Advice on my 30 year old son

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Worriedmumalways, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. Worriedmumalways

    Worriedmumalways New Member

    Thank you
     
  2. Worriedmumalways

    Worriedmumalways New Member

    Thank you - deep down I know you are right and I know what I should do. I am trying my very best to detach myself, and haven’t had contact with him since Monday. I really appreciate your time and effort in advising me - thank you. I hope you have a wonderful Easter
     
  3. Worriedmumalways

    Worriedmumalways New Member

    Thank you Tired Out, everyone has given such brilliant advice and I really appreciate it. I am trying to detach myself now and with every comment I read, it makes it a little easier. Thank you again, and I hope you have a lovely Easter weekend
     
  4. Worriedmumalways

    Worriedmumalways New Member

    Thank you for your words
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Hi Worried

    I remember when I first came here with our son - a very long time ago - and people told me how it was and didn't sugar coat. It was hard for me to take too. I was like OMG that is my son and I love him. What??! I am not sure what I wanted to hear but what they said wasn't it and he was 15 so very young which made it very very hard. A minor!

    Trust me. We all love them to the moon and back and that is why we are here searching for answers. I think that I may have come across cold but it really isn't my intent. We have to grow thick skin when dealing with this stuff and I think we do get a bit jaded by all of it and we just want to save YOU worry and heartache. As if that were possible. Like many have said and it's true, we are so worried and frantic and stressed and to them it's just another Tuesday!

    Stay strong, get into therapy for yourself if you can and have a Blessed Easter.
     
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    This is me. Except I would change it to: I so dislike how he is living, now.
     
  7. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Kind of stealing some of your post but it has a lesson. My son 37 who i had blocked because he asked for money and favors so much. He emailed me and i gave in and unblocked him. Since then i have given him numerous " favors" all of which cost money. Today since he has no vehicle and had to work and was having panic attacks he asked me to shop for him and gave me his ebt card which he said had a balance of 187 dollars. I fell for it and spent 178 on his groceries tried the card guess what 14 dollar balance. I had to put them on my credit card. Should have put them all back. Got home sent a text scheduled for when he gets off work and blocked him. It does not end!! I worry because of all the negatives in his life right now but they are not my fault they are his. The panic attacks he said he needs medications i sent him names of doctors and he found reasons they wouldn't work. I do not have custody of my grandaughter but i supply a lot of what he should and have her a lot. I have to keep the focus on me and my husband and grands. You should too so when your son is 37 you don't feel like an idiot like me.
     
  8. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Never believe they are hungry. They have food pantries all over and missions and, as gross as it sounds, most homeless will also dumpster dive and look for thrown out wrapped food from stores or people and eat. They learn when Aldis throws out their packaged food and grab it. Not many people starve to death in the U.S. There are many ways to get meals. But saying they are hungry tears at us so we send money. Never do it. Send peanut butter that you bought, not cash. A drug addict will spend every dime on drugs and hard drugs kill the appetite. They don't eat much which is why they get scary skinny. A food card should last all month if your son has no job. There is enough for one person.

    Let the adult child, hardly a child, figure it out . Although they may be very immature and have a low mental age, as most have developmental arrests when they start using drugs, society sees your son as his age and nobody but maybe you will make allowances for immaturity.

    Please remember to take care of yourself. Your son will surprise you at how well he gets his needs met without your money even if he lives on the street. The rest of his life is on him. We cant live forever nor always stay healthy once we hit our senior years. Most decent adult kids worry about us as we age. Thats really the norm. These adult kids seem to treat us like we are 25, rich, and will be able to help them forever. Best they learn thats not true.
     
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    Last edited: Apr 18, 2019
  9. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    He is not at the moment homeless he is on house arrest and has a job but is afraid he may be getting fired. But thank you for your reply and concern i agree.