And I'm Back

[BusynMember]

Then when I get mad and start yelling at him or I spank him, then he acts like he doesn't understand why I am so mad. BUT... he doesn't do it nearly to the extreme with his dad as he does me. His dad can say no and 8 times out of 10, he leaves it alone.

Hon, spanking and yelling are naturally what we want to do when our kids act up, especially when rude, but they are both just adding fuel to the fire. The spanking shows the kid that it is ok to hit somebody when he is mad and the yelling can turn easily into verbal abuse. I think it would help you TONS if YOU went for counseling to learn how to better cope with having such a difficult child.

Often the kids are more afraid of Dad, so they are worse with mom. That often changes as the Difficult Child gets older, stronger, and bolder. Hopefully you can find a way to turn it around before that point.

 

[BusynMember]

It's like he's just being a spoiled brat.

Bad behavior in a child is not "spoiled brat." There's something different in the wiring of your kids brain. He needs to be tested and I prefer neuropsychologists (not to be confused with neurologists). You will just frustrate yourself and not help him if you think he is doing this because he's a brat. Normal kids don't act like him, spoiled or not.

 

[BusynMember]

When in public and around strangers, my child is an ANGEL.

Very common with Difficult Child. They are angry at themselves, but they can maintain themselves for periods of time, like school so that they don't embarass themselves in front of their peers. In time, he may lose that ability as well. Difficult Child tend to take it out on "safe" people who they are sure love them. It's got to come out after they've been hold it in, so it comes out at home. When the kids get older, sometimes they find peers that think it's cool to be disrespectful and then they can start acting up at school. Hopefully this will be resolved before then.

 

[Confused]

I agree ARGH, I didnt mean they were the same exactly, just same concept of being more angel like in front of or with others compared to with us. I do hope you find your answers soon!

 

[ARGH]

So.... we underwent the MRI and neurology testing, along with the neuropsychology testing. The MRI came back showing a posterior arachnoid cyst (I think I said that correctly) and we get the results of neuropsychology testing tomorrow. We will discuss all of our options and what the cyst means or what part it plays in his behavior tomorrow and how to treat both simultaneously with the team at Blue Bird Clinic at Texas Childrens in Houston. Neurologist did say that the cyst was not life threatening, but she will be monitoring him to look for signs of growth or pressure it may be causing.

 

[ARGH]

Actually, your husband didn't act any better than your son. He is the adult. He could get into a lot of trouble fighting with his kid.Violence with a violent, criminally inclined kid won't help anything and, as you saw, the kid feels like he scored a victory by getting husband to fight with him. He probably bragged about it to his friends.

He sounds like maybe he had a tough first three years of his life, which is where the bonding and stability take place in the brain. He is doing some very serious behaviors. I hope you get help soon. I'm sorry for your sadness and pain.

Is your husband his father? Are extremely empathy-challenged and bad behaving adults in his DNA? Sadly DNA matters, even if he never sees his birthfather or birthmother who passed along the joy of her temperament and lack of conscience.

Sounds very much as if he is using drugs or alcohol too much, which is not a good thing and needs to be addressed. Check his room when he's not home for clues. He is still young enough to get help for substance abuse. Once he's eighteen, forget it. He is on his own and can do what he wants and you legally can do nothing. Pot doesn't make a kid have an attitute...I'm betting it's more than pot.

My husband is his father and no one on either side of our families has ever exhibited behavior like CL's. And judge all you want and tell me all you want to how spanking or yelling doesn't help when for YEARS we've tried the liberal way of no spanking or yelling, just coddling and undestanding that we had a Difficult Child. See how far that got us?! Perhaps had we disciplined him a little more strictly at an early age we wouldn't be dealing with this now.

If you know all of the answers, what helped your kid? I assume all 6 of your children are straight line walking, model citizens, even the two Difficult Child's? Was that done through nothing more than empathy, understanding and submissive parenting? Just curious since you are telling me everything that we have done wrong. I refuse to live in a house where my things have to be locked up daily and my child runs things.

And, we have gone OVER and beyond to help our child. I guarantee you that we have been to more doctors, therapists, counselors and professionals than most. We have done more, invested more and spent more time with our child to try and encourage more positive behavior than most parents can afford to because we are fortunate enough to be able to do so. But eventually, human nature being what it is, someone can only take so much before they break and that is exactly what happened. Is letting our child talk down to us, berate us, disrespect us and generally crap on us the acceptable way to handle this? Should we just lay down, give up and say okay CL, you win? NO. We shouldn't and we won't. We will do EVERYTHING to help him and even if that does mean that his father loses his temper eventually, that's what it means. He didn't hurt him. And no he won't get in trouble for what happened. Already talked to a friend who works for the Harris County DA about it and she said she certainly wouldn't accept charges on that incident if it were presented to her.