Hi.
I am so very sorry for your hurting heart. I am in Nar Anon and have been for many years and have heard many stories like yours and the answer is always the same. He will do better when/if he wants to and.nothing you say or do will change that...if you worry until you are sick, it still won't change his chosen path. It was hard for me to accept this, but it seems to be true....at least from all I've heard. There are happy and sad endings but none of them have anything to do with us, the parents.
In Nar Anon we encourage Mom and Dad to focus on themselves and stop the madness and insanity of trying to control this horrible, sad disease of addiction.
There are three Cs that I use whenever I think of my daughter, who is homeless and using. The three Cs mean...I did not CAUSE it, I can not CONTROL it and I can not CURE it. This helps me alot because I always thought I was a horrible mother if I did not try, try, try. Sometimes just having fun made me feel guilty because she was suffering. Or I thought she was. I no longer think I know what makes her suffer...she has written on social media and told a few cousins that she.us free from the rat race and happy.now.
I have learned over a span of years to let go of her outcome and I give her to God who can take care of her. I can't and other loved ones need me to be well. None of this was easy for me so I know it's hard for you. Brutal at times. But we can do this. We can have a good life even with kids that choose not to have good lives.
Sending love and hugs.
