T
toughlovin
Guest
Ugh it is so hard not to enable our kids in little ways. I think most of you know my son has recently finished an inpatient substance abuse program and is now doing their outpatient program and living in a sober house. This is all happening out of state. He is flying up here on Monday for a court date on Tuesday and then flying back. His plan is to stay down there which is a good thing. He is staying with a friend Monday night and getting together with a bunch of people. I just talked to him and I told him I am done trying to direct his life and so I hope he can just tell me what he is doing. I also did ask him if he has talked to people down there about how to handle the situation of seeing his friends. So ok that is fine... I know very well that I need to let him direct his own life.
He hasn't found a job yet but is looking. We refused to get him a scooter (did that last year and we are not doing it again). He did get himself a bus pass. We are paying the rent for the sober house and giving him $75 a week for food. So last week he asked if we could start the week a day early because he is short. Then yesterday he asked for some money for toiletries, like toothpaste and shaving cream. We gave that to him ... and hey I am glad he is concerned about hsi appearance because that is a good sign if you know what I mean. If he is shaving that is a good!!! So now he called me... and very nicely, very politely, saying he felt stupid but he lost his bus pass. Now the kid is ADHD and this is totally his MO and totally believable. So we will give him money for the bus pass. I don't think he is playing us for drug money at this point.... the sober house is pretty on top of things. He was there a year ago and I get a call every week from the director who is herself a mama bear and a recovering addict.
A part of me knows that at some point soon we are going to have to be a bit more hard nosed about giving him money but I know this whole court date is looming for all of us and I just don't want to do that right now. A part of me also does not want to do what we did last time and give him more money for him to manage, but would rather he have to ask us for the things he needs that are not food, until he gets a job.
Anyway I feel a bit like I am enabling him but at the same time I do want to help him continue on the path he is on and man oh man I just want to get through next week until he is back on the plane going south.
TL
He hasn't found a job yet but is looking. We refused to get him a scooter (did that last year and we are not doing it again). He did get himself a bus pass. We are paying the rent for the sober house and giving him $75 a week for food. So last week he asked if we could start the week a day early because he is short. Then yesterday he asked for some money for toiletries, like toothpaste and shaving cream. We gave that to him ... and hey I am glad he is concerned about hsi appearance because that is a good sign if you know what I mean. If he is shaving that is a good!!! So now he called me... and very nicely, very politely, saying he felt stupid but he lost his bus pass. Now the kid is ADHD and this is totally his MO and totally believable. So we will give him money for the bus pass. I don't think he is playing us for drug money at this point.... the sober house is pretty on top of things. He was there a year ago and I get a call every week from the director who is herself a mama bear and a recovering addict.
A part of me knows that at some point soon we are going to have to be a bit more hard nosed about giving him money but I know this whole court date is looming for all of us and I just don't want to do that right now. A part of me also does not want to do what we did last time and give him more money for him to manage, but would rather he have to ask us for the things he needs that are not food, until he gets a job.
Anyway I feel a bit like I am enabling him but at the same time I do want to help him continue on the path he is on and man oh man I just want to get through next week until he is back on the plane going south.
TL