Another failed attempt

[LetGo]

Thanks, KSM. I wanted so hard to stick to my guns of no more money - but I was such a mess about his well being. After much thinking and prayer, I had to give him another 7 days to make the contacts out there that he needs to in order to be safe and then progress from there (please, God). And yes - depending on what happens when this week is over, it might be a different decision..... Thank you.

SVD, In my situation, I have found it hard to find that "line in the sand". I always knew that I would, just didn't know what would finally cause me to say "Enough." I finally have the line in the sand with my 2 oldest children. My younger 2 are thankfully, wonderful. I have struggled with my feelings and what ifs but have not gone back on my lines in the sand. Overall, I know that is what is best for me and ultimately, for them. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Hugs

 

[So Very Drained]

SVD, In my situation, I have found it hard to find that "line in the sand". I always knew that I would, just didn't know what would finally cause me to say "Enough." I finally have the line in the sand with my 2 oldest children. My younger 2 are thankfully, wonderful. I have struggled with my feelings and what ifs but have not gone back on my lines in the sand. Overall, I know that is what is best for me and ultimately, for them. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Hugs

Can I ask what your line in the sand was?

 

[LetGo]

Can I ask what your line in the sand was?

Hi SVD, I have never been able to say "this is my line in the sand and if they cross it, that's it." Like most of us here, I could write a novel. There had been a lot of challenging behaviors, for years. We did the best we could but it slowly was eating me away. I was always anxious and waiting for the other shoe to fall. Regarding my daughter, at age 29, she decided to find her birth mother...I understood and gave her my blessings. (Long story) After she went to her birth mother's house, she did not bother to contact me for 16 months. This gets very long and involved so I won't get into everything. Birth parents were going to meet with my oldest son, her brother as well. Daughter told horrible lies about my son so the whole meeting never happened. She was kicked out of her birth mother's house and continued her life with substance, assault. That was her pattern when she lived near me. Assault was always part of her history from early childhood on. She skipped out on probation and was arrested and sentenced to prison. We have not had contact. With my son, at age 36, he became exceptionally verbally rude again. (A series of events) He and his wife excluded me and his brothers from their lives. The last spoken words I heard from him were " off, Mom". Even though he has a child with current his wife, he decided to disregard my grand daughter, his first born. Stopped seeing her, contacting her and paying child support. I had backed away after he told me to "F off" but what has he has done to my grand was the icing on the cake for me. I live a very calm, joyful and successful life. My husband is wonderful as are my two younger sons. I have a full life with family and friends. I cannot take the disrespect, insane life styles and choices my 2 older ones make. My mantra is "I don't want it, don't need it and most of all don't deserve it." I actually said that to my son. I have "Let Go" (although I occasionally fall into what if). Guess what though? Being unengaged is doable and it is so much more peaceful. I have decided how I want to live and let them live with their choices. We don't need to blend the two. If you've made it this far reading, thanks for listening. Best of luck on your journey with regaining "you".

 

[Copabanana]

I will add this. Sometimes "line in the sand" is a feeling that we respond to, rather than react to-- not a time, conditions, or circumstance. It is when "enough is enough" to the point where we act in our own behalf.

Lines in the sand are not in books. They are not in other people. They arise or emerge in us. Or more to the point, it's when we finally pay attention, give priority to, or take into account how we feel and what is the cost of what we bear.

It's putting ourselves, our welfare, our feelings into our own lives. A line in the sand is an act, it is an experience, it is an assertion of value. I have value. I am here. I am.

For me it was only tangentially related to some particular conduct or attribute of my child. It was when I allowed myself to pay attention to the cost to myself. It was when I became part of my own story. Until that point, only he was important.

 

[LetGo]

I will add this. Sometimes "line in the sand" is a feeling that we respond to, rather than react to-- not a time, conditions, or circumstance. It is when "enough is enough" to the point where we act in our own behalf.

Lines in the sand are not in books. They are not in other people. They arise or emerge in us. Or more to the point, it's when we finally pay attention, give priority to, or take into account how we feel and what is the cost of what we bear.

It's putting ourselves, our welfare, our feelings into our own lives. A line in the sand is an act, it is an experience, it is an assertion of value. I have value. I am here. I am.

For me it was only tangentially related to some particular conduct or attribute of my child. It was when I allowed myself to pay attention to the cost to myself. It was when I became part of my own story. Until that point, only he was important.

Absolutely! It is when we pay attention to the cost to ourselves and put actions in place to take care of us.

 

[So Very Drained]

Hi SVD, I have never been able to say "this is my line in the sand and if they cross it, that's it." Like most of us here, I could write a novel. There had been a lot of challenging behaviors, for years. We did the best we could but it slowly was eating me away. I was always anxious and waiting for the other shoe to fall. Regarding my daughter, at age 29, she decided to find her birth mother...I understood and gave her my blessings. (Long story) After she went to her birth mother's house, she did not bother to contact me for 16 months. This gets very long and involved so I won't get into everything. Birth parents were going to meet with my oldest son, her brother as well. Daughter told horrible lies about my son so the whole meeting never happened. She was kicked out of her birth mother's house and continued her life with substance, assault. That was her pattern when she lived near me. Assault was always part of her history from early childhood on. She skipped out on probation and was arrested and sentenced to prison. We have not had contact. With my son, at age 36, he became exceptionally verbally rude again. (A series of events) He and his wife excluded me and his brothers from their lives. The last spoken words I heard from him were " off, Mom". Even though he has a child with current his wife, he decided to disregard my grand daughter, his first born. Stopped seeing her, contacting her and paying child support. I had backed away after he told me to "F off" but what has he has done to my grand was the icing on the cake for me. I live a very calm, joyful and successful life. My husband is wonderful as are my two younger sons. I have a full life with family and friends. I cannot take the disrespect, insane life styles and choices my 2 older ones make. My mantra is "I don't want it, don't need it and most of all don't deserve it." I actually said that to my son. I have "Let Go" (although I occasionally fall into what if). Guess what though? Being unengaged is doable and it is so much more peaceful. I have decided how I want to live and let them live with their choices. We don't need to blend the two. If you've made it this far reading, thanks for listening. Best of luck on your journey with regaining "you".

Omg, waiting for the other shoe to fall...... The story of my life. It is hard to be joyful when you immediately think of the "other shoe". I obviously don't need tell you. I have been praying - and praying and praying - for God to intervene in my son's life and to PLEASE release me from the financial and emotional burden of my son's life. I have caved during this time - and I have been strong enough to not pay his rent or his phone bill - and even though I knew he would become homeless in the cold. I started taking Ativan (prescribed but not normally taken) - just enough to take the panic off and allow me to function and work. And I prayed. His "last night" in the room he has lived in was supposed to be Monday - then Tuesday - then today - and each reprieve was like a huge sigh, even if only for a night. Yesterday - he told me that a couple he initially met when he moved to the town where he currently lives - agreed to help him take his things to a storage shed - and today, the wife called to say that she and her husband talked - and they offered my son a room in their house temporarily to help him get back on his feet and stay off the streets. Can you believe it? I am immensely grateful. And I'm trying very very hard not to think about that other shoe..... Still praying.

 

[So Very Drained]

I will add this. Sometimes "line in the sand" is a feeling that we respond to, rather than react to-- not a time, conditions, or circumstance. It is when "enough is enough" to the point where we act in our own behalf.

Lines in the sand are not in books. They are not in other people. They arise or emerge in us. Or more to the point, it's when we finally pay attention, give priority to, or take into account how we feel and what is the cost of what we bear.

It's putting ourselves, our welfare, our feelings into our own lives. A line in the sand is an act, it is an experience, it is an assertion of value. I have value. I am here. I am.

For me it was only tangentially related to some particular conduct or attribute of my child. It was when I allowed myself to pay attention to the cost to myself. It was when I became part of my own story. Until that point, only he was important.

Truth.

 

[Copabanana]

praying and praying - for God to intervene in my son's life and to PLEASE release me from the financial and emotional burden of my son's life.

In my religion God needs us to do our part. YOU DID. Good for you!!!

they offered my son a room in their house temporarily to help him get back on his feet and stay off the streets. Can you believe it?

Yes, I can believe it. Your son created this opportunity. And he also was able to negotiate with his landlord for the additional days. See? And just as essential and necessary--you gave him the space to act. Good job!!!