along with his probation officer and just concentrating on realeasing him back to be in less than 3 weeks.My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Also if there is anyone who knows any type of medication for Conduct Disorder PLEASE let me know.

 

[witzend]

Bran, I'm glad that you reached out to the authorities. Rostne, in NY, where Bran lives, she is legally responsible for her daughter beyond the age of 18. I think it's 21, but I can't say for certain.

 

[TerryJ2]

Just checking in for news...
I've still got my fingers crossed.

 

[Wiped Out]

Wish I knew what to say. Saying many prayers.

 

[Jena]

I'm sending prayers and hugs to you also.


((((hugs))))

 

[katya02]

Bran, sending warm thoughts and hugs ....
I'm so sorry. Please try to take care of yourself and your son. Lots of people are looking out for your difficult child; but you have to look out for you!

 

[bran155]

Thank you so much, my cyber family!!! I am so sorry for all of you who are suffering this horrid life as well. This site has been a great source of strength to me. It really makes a difference when you connect with people who really mean it when they say "I understand". I guess the saying rings true: "Misery loves company".

She has been missing since Sat the 29th, I have placed a missing persons report on her, the officer who came to the house to take the report was very kind and felt so bad for us. He took a couple of pictures of my daughter with him. Yesterday an old friend of hers called here for her. I told her what happened and asked her to give me a call if she heard anything. She called me today and told me my daughter called her crying, she said she is afraid to come home as she does not want to go back to jail. She said she was in CT with her "peoples". Which is scary considering all you have to do is say hello to my daughter and she considers you "her peoples". I am sure who ever she is with she met on myspace!! But at least I know she is alive. Her friend said that she would try to get some more info out of her if she calls again.

In the meantime my sister and I got my mother tickets to see Tim McGraw at a casino a few hours from here. We also got a hotel room, we are leaving in the morning and wont be back until late Friday night. I am feeling a bit guilty for leaving at a time like this. I am nervous something is going to happen while I am gone. My poor mother is a nervous wreck, she has been throwing up and crying constantly. How on earth are we supposed to go and have a good time with all this on our minds? This week just isn't a good week for us. My sister and I both had the flu. That's why I haven't been on, I have been spending most of the time in the bathroom!!!

Even though I am not really looking forward to this little trip now that my wonderful daughter is gone, I am going as this has been booked and planned for quite some time now. Boy, with difficult children you can't really plan for anything!!! My sister will be home, so I am leaving all neccessary phone numbers along with a letter of consent for my sister to make decisions regarding my daughter just in case she does come home while I am gone.

I hope my mother and I will be able to leave this choas behind and try to enjoy ourselves. I was so looking forward to getting away before this all happened, now I am not so sure. Do you think it is a bad idea to still go? My daughter is all I think about, she is killing all of us. We all are so worried all of the time. I have all of these horrible visions of what she could be doing or what could be happening to her. I know these are choices she has made but they are just so hard to live with!!! How does one funtion normally while living in this hell???

Anyway, thank you all so much for your concern. I really do appreciate your friendship. I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayer's while I am gone and I will check in when I get back. God bless.